It was a lovely autumn day in Tennessee. The sky was as blue as it could be. There was a slight chill in the air. I was excited. I was heading to my Friend's house for some coffee and to sit and talk on His front porch.
As I turned to make the drive down the long driveway, I slowed to a crawl, relishing in every moment of the beauty around me. The driveway wound around until, at last, the house was in view. It was a house with beauty beyond words. Sitting in the clearing, surrounded by woods, the wrap around porch on His home looked so warm and inviting. Rocking chairs and a porch swing welcomed anyone who would come, any who was willing to make the long drive.
As I climbed out of my car, my Friend welcomed me with open arms. His laughter filled the air, as He said to me "Kim! My friend, thank you for making the long drive. You have been constantly on my mind. Come. Sit down. Let's talk." I quickly grabbed my favorite rocking chair. I had spent many hours in that rocking chair talking with my Friend over the years.
He disappeared into the house, and quickly returned with my favorite iced tea. He was always so quick to serve me with the greatest hospitality.
"I didn't bake cookies this time. I know you're watching what you eat. Though, to me, you always look beautiful." I laughed and said to him, "After all these years, You know me too well."
We sat in silence for a few minutes enjoying the view, and sipping our tea. He quietly broke the silence with His soft words. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately. I've had you constantly on my heart for a long time." I began to spill out the events of the past few months.
As I spoke, He he responded by refocusing my attention. "And, what have you learned from all this?" he asked, in a typical Teacher like manner.
I sat quietly for a while in deep thought. Then I began to list to Him all I'd learned. I laughed and said, "You know me, I've had to relearn many of the old lessons I have been learning for years. Forgiveness, self control, and to shut my mouth are among some of the many lessons I have had to review." We both laughed because we both knew these are lessons I have worked on for years.
Then I dropped my head, and my eyes filled with tears. "There's one lesson that has been the hardest for me. It's been a battle that I fought when I was young, and never won. So now, at the ripe old age of 54, I am learning to win this battle." He looked at me and said, "Look in my face child, and tell me about this lesson." As I looked full into his face, I felt a new confidence, accompanied by such peace.
"Well, you see, for my entire life I have always feared what people thought of me. I have always wondered if I was good enough, if people were whispering behind my back, or if I was the one people joked about when my back was turned." My Friend looked full into my eyes. His eyes were so kind and full of compassion. "Yes, Kim, I know this has been a struggle for you. Don't feel bad. Many people have the same struggle. You are not alone in this one."
I began to speak again, my voice sounding a little stronger. "I have learned that I cannot stop what people say or think about me. I have learned that I can't put out every fire, every time someone turns away from me, and believes things that are not true. Oh, I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have made phone calls, and sent emails in a lame attempt to defend my reputation. But along the way, I have learned from You that reputation doesn't matter. I have learned that I have no control over what people say, or think, whether it is good or bad. I have learned to lay down my pride, and walk humbly, just as you do. You have taught me so much. You have shown me through your own life, that worrying about whether or not people believe lies, or are thinking badly of me is pride. Pride is sin. I have watched you walk in truth and love, with no worries about what others think. You have only cared about what our Heavenly Father thinks. From your example, I am learning to replace those worries and fears with thoughts of our Father, and what He thinks of me. It takes practice! But I am learning that what He thinks is what really matters. And you know me, I can be a slow learner." We both had a good laugh.
Then my friend spoke with the wisdom I always expect from him. "Kim, what matters is that YOU know who you are. You know, as do I, that you are living to please our Heavenly Father. You know in your heart that while you are far from perfect, your goal in life is to bring Him glory. And for that, He is pleased. He does not expect perfection, He expects devotion. As long as you get up every day and live to please Him, not others, then He is very proud of you. He will bless your efforts, though you will fail at times."
"It's so hard", I said, "because it hurts when people I care about turn away from me and think poorly of me." He replied, with eyes full of love, "Of course it hurts! I know this feeling all too well! I happened to me over and over. Even my dearest friend denied me. But always remember, fill your mind with thoughts of how much our Father loves you. And always remember how much I love you. Our Father and I know who you are at the core of your heart. So do you. Hold on to that. Time will heal the pain and worries. And those who truly know you and truly love you will never doubt you. So don't doubt yourself. Bask in how far you've come, and the process you are still going through. And, for heavens sake, push what others think out of your mind! You have no control over that! Their thoughts are between them and the Father!"
I left my Friend's beautiful home that day somehow feeling lighter. I felt as if a load had been lifted. Just saying my thoughts out loud to a loved one made my steps a little lighter. My confidence began to grow again. Laying down my pride and following His wise advise to walk humbly before the Father was the best medicine I could ever take. It was a hard pill to swallow in the beginning. But, with practice, it got easier. In the end, there was healing, and it was well worth the pain, for I emerged much stronger than ever before, but I'm still a work in process. The pain was worth it, for the journey I got to take was beautiful.
"The Rocking Chair" a story by Kim Price Weaver 10/28/13
