If We Didn't Know Pain, We Wouldn't Know Beauty

Over the past year I have had the privilege of being a co administrator for a NASCAR fan based group on Facebook called 24LIFE. We are all rooting for our driver, Chase Elliott. But to my surprise, this group has become so much more than a "fan page".

I'll never forget the day my two close friends, Donna, Keith and I decided to start this group. We worked for a few days figuring out what we wanted this group to look like, how we wanted to run it, and who all we hoped would join the group. We launched the page, started inviting friends and family who are NASCAR fans to join us, and then said a little prayer that we would have at least 20 members accept our invitation to have some fun together while cheering our driver on.

All along I think the 3 of us had a feeling that there was a bigger purpose for our little group, but for that day, we just hoped for a few members. And then they started coming. Twenty members the first day, then 30 and 40 and so on. We actually had to become a secret group on Facebook in order to cap off how many members we would have.

We are blown away every day by this little group of 200 members, men, women, young and "older", Chase Elliott Fans and fans of other drivers. These people never cease to amaze me. Here are a few things I've learned from 24LIFE.

Tolerance of everyone is a gift of love that I see everyday in our group.

We can all differ and yet all care so deeply.

Somedays the comedy is hilarious, and somedays we are all in tears together.

Online friendships are real and can become very deep when you open you life to others.

A word of encouragement goes a long way.

Forgiveness is a must in life.

If you need prayer, this group will gather around you and pray. Most of us have never met in person but we are prayer partners for life.

God can use a simple dream of a NASCAR group for His glory. I know this for a fact. I see Him in our group every day.

When we open our lives to others, the love comes back to us a thousand times over.

I think what sums up this past year, and our little FB group is a quote I read by Phillip LaRue.
"Life us a lot harder and more beautiful than I imagined when I was young. What a paradox. If we didn't know pain, we wouldn't know beauty."

Together we've seen our share of pain, sorrow, and loss. And together we had our share of joy, happiness, and victories. None of it had to do with NASCAR. All of it has to do with doing life together.


Much love to my 24LIFE friends and family, and much love to those who take time to read when I write.

The Waves and Winds Still Know His Name

It's been so long since I have written. But tonight, through a series of teachings, and some music I have been listening to, I feel so compelled to write. You see, if I have anything in me that I can share with you, then I want to do it. If I am struggling and someone else may have the same struggle, then lets go through it together. I want to share with you a very personal struggle that I am going through right now.

For me, I am battling fear. I am afraid to walk into those rooms full of people I do not know. I am afraid of dying alone. I have a fear of failure and a fear of rejection. Life has handed me a whole lot of fear over the past few years. I don't remember battling most of these fears when I was younger.  I think some of it came about when I became single. For the first year I was single, I was surrounded with so many people who were reaching out to me, holding my hand, and walking the journey into a new way of living with me. But over time, the new wore off for all of us. I seemed to be healing well from the scars that were left on my heart. And I started finding a new normal.

I have had a real unrest in my soul over the past few months though. I will call that unrest fear. I have become afraid. As God so often does, He brought some teachers into my life who confessed that they battle with fear. Through their confession, I am choosing to confess, also, that I battle with fear almost everyday of my life.

I watched Chonda Pierce's documentary last night, "Laughing in the Dark". At the end of the film she confessed a fear that punched me in the gut so hard. Why did it shake me to the core? Because I have the same fear. She confessed that she's afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid of dying alone, of having no one to hold my hand or care for me.

Tonight I watched a short live feed from Beth Moore. Low and behold, she was speaking on fear. She confessed that fear is one of her biggest battles. I suppose if Beth can say it out loud, and Chanda can say it out loud, then I can say it out loud, too. I think talking about it is one of the most effective ways of learning to conquer it. No, I'll probably never be completely free from fear, but my God will cover me in such a way that I can live my life and not miss out on the things He has for me. He and I can walk through fear together. One of those things He has for me is this confession. I believe that when I say it out loud, then others will completely understand, and begin to seek freedom from fear just like I am doing.

I will be praying this Scripture constantly.
Isaiah 41:10 says this:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I am choosing to proclaim this Scripture every time I feel afraid.Whether I am afraid of dying alone, going into a crowded room alone, or whatever my fear is, this verse will be the words that God speaks over my heart. After all, that's why He placed these words in the Scriptures. He placed them there for you and for me. He is speaking them over our hearts right now. Do Not Fear!!!! For I am Your God!!! Amen! Praise His name!
Will you walk this journey with me? After all, as the song by Bethel Music says"so let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and winds still know His name." When He says "Be still", our fears will be still, just like the waves and winds!

Much love! Kim

A Long Long Time Ago

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've written (and published) a blog. But tonight I have been in deep thought, and felt inspired by God. Most generally He allows me a time of growth, then He places a subject on my heart. Tonight is no different. I have been growing in Him, and now I need to write...So here goes...

A long long time ago when I was a young mother, I used to beg God for a mentor. I dreamed of having an older woman (about the age I am now, ha!) to have coffee with, study the Scriptures with, and someone who would teach me about life, how to raise my children and how to be the perfect wife. Beautiful dream, right?

This dream of mine never fell into place. In fact, I found myself struggling and learning in the school of hard knocks. I WAS very blessed to have teachers come into my life at various times who seem to have the very words I needed at the moment. I got to sit under the teaching of Jan Silvious, Bekita Heath, Beth Moore, Betty Robinson, and many many more.( I could name so many other personal friends but I'm afraid I would leave someone out. )These ladies listed above really never knew me, but I soaked up every word they spoke. Looking back now I see they were the mentors I craved when I was younger, and as I have grown they continue to teach me.

But God, in His wisdom had gone before me and made a plan for my life. In order to learn, I needed to experience life, the good times and the bad times. And yes, sometimes the most horrible times. Through out my life I began to learn who He is, how much He loves me, how to forgive, how to raise my children, how to love even when it wasn't returned. I learned the gift of forgiveness. I learned how to make it on my own, just me and Him. I have learned the art of letting go, and the art of loss. I've learned the true meaning of a vow, and how to hold on even when you want to break it. I've learned the pain of a broken heart and how to lean hard on Him to carry me through. Trust me, He's carried me through so much!

There is SO much more I have to learn. I am a piece of work in progress, that's for sure. I'm often a hot mess. (All my friends and family may say AMEN now!) I'm far from perfect. I do not know what my next life lesson will be. But now I can say with confidence, Savior, You will carry me. You will walk with me. You will show me the way. And You will use what You have taught me in the lives of others.

You see? That's why I never had coffee with the mentor I desperately craved years ago. I needed to learn about life while walking with Him. I needed to learn His riches for myself. And I must say, I have hardly touched the hem of what He has for me, and for others.

My prayer tonight is that someday I can mentor a young mom, a dear friend, or a stranger who needs His help. If you're out there, I'm here for God to use me in your life.

Much love! Kim

I've found my home here in Your arms

Today I asked a friend to give me his opinion on men, what they think of me, how I can improve, and so on... My heart was pounding as I waited for his answer. After he answered me I reflected on who I am and what I want out of life. The truth be told, I am satisfied with who I am.

There's always room to grow and improve. I feel I am always trying to become a better me, to love more, forgive more and understand others more. Yet I believe I am the woman God wants me to be. I'm far from perfect. But I am me! Unique, certainly. But I embrace my uniqueness. What if we were all created alike? Then there wouldn't be a unique life. Life would be boring and we would have no need for this individual journey He has us on. I'm grateful for the journey. It's beautiful, painful, full of grace, and growth. For that, I am so grateful. Today I am grateful that I am walking it on my own, just me and my God. He is so amazing!

I am happy I ask my friend his opinion. For in his thoughts I realized I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I didn't agree with all he said, but that's okay with me. For I know myself better, and during our conversation I realized that reflecting on who I am and what God thinks of me is what matters. Following Him is real life! He is my True Love for always and forever!

Three Years

As I am sitting here writing with Deacon, my Maltipoo, snuggled close to my side, I can hardly believe it's been three years! Three years since I had a DVT, major surgery, and then everything in my life completely came unglued. Divorce, empty nest, and so on. What I realize as I am writing is that my focus is no longer on what happened three years ago. Rather my mind is thinking, "Look what God did! Look how far He has brought me."

He has taught me all about the true meaning of forgiveness, strength, what true beauty is through His eyes. He has shown me how He views me as a woman created by Him, what total trust means, true faith, what true love looks like, to trust Him even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He has clearly shown me the meaning of true friendship, and just how blessed to call several people true friends. We have laughed together and cried many tears. He has taught me about His protection, to take a leap of faith even when I do not know where I will land. He taught me how to laugh again, and put a smile on my face that stems from the joy in my heart. I could go on and on about all I have learned from what seemed like failure in the moment.

I always thought I knew these things, but sitting here three years later I realize I did have a strong faith before. Now it has been tried and proven to be true. Trust me when I say I am far from perfect. I still struggle, fail, and get up and try again. Today I wanted to write about how far we've come. My circumstances that were so overwhelming three years ago now rarely enter my mind. My focus is on what is here and now, and where He wants me in the future.

On Friday I got news that launched another life change. But rather than calling or texting friends and family, I found myself on my knees thanking God for the circumstances that He had allowed me to be in, praising Him for putting me there, and thanking Him for where He would take me next. Yes there were many tears, but I knew in my heart He has a plan. Next I text a couple of prayer warriors and ask them for prayer. Today I realize that I have learned to run to God first, for He is the giver of peace.

I am writing this for one reason. I know many of you have walked this journey with my. While many things are still uncertain, and I still cry over various circumstances, I KNOW who holds today, tomorrow and my forever. I no longer live in regrets or fear. Now I live in the safety of my Refuge, my heavenly Father. If I can go through trials that were unthinkable five years ago, you can too! Just keep your eye on God and He will carry you. This is not a cliche' but a fact! For I have lived it... and now it's been three years. How time flies!

Much love everyone!

They Say.....

They say that we shouldn’t label all Muslims as evil, because many of them are good people. How do we know the difference by looking at them? Did you see the male shooter in San Bernadina? He looked like every other man I see.

They say we should ban guns, have strict gun control. I think we all agree on background checks when we buy a gun. But don’t we know that the bad guys will find a way to get a gun and mow people down? Law abiding citizens are the ones pay the cost for laws against guns, not the bad guys.

They say that guns kill. What about the people that Isis beheaded? Or the man that attacked in London. What about the homemade bombs in Boston? If you want to kill, you'll find a away. It doesn't have to be a gun.

They say we should not be allowed to carry a gun in public. I would hope that there’s a law abiding citizen near me carrying a gun, should I be at the mall, or theater, and a radical man or woman opens fire. At least we would all have a chance. Maybe the only one that would die would be the bad guy.

They say that we should not bring a gun into our work place. If someone had a gun at the Planned Parenthood Center, or in San Bernardina, is it possible that no one would have died except the crazy right wing man, or the radical Muslim who walked in freely and killed innocent people?

They say that guns are bad. People use guns to kill. Guns are not bad, people are bad.

They say that we should go about our lives not living in fear, because acts of terrorism are done to make us afraid. How do we do that? Do we not know that there are more acts planned. We are just too foolish to stop them?

They say that right wing people are crazy. They say that left wing people are too radical. Is it possible for us to meet in the middle? After all, we all have good points to make. Why must we be constantly divided?

They say that the God I serve isn’t the God of the Universe and He doesn’t really love us. If He did, why would so many bad things be happening? Is it possible that Satan is behind the bad things? And God grieves over our foolishness, and over watching the innocent die?

They say that God should be removed from our schools, sporting events, our pledge, and our anthem. Is it possible if we keep removing God from our nation, He will no longer honor our nation that was founded on Him?

Should we really believe all that they say? Or should we think for ourselves, stand up for our rights, and protect all that we have fought for over the years....

October

I believe October is one of my favorite months of the year. So much beauty here in Tennessee in October. The smell of leaves burning, the chill in the air, football games, and trips to the apple orchard all remind me of this special month.

At the same time there is a sense of nostalgia. It's a time that I do a lot of reminiscing, thinking back to the old days of driving my Chevelle around Ooltewah with my faithful friend, Sherri, who is still by my side, or homecoming at our high school, the parade down Main Street, the thrill of who would win homecoming king and queen. I recall long rides on my horse, Sundae, racking leaves then jumping in the pile, laughter ringing all around our home place.

October was the month my son was born. I remember so vividly the beauty of the leaves the day I left the hospital with my tiny baby boy. The Braves were in the World Series. I remember listening to my doctors talk about the upcoming game as they delivered Daniel. I remember the first look Lindsay got of her new little brother. She was beaming with excitement. She still beams with excitement every time she sees him.

Yes, October is truly a special month. This October is extra special for me. You see it was in October, 1985 that I got on my knees before God, alone in my apartment, promising Him I would give Him my entire life if He would give me peace. I stood up that evening a changed woman. I have never been the same since that evening. Thirty years ago. I began a journey in my life full of adventure, faith, valleys deep, and mountain tops, unexpected twists and turns, joy that can not be explained, peace that only God can give, and complete trust in the God of the Universe. What an amazing evening that was. What an amazing life it has been. No love can compare to the love I have for the One who has chosen me, the One who called me to be His child.

Yes! October is a glorious month! This October is especially glorious! It's my 30 year anniversary of the beginning of a life that will take me into eternity where I will see my Savior face to face. I just had to share this special occasion with each of you who give me the honor of reading what I write. As we all enjoy the beauty of the world around us, the laughter and fun that autumn brings, I hope somewhere in the back of your mind you will think of me, and celebrate along with me, thanking God for that day in October when my life changed forever.

To Him be all glory, and honor and praise!

You Make Me Brave

Over the years I've had several people say to me, "You are so strong, Kim!" or "I wish I was as strong as you!"or "How do you stay so strong with all you've been through?"

I have a confession to make. I am the weakest of weak. I am not strong at all. If you saw me in the privacy of my home, or while I am driving, or at the cabin in the mountains you would see what I mean! Tears flow easily and freely. I am often afraid. There are days that my heart is broken in two. Some days it's all I can do to breathe. There are days that I feel so weak. I often wonder how I will make it through the day....

Here's the amazing part! God makes me strong! He makes me brave! If you see any strength in me, it is Him! I often think of Moses. He felt so inadequate, yet God chose him to lead the people of Israel through the wilderness. I think of Peter. He jumped out of that boat, then realized the danger and began to sink. But Jesus made him brave! And he walked to Him! I am no where close to Moses or Peter. I am just a simple country girl, a high school graduate, a mom, and a nanny to two precious boys.

But somehow, someway, God makes me strong! He makes me brave. When life throws me curve balls, He makes me strong! There have been many curve balls thrown my way in the past few years. I've watched a man commit suicide. I've lost my best friend. I've lost my favorite dog. (only dog lovers will understand that) I've known child molesters. I've gone through many health issues including a DVT, major surgery, migraines, serious UTI's and several medical test. Then there was an ugly divorce, losing friends as a result of my divorce, changing jobs, financial problems, a couple of broken hearts, Alzheimer's with close friends and very close family, death of loved ones, and serious heart decease with family members. It's all happened in the last 7 years. It sounds like more than any soul can bear.

Yet HE makes me strong. The strength you may see is NOT me! I am weak. I am the the weakest of the weak. But somehow, some way God gives me strength. It's supernatural. It can only come from Him. He gives me courage that I am not capable of on my own. He gives me strength to step outside of my comfort zone. I've gone to places I never thought I could manage. It's all God! He is my strength. He takes this woman who is so incredibly weak, and He makes me strong, He makes me brave. He has given me total forgiveness for those who have hurt me, love for those who seemed unlovable, and strength to walk through everything life has handed me.

I am writing this for everyone out there who feels so weak. I am weak, too. But the God of all Creation can make you strong! I am no different than you! Believe Him. Trust Him. And cry out to Him, just like I do. He will make you brave!

"I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace...
You make me brave" Bethel

Thank you for reading. I am humbled. He will make you brave, too!
Much love!

Read more: Bethel Music - You Make Me Brave Lyrics | MetroLyrics

The Truth In Love

Sadly, today my blog may take on a different tone. As you all know, I live my life believing in love and forgiveness. The only way to survive the heartaches and struggles of this world is to forgive, and love. Today I am angry. My anger is justified. I know it's all part of the grief process. But it is also legitimate anger I have because of the poor leadership of our nation.

This morning, as the 5th soldier passed away from a terrorist attack on our city, I am left with a few thoughts, questions, and comments that will rattle a few of my friends. I feel I must speak the truth. You do not have to agree with me, but please hear me out.

First, where has the POTUS been while our beautiful city has suffered? Yes, there was one 2 minute press conference he gave the day of the terrorist attack. One the same day, he visited a penitentiary. He was the first president to ever do that. I suppose giving time to the prisoners there was far more important than rushing to the side of the beautiful people of Chattanooga to grieve and comfort us, and to assure us of our safety. Just a thought....

Then I can not help but bring up the fact that he is now leading our nation in a beautiful dance with the devil, Iran. If we sign an agreement with Iran, we will alienate our constant friends in Israel.  Once again, evil wins, or so it seems.

The truth be told, 15-25% of Muslims are radical Muslims out to harm our nation, and other peaceful countries, such as Australia. That means that for every Muslims family I see in our community, there is a good chance that one of them may have radical ideas. One of them may be the next murderer in our city, or another city. My suggestion is a simple one. It will not solve the entire problem but perhaps it will help. If a Muslim citizen leaves our country and visits radical nations such as Yemen, Iran, and other nations known to harbor Isis, then they should not be allowed to return to our country. No exceptions. They will know when they leave, it is forever. They will be locked out of our borders.

We are at war within the borders of our own nation. It was Chattanooga this week. It's been Boston, NYC, and other cities. This is only the beginning of the war we must fight. Yet our armed forces aren't carrying weapons while they are working in our country? What is wrong with that picture? How can we ever feel safe and protected when the armed forces are unarmed, yet the terrorist have several weapons on them? What a messed up idea. I do not feel safe! Not at all! In fact, I am afraid just like many of my other fellow citizens.

And finally, lets define a hero. A hero is a man who drags his wounded fellow officer out of harms way, while still exchanging fire with a terrorist. A hero is a man who runs toward danger in order to insure the safety of others. A hero is a man who lays down his own safety and may lose his life for our nation while he is at war either abroad or at home. A hero is NOT a man who cuts off his penis and wears a dress because he should have been a born a woman rather than born a man. God did not make a mistake when he created him as a man. This new definition of "hero" is just so screwed up these days. Our society is screwed up.

Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Period. I have gay friends. I love them. I have had them in my home, or conversed with them on Facebook. But I do not believe that they should be
married. God's word doesn't not teach that marriage is between two men or two women. As a Christian, I must stand up for Truth, and not what is correct in our current society.

Christians, please stand up with me on these Biblical thoughts. Yes, we will be persecuted, called names, and talked to like we are stupid. But we MUST stand up for what God's Word teaches. Being politically correct is not what we are called to do. We can speak the truth to others, and speak it in love. If they decide to hate us for it, that is on their shoulders. At least we have said what we are called to say.

I am not just preaching to others to live this out. I have personally had some very difficult talks with friends and family members who have bought in to society's way of thinking. In doing so, I have lost the love and respect of some people that I love so much. It is painful, and it is sad. But it is what I am called to do by my Lord. When I see Him face to face, I want Him to say "well done". He will wipe away my tears. I only hope and pray my friends and family will be there with me. God's word will not return void. That's a promise.

God have mercy on us all.....

Emily

I lost a friend today. I haven't seen her in several years but my love for her was always the same. You see, when I was a child, her family, Phil and Ed, and another family, the Olivers, and my family were the best of friends. We nicknamed ourselves The Hops (Huckabees, Olivers, and Price's) We barbequed together most every weekend, went swimming in the lake beside Phil and Emily's house, and vacationed together in Clearwater Florida every 4th of July Week.

Her son, Ed asked that all her friends write memories of her for his family. Where do I begin? So many memories. So many great times. But I'm going to give this a try....

Emily Huckabee was truly one of a kind. I have never known anyone like her. She was wonderful!

I do believe Emily had a sign on her house somewhere that said "all stray animals welcomed"! haha It seemed every time we were over there she had a new dog or cat that had roamed to her house. Phil always let her keep them. I can see him now, shaking his head and saying, "That's just Emily." She kept a supply of dog and cat food at all times for the animals God would send her way.

I remember the spider that she took up with. It slept on her pillow beside her head for a while. She woke up one morning and her spider had died. She was sad over losing her friend. Once she gave me a beautiful solid white kitten once. I'm sure she gave me several other animals over time. We shared the bond of loving all of God's Creation, and taking in strays any chance we had.

Laughter! The Huckabee's home was always full of laughter. It was a tiny little house but somehow we all fit in (all the HOPS). We were always welcomed. And they were always sad to see us leave. What great times we had together.

Our vacations were magical, at least in our eyes. We always stayed in the same motel, went swimming together, and ate together in the evenings. Emily loved to go looking for seashells at the beach early in the morning. One day she found a couple of large shells. She thought they were so beautiful! She brought them back to the motel and laid them on the dresser. During the night she woke up and saw her "shells" crawling across the dresser. Yes! They were very much alive! We all laughed and laughed over that for years to come!

There was the Kapok Tree Restaurant in Clearwater. Oh how Emily looked forward to our meal at the Kapok Tree! It was delicious! We could only afford to eat there once during our vacations so we saved it for the end of the week. We would spend our meal laughing and talking. Never a dull moment with "The Hops".

I remember when the Huckabees lost their beloved Phil. He died way too soon in a tragic accident. Emily lost the love of her life. Ed lost his beloved Dad. And we all lost a very dear friend. Life was never the same without Phil.

Emily, Ed and Phil attended Providence Baptist Church. Dad and I were laughing the other day about how we could always count on Emily to be the last one to show up for church. There may only have been 15 minutes left in the service, but she would still come in. It didn't bother her at all to be late. In fact, we all just expected her to be late, no matter where we were going. "That's just Emily" as Phil would say.

When my daughter was born, 26 years ago, Emily bought her a gift. She was very excited to get the gift to me. Twenty six years later, and I'm still waiting on that gift! haha She had such great intentions, but sometimes she had a hard time following through. No one minded though. We all knew how much she loved us. That's all that mattered.

Love. Unconditional love. Emily taught me about unconditional love. She loved everyone, no matter who they were or where they had been. She loved all of God's creatures. We were always welcomed in her home. And always left feeling loved.

I could share even more memories. Today I am so sad. Knowing that Emily was going home to be with Jesus, I was going to visit her one final time today. But she left this earth before I could make it. I am so sad that I didn't get to see her one last time. I am so sad that I didn't get to tell her what she meant to me and the difference she made in my life. We were both free spirits. Looking back now, I realize that because of Emily, I learned that being different, and being myself was perfectly Okay. God created everyone different. He broke the mold when he created Emily. She will live in my heart and mind until I die.

I love you Emily. Ed, I love you. And Phil, you are still missed. You made a mark on this world that won't be forgotten. So did Emily. With tears I say goodbye for now. But I will see you again someday. Emily and I will be on the side of Heaven that's full of animals! And once again we will laugh and be care free.

"Made to Love"

Today was a day like I have rarely ever seen. Grief over those injured and lost in that horrible car crash in Ooltewah, the prison escapee killed, grief over the lives lost in Charleston, and the passing of the law of gay marriage in every state in the US.

These events brought out many emotions in me. I must admit, the one emotion I felt the most was shame. I was ashamed of the hatred that many voiced so publicly. I was ashamed that a white man killed 9 lovely African American people while they were in a house of worship showing the killer love. I was ashamed that so many Christians think being gay is such a horrible sin, yet they hate so freely and think that's okay. They are even proud of their hatred, thinking God approves. What about adultery, lying, cheating, murder, and so on. Is that all okay? Not in God's eye's. Not according to His word.

The God I know does not approve of hatred. The God I know is Love. He loves everyone, no matter their race, sexuality, or the sin they commit. No one is perfect. If He turned His back on all of us for sin then who would He love? No one! Because we have all sinned. And if we claim we haven't committed sin, then we are Pharisees. (the worst of the worst).

Today was a day to show love. Today was a day to reach out to those who have lost loved ones, or who are different than we are. Not matter your race, sexuality, or religion, today was a day we should love one another. No fighting. No racial slurs. And certainly no hatred.

I serve a God of love. Jesus walked with those that we, as Christians, show hatred toward. I want to walk with those people too. I want to show the kind of love He showed when He walked on this earth.

If I have offended anyone, I am sorry. But I believe that today we missed an opportunity to be Jesus in the lives of many people, whether we agree or not. Love isn't about agreeing. Love is about reaching out to one another and caring for them whether we agree or not. Love is about reaching to others in their deepest needs and hurts. I have had very deep hurts, and very deep needs. I have sinned in very dark areas. I needed others to lean on during those times. Now is our time to reach out and love.

Let's allow God to judge. Not us! We are not capable of judging. Only He is capable. And only He knows who to forgive. Stop trying to take His place! He is our creator! And He knows right from wrong, those who truly love Him and serve Him, and those who do not.

Much love to everyone who reads. My heart breaks for those who lost precious loved ones in Charleston and in Ooltewah. And my heart aches for those who were attacked on FB and other social media today. My heart hurts for all the haters. Hate solves nothing. It only dishonors God and creates turmoil.

Imagine All The People...

I'm lying here tonight on my sofa, my little Maltipoo, Deacon, snuggled close to my side. My mind wanders back to a trip I was on around 5 years ago, or so. We had taken a drive from Pueblo Colorado to Crested Butte Colorado.

As we began the drive, I remember passing through tiny towns, winding through the mountains, following along beside the most gorgeous river of rapids I had ever seen. We entered the town of Salida, stopping and taking silly pictures along the way. From Salida we started the trek over one of the Fourteeners. The road was wide, yet winding. As we topped the tall mountain and drove into the valley below I recall suddenly becoming awe struck. The beauty is indescribable. Rambling shallow creeks through lush green fields full of horses. If you know me at all, you know I have a passion for horses. The farms houses were all different, some old and some new. They were all gorgeous, no matter their age. Wildflowers of all colors were blooming. In the background, for miles and miles I could see tall snow capped mountains. This view must be much like what Heaven will be like.

As we neared the distant mountains and the quaint village of Crested Butte, there were several moments when I sat in silence, my eyes filled with tears. I had never seen such beauty. I had never felt such peace. I was awe struck with love for our Creator. How could a God as huge as He is, love me enough to allow me to behold His splendor in such a unique place? It was a drive I will never forget as long as I live. It was a moment in time with God that was created just for me. I felt His love for me and my love for Him in such a unique way that day.

Today I have had this memory on my mind. I have also been wondering all day a simple question. What if I felt that kind of love and awe for my Savior every day? What if I could breathe Him in, not missing a moment of peace and beauty that He gives me daily? What would my life look like if I were filled with that kind of love daily? What about everyone else? What if we all loved Him the way I adored Him that day? How would that translate into our lives? What would our world be like if we all lived in peace and beheld His Beauty?

I believe it would wipe away all hate. We could disagree, yet still love. We could have compassion for one another the way Jesus did when He walked on the earth. We could allow for differences and still see the beauty in one another. We could desire God's best for others rather than calling them our enemy. We could forgive.

I know this is only a dream. As I studied in Genesis yesterday about Adam and Eve, I saw clearly how our world has become so twisted. Once Eve sinned, then Adam, there was no going back. We will always live in a sinful world. But it's so sweet to dream about what if.... It's so sweet to remember that day filled with meandering streams, horses, wildflowers and snow capped mountains. It's a pleasure to remember feeling in complete awe of the beauty He created. And it's amazing to remember the feeling of complete and total peace. Nothing else mattered but God and love and my family on that day.

I know we will never live in a perfect world. But what if we all changed our world around us when we can? What if we are kind to strangers? Give to others when prompted to give, rather than hold on to money and possessions so tightly? Slip a note to someone who needs encouraging? Go visit a friend who is sick, finding out what they need, rather than saying "if there's anything I can do let me know". What if we took a moment out of our day to contact an old friend, or say "I'm sorry" to someone we may have hurt along the way? What if we thanked someone who made a difference in our lives? I could go on and on. As I write, God is prompting my heart to do these things.

Thank you for reading as I reminisce and imagine. I want to strive to see Him everyday the way I saw Him that day in Colorado. I hope and pray some of you will join me on this journey to slow life down and just be in awe sometimes. And I hope you will join me in changing our little pieces of the world to look a little more like Jesus, to share His love with others.
I am so humbled that you read my little blog. To Him be all glory! Much Love to all of you!

Footsteps

You spent night after night pacing the floors, weeping and praying for me. Little did I understand how much I was breaking your heart. I was young and foolish. Yet you loved me anyway. It's the kind of love that only a mom knows.

The day came when all your prayers were answered. What a joyful day that was for you and for me. I have never let go of my Fathers Hand. Some days He has carried me. But every prayer you prayed for me has been answered, more than you could ask or dream for.

Now it's my time to carry the torch. I pace the floors crying and praying. Sometimes I am face down on the floor allowing the Holy Spirit to intercede for no words will come, moaning in prayer to my Father. Feeling pain beyond any I have ever known. I am sure you did the very same thing for me. I'm sure your pain was as deep as mine.

Because you prayed, because you never gave up, that is my legacy now. Because you loved unconditionally, I will love unconditionally.

I am confident in this. I will see the day of victory just like you did. I will be amazed and give Him all the glory just like you did. I cannot wait for that day. At times my heart feels weak and faint. But I will keep on keeping on, loving unconditionally, praying without ceasing, and never losing faith.

For with God, nothing is impossible. You taught me that. I've watched you live that life. I will follow in your footsteps as long as I have breath. I will always believe, allow the Spirit to intercede when the pain is unbearable, and know that I know that I will see the day when God will answer my prayers bigger and better than I could ever imagine. Joy. Pure joy. Rejoicing, just as you did, for your child had come home.

I love you more than you know, Mama.

Purity and The Controversery

My daughter chose purity. In 2002, we stood in front of hundreds of people at Silverdale Baptist Church, and she made a vow to her father and I that she would remain pure. One that day, she proudly choked out the vows to remain pure until her wedding day. And we proudly choked out our vows to hold her accountable, to keep our home as an environment that would help her make keep this vow, to guard her as much as possible, and to openly discuss this decision with her over the next several years, right up until her wedding day. She proudly wore a ring that represented her vow. She studied the biblical meaning of a vow, and knew how seriously saying a vow to God was going to be. But she was determined to make that choice.  Little did we know how difficult this decision would become and how much controversy it would cause.

Over the years she lost several boyfriends because of her decision. Even the most godly young men couldn't deal with her remaining pure. She went through much heartache and pain, losing a couple of young men that she felt she had a future with. She was criticized and even mocked over her choice. We had very deep conversations, and even arguments as I fought to help her keep her vow. Hurt and pain came from the vow, but she stayed true to herself and to God. And God honored her...

One day, almost two and a half years ago, she meet an amazing, handsome young man. He saw her as a future wife, not just someone to have sex with at the time. Though he had never thought of purity because of his upbringing, he decided to join her in her quest to remain pure. He not only joined her, but he has protected her in every way possible from any temptation they may have as they dated.

Nothing ever prepared her for the firestorm that would follow. It seemed that friends and acquaintances took up two camps, with a few friends in the "Remain Pure" camp, and many friends in the "That's just not the way life is in this day and age" camp. Friends and family turned their backs on them, became angry, and mocked them for their choice. They even lost a couple of friends who were so far against their decision. They were cussed out and teased. And they have been supported and loved by those who agree with their choice. Even several friend who didn't choose purity have encouraged them to stay the course until they were married.

The point of this blog is not to shame anyone in any way. Most of my friends, family and acquaintances have not chosen this course for their life. I believe that Jesus Himself was tempted in all ways, including sexual temptation so He understands the struggle. I also believe that it's much easier to give in and have sex than to remain pure. If you have not chosen the same path, I am not condemning you in any way, shape or form. You are still loved and respected by me and by Lindsay no matter what your choice. And if you are a Christian, there is always forgiveness from God. He never turns away His children just because they made a mistake. I would extend love to you. We all have skeletons in our closest, no matter what our sin is. Not one of us can proclaim to be innocent. Lindsay has many other things that she struggles with. We all have our own path in life. Our paths include both good choices, bad choices and regrets over choices we have made. I certainly have mine. Everyone has different struggles along the way. Not one of us should condemn the other,

My question is this. Why not love and support those who have chosen the path of purity? It is not an easy path, but it is the right choice for her. She has many friends who made the same choice. They are married now, and they have no regrets whatsoever.

The truth is, this is not the way people live their lives these days. Living together and having sex outside of marriage is the most common way of life for most people. For those of you who believe this way is perfectly fine, we still love you. We don't mock you or tease you. We don't preach to you about your choice. Unless you bring it up, we don't discuss it with you. It is your business and between you and God.

So why not give those who choose purity the same respect?

In 6 months from yesterday I will walk Lindsay down the isle. I will be a very proud and happy momma as I give Lindsay's hand to her love, Daniel. At that moment, she will give me her purity ring. It will be a sign to us of the heartache, pain, and now the joy that has come along with purity. Celebrate this moment with us! Whether you agree or not, it's the path she has chosen. She freely loves you all, no matter what your choice has been. No condemnation. As a tear may fall from my eye at that moment, just know that it's a been a long battle that we fought hard for. In a life full of hurts, pain, and disappointment, this will be a moment of victory. Please rejoice with us as the struggle comes to an end and she can freely give herself to the love of her life.

Much love everyone!

I am Yours and You are Mine

Often times I find myself praying continuously for the needs of others. "Father, please heal my dear friend...Father please provide for the needs of my sweet sister....Father, Heal their broken marriage..." and so on.

As I sit here tonight, tears streaming down my face, I wonder why it is that I do not ask Him for my own needs as often as I should, or even ask Him for my wants? As I search my heart, I believe it's a trust issue. It's so easy for me to trust God for my friends health, or the financial needs of others, for the salvation of others, or even ask Him for the deepest desires of my close friends. Yet I brush by my own desires and needs as if He isn't big enough to answer my own prayers, or He doesn't care about my needs and desires.

Am I afraid He won't answer the way I ask Him to? Am I afraid of His silence on certain desires or needs? Is it a lack of faith on my part? I must admit, it's probably a little bit of all of the above. I depend greatly on my family and friends to pray for me, and they always do. But do I come boldly before Him asking on my own behalf? Sometimes I do! And sometimes I do not.

As I write tonight I am reminded of the theme I have used for over a year now. It's the words to my favorite song of all time, "Oceans" by Hillsong.

"Spirit lead to me where my trust is without borders" This is my daily prayer, and the theme of my relationship with Him. Yet I'm afraid tonight my trust may fall short.

So, once again, before my friends and family, I renew this undying trust that I desire to live for the rest of my life.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. So I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine."

Now, I'm about to embark upon a new journey. Yes, I feel afraid. But I am keeping my eyes on Him, just like Peter. in Matthew 14:22-34. "Take courage. It is I. Don't be afraid" Yes, Lord, I trust You and I will take courage, even when the waves make me feel afraid, for I am Yours, and You are mine.

Much Love to you all! And much praise and glory to our King! Amen

By faith Abraham obeyed and went even though he didn't know where he was going....

Without fail, when I really open up with my writing, I have others reach out to me saying "Thank you so much for sharing! I am going through the same thing!"

Well, here goes...

Being in the 'sandwich' stage of life is one of the hardest, yet most beautiful times of my life. It's so difficult to watch my parents age. There's a sense of what's to come with every moment we spend together. Yet, I really don't know exactly what's to come. I have no idea how life will play out. No matter what, it's so difficult to watch them lose their friends one by one, go through sickness, experience loneliness, lose their siblings, and grow older.

There's also guilt that comes along with it. I feel so guilty that I can't spend more time with them. I can't make up for the close friends they've lost. They have given their lives to me, supporting me, and loving me through everything I've ever been through, never giving up on me. Yet now, I feel so helpless with them. I want to fix all their hurt, health problems, and make them young again. But there's nothing I can do. I can only love them, and listen to them as they talk about what life feels like for them now.

Then there's my younger generation. I raised them to spread their wings and fly. I am watching them fly the nest. Their flight is at times a struggle, but also very beautiful. I am watching my prayers that I have prayed for them for 26 years all be answered. Some prayers are answered exactly like I prayed. Others are being answered in different ways than I thought they would be, or taking longer than I expected. Unexpected life experiences are constantly being thrown at me. Life is so great! And life hurts, as I watch them grow older. Yet I am so happy for them, for their new lives, and for the beauty I see as they grow up and leave the nest. What joy they bring me!

Add to all this, being a single mom, and dealing with it all alone and it adds an entirely different layer to life. I am not unhappy with my singleness. In fact, as odd as this may sound, it's been a blessing. I have learned even more than ever before to lean on God for my every need, and to praise Him in the good times and difficult times. God has put me all back together, made me stronger, healed my hurts, and I hope made me a little more wise. But at times I do wish there was someone by my side to share in the victories, pride, and grief as each generation brings their own joy and pain into life.

How about you? Are any of you feeling the same things? I would love to hear from you if you are sharing the same joy and the same heartache. Let's gather around one another, pray for each other, and support each other. I believe that's what God intends for His people. There's nothing more beautiful than His people loving on Him, and loving each other. You can email me at kypw77@yahoo.com, or contact me in a private message on Facebook!

Much love dear friends. Thank you so much for reading! It truly humbles me.

I Wish We all Could Win

I am so blessed with several close friends. Each relationship is different, and each is very special to me. One of my very close friends and I email each other back and forth most every day. We talk about everything from the mundane, to our heartbreaks, to our love for Christ, and our walk with Him. We share Scriptures along the way. It's a very special relationship because we truly understand one another.

A couple of weeks ago, I received and email from my dear friend. She was emailing me about her day. She was telling me all she had accomplished that day around the house and doing her shopping. Then she began to list all the things she still didn't get done. She then said something to me that I thought was so profound. She said, "Why can't I ever let myself win?". Wow! Isn't that every woman's battle? We cannot ever let ourselves win. No matter how much we do, how smart we are, or how many people we help we feel it's never enough.

God immediately brought to my mind a reply to my sweet sister. As I began to answer her email, the words flowed through my finger tips as if God had a special message, not just for her, but for me. My reply went something like this:
"When are we ever going to learn to see ourselves though God's eyes instead of the eyes of man? God tells us plainly in His Word that we are the apple of His eye. Why are we the apple of His eye? It's not because of anything we do, anything we say, or how much we accomplish during a day. Rather it is because He just loves us. There's no stipulations, no hoops we have to jump through, and no standard we have to live up to. We do not have to be a perfect mom, have a great job, a college education, or keep a perfect house. He just loves us. His love is not based on a single thing we could ever do! Some way, somehow, we HAVE to begin to live our lives like we are the apple of God's eye no matter what we accomplish."

As I typed those words to my wonderful sister, something supernatural began to happen in me. You see, I have always felt that I needed to earn love by being "good enough". Whether it was the love of God or the love of people, I have always felt that no matter what I do, it's never enough. On that day, God began to free me from the bondage of trying to earn love or trying to be enough. I am still on the journey of replacing the old tapes that have played in my head for so many years with the Truth that God tells me that He thinks about me. I will say this: since I started this journey, my new way of thinking has been tried at times. But through those trials, God has always brought me back to the truth. I am the apple of His eye. I have not earned it by anything I have done. I just am, because He loves me.

Much Love!

"Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings" Psalm 17:8

You Know Me!

Several years ago, on Christmas Day, I received a gift I never expected. We had gathered as a family, opened gifts, and I thought our Christmas morning ritual was over when Daniel said, "Wait Mom. You have one more gift. Lindsay will you help me?" They were both grinning from ear to ear as they went down stairs. Anxiously I sat and awaited their return. I heard a little commotion downstairs, then each of them came upstairs carrying a rocking chair! Daniel had been saving his money for months in order to buy me 2 rocking chairs. You see, since he was a small child I had told him about my Grandmother and her rocking chair. I remembered her rocking in that little chair. I remembered the creaking sound it made as she rocked for endless hours. I would tell my children that story and always end it by saying, "I just love rocking chairs".

As I look back on that Christmas morning, I recall an overwhelming feeling of being known. I remember tears stinging my eyes as I realized that Daniel had been listening all those years. He remembered the stories of my Grandmother, but most of all, he remembered that I always told him how I loved rocking chairs. His gift proved a simple fact to me. He knew me. Ah...the feeling of being known.

Last night I received an email from my sister in law. It was a personal email written to Lindsay and I. As I read it, I remember once again that overwhelming feeling of the joy of being known. She had taken an experience Lindsay and I recently had, understood our thoughts and concerns, and echoed back to us the fact that she knew us, and how we were feeling. Ah...the feeling of being known...

Isn't that something we all long for? I am not married. But many times I see couples who are very close, whispering to one another, giving one another a knowing look, or squeezing each others hand. I always pause for a second and think "How nice it is for them to truly be known in such an intimate way".

It's no wonder we all have that longing. It's a God-made feeling for us to enjoy. The Bible says this:
^"You are My witnesses, says the Lord, and My servant whom I have chosen, that you may know Me, believe Me and remain steadfast to Me, and understand that I am He. Before Me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after Me." Isaiah 43:10

We are created in God's image. Our Creator longs to be known by us. In fact, He has chosen us to  know Him! He not only longs for us to know Him, but as we grow in our knowledge of Him we learn to believe Him. The more we believe Him, the more we remain steadfast to Him and begin to understand that He is Yahweh. "I am He". No matter what we are going through, we know we can always trust The Great I Am.

Ah...What a lovely thought. The God of the Universe, our Creator, longs to be known. The peace and joy we find when we are truly known comes straight from our Father. That's how He created us, and that's what He deeply desires...."That you may know me"..... As a single woman, when I have that longing to be known, to be understood, I can always look at Jesus Christ. He understands that feeling. After all, He shares the same desire.


Much Love,
Kim

Love at first sight

It was love at first sight that day I saw you at PetSmart. There were so many puppies in that little closure. But you were the one that caught my eye, or should I say, I caught your eye. Lindsay caught your eye too. You kissed our hands and faces until we knew it was true, forever love.

We brought you home that day, shocking your "Bubba" when he saw you. It was love at first sight. The two of you were inseparable. The two of you played together hour after hour. You were always teasing us, making us laugh, and by our side when we needed you. Your unconditional love was always exactly what we needed through the hard times, tears, and through the best of times. Waiting at the top of the steps to give us a kiss when we walked in from a long hard day, you were the first one we saw, and it was love at first sight.

Our family was in constant transition. We said hello, and goodbye to friends and family time and time again. Lindsay and Daniel moved in and out. Friends stayed with us, then moved out. We lost other family members.You were the one constant love in our lives, never leaving us, never rejecting us, and never failing us. It was constant, consistent love you showed us day after day. You never left my side, and loved all of us more every single day.

Today as you laid on the blanket, you kissed our hands and faces as you became drowsy and then fell asleep. As I slipped out of the door and looked back, it was love at last sight.

You were one of a kind. We had a rare bond that I will hold in my heart forever. And someday, I pray, you will be in heaven. As soon as I see you again, it will be love at first sight.

I miss you more than I ever dreamed I would. I will always love you, Gordon. "Stinky" "Stinky man" "Grover" "Gordoms" "Widdles". You would answer to anything. haha So blessed to have you for 13 wonderful years. God knew exactly the dog we would need by our side as we walked our journey. Today you needed to go and rest in peace. No more suffering and no more pain. You're forever in my heart.

Love you so, but you knew that everyday of your life. Of all the people in the world, God gave you to us! We were blessed for 13 years by your love. I miss you terribly. That will eventually fade, but my love for you will never go away.

Always and forever, dear Gordon,
Thank you for all your love. 

Sittin' On The Front Porch Waiting...

While talking with a friend on the phone last evening, he began to describe to me where he would love to be at that very moment. "Here's my dream, Kim. Let me describe it to you. I would love to be at a cabin, in the mountains, sitting on the porch and sipping a cup of coffee. Just watching the squirrels, and hanging out..."

As you all know, I love the mountains. Sitting on the porch at my favorite cabin is heaven on earth to me. My friends verbal painting caused me to think of our Heavenly Father. Picture this: Our Father sitting on the front porch of a cabin, watching, His eyes searching the horizon for one of His children to show up in the far distance. He is searching, waiting, watching. All at once He sees His child far in the distance. He stands to His feet, reaching out his arms. As the child slowly approaches, head down, feeling ashamed, our Father turns and steps off the porch. The child never leaves His sight. He begins to walk faster toward His child, calling his name. The child begins to look up, remembering where he came from, remembering the days he walked with his Father. It seems so long ago, and yet our Father feels like no time has passed.

Our Fathers steps quicken, until He is running. The child sees His Father running, arms wide opened. As he views this magnificent sight, he begins to look straight ahead. Their eyes lock. Then the child begins to run. The miles that once separated them no longer exist. Instead, they are within inches of one another. And the child falls...he falls into our Fathers arms. Over come with relief, joy and peace, he begins to cry. Immediately our Father is crying tears of joy. "Oh my child, I've been sitting on the front porch waiting. I've never forgotten. Never once have you left my mind. Welcome home, child. Let's sit down, have some coffee, and relax together. You are finally back where you belong."

I don't know about you, but I have certainly had my moments where I have been that child walking over the horizon, head down, feeling ashamed. Without fail, my Father has stood to His feet and ran to greet me. We have both shed tears of joy.

As I grow older, those times seem to be farther and farther apart. I am learning to never let my Father leave my sight. Life is much easier if we never walk away from where we belong. If I keep my eyes locked into His eyes, safety and love abound. There's no place safer than that front porch with my Father. For me, that's Home.

This blog was inspired by a conversation with my friend David, and by this song, "Come On Home" by Brady Toops. (give it a listen. It's an awesome song). All glory, praise and honor to Him!
Much Love everyone!
Kim