"When I don't understand, I will choose You..You are good""

A dear friend of mine, Mary, asked me the other day how she could pray for me. She asked how I was doing spiritually and emotionally during this difficult time in my life. Here's a snapshot into my response to Mary:

"I used to think that life came in seasons, that you would go through hard times, then things were good for a while and so on. I don't think that way anymore. Any and every day is full of both good and bad, weakness and strength. Some days the good out weighs the bad, and some days its the opposite. But there's some of both throughout life..."

My message went on with some deeply personal details. Then I explained to her that at the end of the day, my heart still breaks and I still cry over the same heartache I've had for over a year now. Again, I am not going into the details because its so deeply personal. This is the truth I have found, though. Yes, I have had an unexpected health issue that has put me on the sidelines for a while. Over time, other serious health problems have come into play, and now I'm into a full blown health crisis. But when I lay my head on my pillow, my health isn't what matters. Those I love are what matters most. They are who have my heart, and who I hold dearest when I lay my head on my pillow to sleep. True love and loved ones are what counts in life. Its not money, or fame, or prestige, or possessions. It's God, and the people He places in our lives to love.

I would NEVER have chosen to have a DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis. In simple English, a dangerous blood clot). I would never have chosen to be on leave from my job that I love so dearly. I would never have wanted to miss out on time with my wonderful friends, or miss a shopping outing with Lindsay. But God saw things differently. He needed me elsewhere for a while.

I have a wonderful wise friend named Patsy. Patsy had blood clots several years ago. She understands the treatment, and the pain I am in. She understands being sidelined from life as I knew it, because she had to go through the same thing. She understands the what its like to have your life change in a moment. So I have leaned on her a lot for the last few weeks. Patsy gave me some advice the first week I was sick. She explained to me that, in time, I would adapt to this new life I have to live. And life would go on and I would be OK. I have drawn off of that for weeks. Today I wrote to Patsy. Here's a little bit of what I said to her:

"Patsy, I draw on some advice you gave me when I first got this blood clot. Back then, I had no idea I'd be having the cysts and pain, too. You told me that we learn to adapt and be OK no matter what is happening to us. That is so true. Yes, it is frustrating to me some days, but God is so gracious.
I also have realized that He has used me in these new circumstances. One example: There is a lab tech at my Drs office. I don't even know her name. But we have talked a lot over the past few weeks. I learned that her husband died unexpected in Sept. Now she's a single mom, and its the holidays. I can see the grief all over her face. Time after time, in some supernatural way, I can see God brings her comfort when she and I talk. If I had never had a blood clot, I would never have gotten to know her, and her story.
There are other stories, and other moments or encounters that have happened where I have seen His hand, whether its Him using me, or Him using someone in my life. I NEVER wanted to leave my job, my co workers, or the kids at work. I love them all so much! If it were up to me, I would have continued on in my 'normal' life, working, spending time with my friends, hanging out with Lindsay, and going to church. I was perfectly content in my life. In some weird way, I have learned to see His beauty in these circumstances. I would NEVER have chosen this for myself, yet He is using it all for His glory. And that's what matters"

That pretty much sums up my journey so far. I am learning to embrace where I am, because the God of the universe appointed me to go through this. He had new lives He wanted to use me in. And he had a new journey for me and my own faith. He had new things for me to learn. One thing I am learning is to embrace the change He puts you in rather than fight against it, for He has a reason that is far beyond what we can see Him doing.

I would be remiss if I wrote today and didn't mention the tragedy our nation is enduring in Connecticut. I can not begin to imagine their pain. My lovely kids at work are just a little younger than those children. They are so innocent, so curious, and carefree at that age. In Connecticut, those kids got up this morning excited about Santa, and now their parents are suffering unimaginable grief.
Dear Heavenly Father, Bring the comfort and peace that only you can bring to those family. We do not understand it all, but we do know You are the God who can comfort. This crime is unspeakable, unimaginable. May we, as a nation, turn to you, the One True God, the only Hope we have. Blessed be Your Name.

Gods Word says this: 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)

^" if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 
Jesus, have mercy on our land. We have failed You. Bring repentance through this horrible tragedy. Amen

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14c_sCyQ2Lo

Idenity Crisis

For years I have struggled with my identity. If we all were honest, I think every woman does this. I have have often envied women who love to entertain guest, or have dinner parties, or work full time jobs and manage their homes and families with grace.

As I have gotten older, I have come to accept who I am and where God has placed me in this world. But there are still days I struggle with wishing I were different, or more like someone else. If I am completely honest, today is one of those days. I don't like parties, large social events, or entertaining large groups of people. I don't enjoy playing games, whether it's board games, cards, or playing games figuratively with people and manipulating them. None of that is me. I am not a spotless house keeper. I have never felt led to work full time. I don't think much of having money or material possessions. I am perfectly happy sitting quietly and watching the sunset. I don't like to shop, but I do it often, only for building relationships, and not to buy things. :) I have a shy streak in me so I can be the quietest person in the room. And some days I just don't really feel like talking. I'd rather pull away and be alone.

But God, in His lovingkindness, has confirmed to me over and over today, and this past week, that He created me to be me! And He needs me to simply do that: be the best me I can be. I love one on one time with friends, or small groups of friends. I love building relationships. In fact, that is a vital part of my life that keeps me going. I love knowing where a person comes from and what makes them tick. I love encouraging and serving others. I love my spiritual gifts and try to embrace every opportunity I have to use them. I try to live my life deliberately, trying to never turn down the chances I have to make a difference in someone's life.

I must admit, He has surprised me this past week with circumstances, and opportunities that I never thought I would have. Looking back now, I see how trying to embrace who He created me to be over the past years has played into each and every conversation that I have had lately. At times I have felt overwhelmed both with love for the people in my life, and overwhelmed with guilt for not being 'enough' to others.  I most definitely need improvement, and so I am still learning and growing. Today, I am incredibly grateful and humbled for each and every chance He has given me whether I got it right, or not.

Can I get an "amen" from anyone else? If anyone reading this has gone through this struggle, I'd love to hear from you! After all, I love getting to know people and hearing their stories!

Love you all!

Angel Unaware

I randomly remembered the other day something that happened when Daniel was born. When I entered the hospital to have Daniel, I was asked if I wanted to try a morphine drip to manage the pain. (I was about to have a C-Section). Without a second thought I told them YES! I knew what was in store for me and I wasn't looking forward to the pain afterwards.

Within a few hours after Daniel was born, I began to regret this quick decision. I began to itch all over. It was an itch like poison ivy. I couldn't scratch enough. I couldn't rest. I couldn't sleep. I felt like I would go crazy with this itch. Nurse after nurse came into my room. I would tell them over and over how badly I was itching and without fail their response was "You don't have a rash of any kind. I don't see anything, so I'll just order you some benedryl and you'll feel better." But hour after hour I was still itching. Nothing helped and no one listened to me.

After hours and hours of going out of my mind, a nurse I had never seen before came through my door. "Mrs Weaver? I hear you are having some problems with itching. This is a side effect from that morphine you're on. Let me help you feel better!" With that she pulled out some cocoa butter lotion and began to put lotion on me. "Show me where you're itching and I'll rub you really good with this lotion! It will help you so much. And I am turning off this morphine. As soon as it's out of your system you'll feel so much better."

For the first time since I'd had my surgery, I felt understood. I felt her genuine compassion. I remember her voice being so caring and kind. I remember feeling such relief, not so much from the lotion, but from her words of encouragement. She brought to me such a sense of warmth. She brought a real sense of God to me that day.

She left my room as I finally began to dose off, feeling so much better. I never saw her again. I don't remember her name. But I do remember her compassion. I have been thinking about her today and wondering who she was and why she believed me and cared enough to try and give me some relief. I have also been thinking about how I want to be that person. I want to be the person that brings compassion, caring and a sense of God to others. That nurse, whom ever she is, has long since forgotten me, and that day. But 21 years later, I remember it well...

Funny how the little things can impact someone else's life forever....

Someone tweeted this verse this morning and I have carried it with me all day.
1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.


That verse sums things up perfectly...
I am once again humbled that you are reading my little blog. Much love!

The Sun Still Burns the Shadows Out

I don't sleep well the night before I leave to go on a trip, and this night was no different. We were leaving Amelia Island to travel home the next day and I wasn't looking forward to the drive. We were to leave at 7:30am, but I was wide awake at 3am, tossing and turning, simply ready to get on with the trip. I finally decided to get up and watch for the sun to rise from our balcony. By this time it was around 4:30. I made some coffee and took a seat, excited to see the sun come up. I think I was expecting a magical moment. But instead, I sat and waited, feeling a little irritable and restless. Finally the sky began to lighten. It was ever so slight, but I was still anxious for the impending sun rise to began. I sat and waited, and waited. Still no sun. I began to get antsy. I paced about the deck, then went into the condo and paced about, packing a few things and trying to fill the time until my family would wake up. I walked out to my view every 5 or 10 minutes waiting and watching. Still no sun. Finally, my restlessness began to ease as the sky got lighter and lighter.

I returned to my perch once again to watch the show. But there was no show. Instead, I saw clouds covering the horizon. The sky was light, but the clouds covered the sun for quite some time.
I gave up on this magical sunrise that I wanted so badly and returned to packing. After a few minutes I returned for one last look, and there it was! The most beautiful sunrise! Finally, the sun was up in all it's beautiful glory, no clouds or haze, pure sunshine! I grabbed my phone and quickly took a picture.

In that moment I realized that the morning of sleeplessness, my restlessness, clouds, and this sunrise would come to mean more to me than just another morning.

This sunrise reminded me of the progression my life has taken in the last 3 1/2 years. You see, Lindsay and I witnessed a great tragedy on beautiful spring day a few years back, as we stood helplessly and watched a man take his own life just a few feet in front of us. This one tragic event seemed to start a spiral of events, most of which I can't speak of to protect the privacy of those I love. It has seemed relentless at times.

Ever since that tragic day, I have felt as if I am in a war. There have been days that were as dark as night. There have been days that I would vaguely see the light. And there have been days that the sun was there, yet it was covered with clouds.

Then there are days like the past few days. Days when the sun has been shining as bright as it can be. Today has been a day full of hope, joy, laughter, and sun light. Thank God! I am fully aware of the battle that is still raging all around, in my life and the lives of so many people that I love. But I am basking in the sun while it is shining. I am learning to pay attention to the joy God gives through the small things in life, such as a good laugh with a friend, or song that touches me deeply. Praise His name for 'the sun that burns the shadows out'!

I know so many of you that have been in the war along with me. We suffered heartache, loss, cried many tears, and grieved together. We've prayed hard for each other and been a shoulder for one another. I have seen the work of the enemy attempting to destroy so many lives all around me. There are days that the battle is exhausting. These are the days that we either live what we believe, or we crumbled. We've talked to one another about how we've never seen times like these that we are living in.

And then there are days of glorious relief. His presence is so evident. Today I have been able to rest my soul, and bask in the love of my Savior. Praise God for the sunshine, and that beautiful sunrise He woke me up to view on that beautiful summer day!

Love you all! And love the way we do life together! I am a blessed woman!

A horse named Sundae. A friend named Sherri. Love.

When I was 15, I owned a horse. She was the sweetest horse I have ever been around. Her name was Sundae. Sundae got her name because she looked like an ice cream Sundae. She was a pretty little paint, a racking horse. Nothing special to anyone but me. But for me, she represented a freedom that I have rarely known. I could ride her with no saddle (which is how I usually rode) and at times I would jump on her with no bridle either. I would guide her with my words and a gentle tug on her mane. It was as if she read my mind. What a special animal.

Few people know about my passion for horses. I love everything about them. I love their soft noses, their smell, seeing them run, or just peacefully graze in a pasture. I love their unique markings, and colorings. For me, a horse is one of Gods most beautiful creations. There have been many times that I have seen a horse and its brought tears to my eyes. I long to own one again. I long to ride, to run, to feel the wind on my face and the freedom that riding brings.

One Sunday when I was 15, I invited a friend over to ride Sundae with me. She was so excited. She shared my love for horses and couldn't wait to climb on Sundae and go for a ride. We rode double, and bare back. I remember that day so well. What fun we had! We laughed, and giggled. It was as if Sundae joined in on our party. She seemed to be enjoying every second of the day, too.

Little did I know, that day was a life changing day for me, and for my friend, Sherri. After that Sunday afternoon we were bonded forever. It was as if God used our ride, Sundae, and that afternoon to knit our hearts together forever.

Since then our friendship has gone through ups and downs. We still laugh about all the mischief we got into. We've had our hard times. There were seasons in our lives where we didn't talk as much, and then many many seasons when we were inseparable. We've raised our kids together, dog sat each others dogs, cried together when our precious pets have passed away, colored each others hair (oh my!), met the Osmonds together, (haha!! true story!), and seen Alabama more times than I can remember. We have lost family members so dear that I can hardly speak of the unbearable grief, walked through marriage and divorce together, suffered heartache together, cried rivers, and shared more laughter than any two girlfriends I know of.

Tomorrow, Sherri has a birthday. I am sitting here and replaying so much of our lives in my head. She is such an amazing woman. She loves God and her family with unwavering passion and faithfulness. She is a faithful friend to so many. I consider her one of the wisest women I know. She's usually the first one I run to when I need advice, or just an ear to listen. How blessed beyond measure I am to have a friend like Sherri Turner. Our friendship is a treasure. And I thank God for her faithfulness and love.
Who knew that day that we jumped on my precious Sundae and rode the day away, that the most beautiful friendship was beginning. Almost 40 years later, we're stronger than ever.
We've always had a saying we say to each other. It's the best way we have to describe our love.
So, here's to you, Sherri Turner....For time and eternity...Happy Birthday, my dearest friend...
I love you so much!

"Testing the Strong Ones"

What a week! I have taken each moment step by step, knowing I was going through a lot, but trying to just take it as it came. My son moved out this week. I got some devastating news about something a loved one is doing. My dear friend went through the one year anniversary of the death of her son. I was flat out rejected by someone I hold close in my heart. I found out a dear friend has breast cancer. Found out of more lies and betrayal. I've been coming to terms with some uncertainties. Carrying it all pretty much alone. And then today, to ice the cake, on my way out the door this morning, our toilet ran over...no time to clean it because I was already running late....and then, I lifted my hands to praise God in church and realized my deodorant wasn't working. Holy cow!!! haha How embarrassing! Who on earth does that happen to?? Oh, that's right! ME!! lol haha

Then the dam almost broke. You know...the final straw... I almost went into the ugly cry. All of us women know exactly what that looks like, and its not something you want to do in public. (Even though I had already lost it twice in public this week and cried the ugly cry, I didn't want to do it again. Certainly not in church, where everyone acts like they have it all together...) But subtly my tears began to flow. I remember one day last week crying before God and saying "This is all I can take! I am at my limit." But it kept coming. And He kept giving me the strength as I needed it.

 I cried all the way home this morning, called my daughter, and cried to her. Then I began to realize I did have plenty to be grateful for. I began to think over the little things that also happened that brought me great joy. Gordon (our dog) always brings a smile to my face. I briefly spoke to an old friend that I hadn't talked to in months. I had lunch with a friend, and even though her grief over losing her son was so deep, we managed to laugh a little. I got to see my son's new apartment. And I ate way more ice cream than I should have... Most importantly, God sent dear friends to encourage me along the way. Time after time my girlfriends text, or messaged me or called and said the very words I needed to hear. I am convinced that they were messengers from God. He was using each of  them to hold my arms up just as Aaron held Moses arms up when he became weary.

My Bible study this week has been about believing God for miracles. The teaching was on the parting of the red sea. And I am believing God for a few 'red sea' miracles in my own life...
Not sure why I am writing this except to say, if you're going through more that you think you can bear,  God will carry you through. He is always sending us hope, and bits of joy if we will keep our eyes open for it. And yes, I believe He is in the miracle business and He has miracles in store for me, and for you. In the mean time, I want to be your Aaron and help hold your arms up. I want to walk by your side until the stormy season passes.

 Much Love to my readers and friends! I am humbled that you take a few minutes to spend with me. I pray somehow God uses my blog for His glory...That's my hearts desire...
Oh, and my blog Title "Testing the strong ones"...Came from Copeland! Missing them lately!

Nothing Like It!

My son is coming home today. He has been gone for two and a half weeks. I am beside myself with excitement. I just got home from a shopping spree at Walmart buying junk food for him. My order included potato stix, cookies, hot pockets, and brownies. All these items are things he loves. As I hurriedly pushed my cart through the store trying to beat the crowd, I found myself smiling. I wanted to look at someone and say "My sons coming home!!! Don't you understand??? MY SON"S COMING HOME!!! He's the best!!!"

As I loaded my order of groceries (AKA junk food) into my car, I was thinking how us moms love our kids. Really, there's nothing like it. Nothing compares to a Mommas love. My kids love me. They adore me. I have no question where I stand in their hearts, and for that, I am truly blessed. But, their love for me is still very different than my love for them. I was saying that very thing to Lindsay the other day. "I know how much you love me, but you will never fully understand my love for you until you are a mom."

The day you become a mom, your world changes. It gets more rich, more colorful. Selfishness falls away, for there is someone else that matters far more than yourself. As we raise our kids, we just love them! We are proud of them. We stand behind them. We sacrifice for them. When they get off track, we still love them and we are still proud of them. When their heart is broken, we feel their pain. When they have success, its the best day of our life! And when its just an ordinary day...nothing special...we still get excited just to see their faces, or even get a text from them. The littlest things make our day, like a hug or a note. There's just nothing like being a mom...

Can we possibly get our mind around the fact that our Father loves us even more than we love our kids? Better still, He loves our kids even more than we do! He is planning their lives, protecting, directing, loving and guiding them. For us moms, its hard to watch sometimes. Sometimes we have to watch them learn trust to Him in the middle of heart break. Sometimes our Father allows them the freedom to go in the wrong direction. (These trials not only grow our kids, but they also grow us.) Yet He is still guiding them as they "find themselves" or question Him. How beautiful is that? How lovely is our Fathers love. How very lovely....

A shout out to my kids! Thank you for being you! You are both the best!!! And a shout to God for giving you to me! His love for you is amazing! I am so grateful!

Daniel and Lindsay

 

 

 

                                 This was the day he got home from Europe! The day of my shopping trip!

I love this picture, even though its a year old. One of my favorites! We were on a hike in the Rocky Mountain National Park. Great Day! Love these two faces! :)

A walk to remember....

It was a hot muggy morning in Florida, like most mornings in Florida are. I was up before the rest of the family, and feeling a little restless. So I headed out the door for a long walk on the beach. As I walked, and began to pray, I remembered back to the night before. I had gone to bed late that evening with the same old guilt. Wrestling with the same old struggle was getting tiresome, and I was begging God to remove it.

As I walked and talked out loud, I am sure my fellow beach walkers thought I had lost my mind.  My prayer that morning, through my sweat and tears, went something like this: "God, I can never get this right! No matter how hard I try, I am always failing! Please just remove it!" The wrestling within me  was so deep, the longing for Him was almost palatable. At the same time I could almost see a finger pointing at me from my accuser and making me feel unworthy, and inadequate. As I prayed, His sweet voice came to me. It was almost audible, and I have never forgotten His words.

"My child, I am not sitting up here measuring and counting your failures! I'm not keeping score against you. I just love the fact that you get up everyday and come after me!"

Grace, Mercy. Unfailing unconditional Love. I felt all of that on the beach that day. I knew in my heart once again, that even though I fail all too often, His love for me never ceases.

I have carried that morning walk with me in my heart for a few years now. And even this morning as I sit here writing, His words ring in my head. I am still a big ole piece of work in progress! And He is still my God who is so proud of me, failures and all... He just longs for my time and wants me to get up everyday and head towards Him...

                                                           Fernandina Beach, Florida

"You don't know Jack"...

It was a spring day, two weeks after several tornadoes had devastated our area. Our neighborhood was in shambles. We had not had a direct hit by a tornado, but there was so much wind damage all around us. Trees down, roofs damaged, trees through roofs, etc. I remember driving home from work that day and I was exhausted. As I rounded the corner and went up the hill toward our neighborhood, low and behold, there he was. My dad. My 77 year old dad. He had his work hat on. If memory serves me right, he had his work gloves, too. And he was mowing our neighbors yard.

Our neighbor was a 30-something year old, able bodied man. He hadn't bothered to mow his yard all year, so the grass was knee high. You see, my dad had seen my neighbor out looking at the damage on his roof the day before. Dad was coming to chop up some downed trees for us (another act of love and service). When he saw our neighbor, he stopped to talk with him about the damage his house had sustained. And while he was at it, he talked with him about Jesus. But dad didn't want to leave it at that. He loaded his mower up, and came down the next day to mow our neighbors yard. He later told me that he let the man know he was doing it in Jesus name. The man barely uttered a thank you and closed the door on dad. That didn't detour this honorable man of God. He went ahead with his mowing, sweat dripping from his brow, doing his work "in Jesus name".

I have watched Dad do things like this for others my entire life. He goes about quietly serving. Humbly talking to other people, getting to know them, praying for them, and when possible, telling them about Jesus. He has won more people to Christ through his humble spirit and by loving them than anyone I know.

Why am I telling you this? Dad would not want me to talk about the things he does for others. He would be embarrassed to get any attention for his service or his kindness.

But I am writing and telling this story for a couple of reasons.

I am seeing a movement, as of late, that is bashing organized religion. I have written in the past about my views on this subject. You are absolutely right about organized religion! It has failed miserably in so many ways. Churches are full of "religious" people who are hypocrites, fakes, snobs, and cliques. They are full of adulterers, liars, cheaters, and people that are so judgmental, usually because they are covering their own sins.

But churches are also full of godly men and women. People like my dad. For every hypocrite, there is someone who will selflessly mow someone yard, or cook a meal for someone in need, or feed homeless people. There are people who work with children, or mentor teens, or visit the elderly. The list goes on and on of good I see. There are many people within the church walls, who love Jesus with all their hearts and get up every day to serve Him and serve others in whatever way He calls them to do. These are men and women of God. Yes, God is real. Yes, He is alive. Yes, many people serve Him. If you don't believe me, let me introduce you to Jack Price...my dad...

This is my Mom and Dad, with Paul, and Lindsay and Daniel. I am so thankful for the heritage they given us. Mom has served God most of her life, too, just like dad, only behind the scenes a little more..

Much love everyone, and thanks for reading...
 

Isaiah 30:18-21

 ¹⁸ Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him.
 ¹⁹ O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.
 ²⁰ Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher.
 ²¹ Your ears will hear a word behind you, “^]This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left.

Fear Not...

I have never been a person with a lot of fears or phobias. When I was young, I remember being a fearful child. But as I grew older, and worked through my "stuff", I became less and less fearful. Once I reached my 40's, I really didn't consider myself to be a fearful person.

Then, I turned 50. And all of a sudden I developed all kinds of fears! Fear of severe storms, fear of heights, fear of driving on the interstate, and a fear of dentists! haha I am sure if I thought more about it I could list more fears; but frankly, its getting embarrassing!!

I have watched my beautiful 23 year old daughter battle with an ongoing fear of heights. There are two places that we visit frequently that cause her to tremble as soon as she sees them. One is an overlook at Fort Mountain State Park in Georgia. We hike the trail that leads to the overlook a couple of times a year. Without fail, when we start climbing down the rocky path that leads to the deck, she begins to tell me that she IS NOT going out on the deck. "I'll walk down there, but I'm not going to the edge" she says. And, without fail, I say to her, "The only way to get through a fear like you have is to push yourself through it! If you'll walk out there, eventually you won't be scared! The view is worth it!" The last couple of trips she has actually taken about 3 steps out onto the overlook. This was a monumental time in her life!

The other place that she is terrified of is the glass bridge in downtown Chattanooga. We have made that walk time and time again. The more we walked it, the more fearful she was. But, something very interesting happened last September...

Lindsay was meeting a young man that she was quite smitten with to go downtown for a late night walk. Before she left to meet him she said to me, "I hope he doesn't expect me to walk across that bridge." To which I gave her the same old reply. "You can't get through fear unless you push yourself.....blah blah blah". When she came home that night, she told me about the wonderful walk she'd had. And then she added, "Annddd, I crossed the glass bridge! I told him I was afraid, but he just said to me 'come on! you're doing this!', and I DID IT!" After that night, they crossed that bridge several times together. It was amazing to see the courage she gained as he held her hand and they crossed together!

 So, today I am having to eat my words, and follow my own advice! Tonight I sit here knowing that within the next 3 days, I am going to be faced head on with several of my fears. Severe storms are predicted for tomorrow. My son will be driving to Texas in two days. That's his first long trip away from us, and he'll be doing most of the driving, which puts me face to face with my fear of interstates. And I HAVE to make a dreaded appointment with a dentist. I am pretty sure dental surgery will be the outcome. My heart is racing just typing that one...

 But, I am taking some notes from my own advice and my daughters experience. You see, just as she held on to her boyfriend's hand and began to conquer her fear, I am going to hold on to my Father's hand and face mine. The fear is starting to be worse than any pain that my future could possibly hold! Really, isn't that the way all of our fears are? We are afraid and yet our wonderful Father is always there! Our fears do not change the outcome of life. Just like Lindsay hiking down that path to the overlook, her fear robbed her of enjoying the hike! And my fears will rob me of enjoying my journey with God!

So here goes... "In order to get past my fear, I have to push through it" and today I will add to my advice, "and hold tightly to my wonderful Father's hand!" I know His heart! I can trust Him!

Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your hand, and says to you do not fear; I will help you.
Perfect!
Much love!

Here is the overlook at Fort Mountain State Park! It really does hang off the side of the mountain! But the view is amazing!

And here is the glass bridge in our beautiful city, Chattanooga! It crosses from the Walnut Street Bridge into the art district. What a beautiful city we live in!

Dear Church

Dear Church,
As of late, my heart has become very troubled for you (us). As I write this, please don't think I am excluding myself. I am just taking a realistic look at what we've become.

Over time, we have bought into many lies and deceptions that the world has to offer. We have ceased to live our lives in a manner that reflects Christ. And yet we go to church Sunday after Sunday, put on our religious faces, and try to fool everyone around us. We lift our hands, nod our heads, and give each other hugs. Then we go home to our lives of secret sin, and believe that if we hide it, no one knows. And if no one knows, it doesn't exist.

We teach honesty, and yet we lie and deceive.

We preach love and yet turn our backs on those who look differently than we do or live differently than we do. We rush to the food bank or community kitchen to volunteer at Christmas. (and there is nothing wrong with this!) But we pass right by the needy ones, or those of a different race, or a different 'class' when we are out and about going through our daily routine.

We preach against sexual sin and adultery and yet we watch porn, secretly chat with and text people other than our spouses, send Facebook messages to those we shouldn't be corresponding with, and continuously use technology to cheat. After all, if no one knows, then how can it hurt anyone?

We wound each other deeply with our words or actions and yet we never say we're sorry. We never make things right. We never acknowledge the pain we've caused.

We huddle together so closely, only hanging out with fellow Christians, while those who used to be "one of us" walk away. We seem to never notice they are gone. We are far too busy to call or text them and tell them we love and miss them.

We teach and sing about the joy found in Christ, and yet we turn our backs on those that are depressed using insensitive sayings like "just believe God" or "just pray about it" or "I'll be praying for you". Then we avoid them like the plague. After all, they are far too draining to waste our time and emotions on, right?

We preach being kind, and yet we disrespect, betray, and back stab.

We preach integrity, and yet we steal and cheat. It's just the government. They owe us more anyway...or it's just my employer. They don't pay me enough anyway. Etc... 

What brought all this on? The truth is, I have so many people in my life that I love who have walked away from the church. I talk with them every chance I get. They are so wounded that they confuse the pain caused by believers with the existence of God, They don't see Christ in those who confess Him loudly. Rather they see hypocrites, liars, deceivers, and adulterers. "If Christians reflect Christ, then He's not a God I want any part of" they will say.

Time and time again they tell me it's because of the hypocrisy in the church that they have walked away from their faith. I hear over and over how they are burnt out on a belief that teaches love yet rejects those that are struggling with sin or pain. The drug addict, or homosexual, or adulterer, or liar would not dare come to us for help or for love. We are far too judgmental and hyper spiritual. And yet, we are the same. We are struggling with these same sins in secret. Its easier to point a finger than it is to love. Its easier to turn our backs than face the sinner.

Take someone who has walked away from God to coffee or invite them to dinner. And let them talk. Just listen! Don't quote Scriptures or preach. They already know how we believe. You'll be amazed at what God can do through us if we learn to open our hearts!

This is not what I had in mind writing when I sat down. As I write, I am examining myself, and it stings really bad. As Jon Foreman says, "A mirror is much harder to hold".
Much Love!

 Here's that tune from Jon Foreman! Give it a listen! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlv9th0Fo10