Gordon the wonder dog!

We have this dog that we adopted at an animal shelter. I was looking at him today, and can I just be perfectly honest? He is ugly. Really ugly! One of those dogs that you would say "Gordon, bless his heart, he's not too pretty. He's sweet, though!" He has these little stick legs, a huge fat body, and I don't think his head has grown since he was a puppy! haha When we adopted him, the lady said "He's a dachshund mix. He won't get over 30lbs". Sixty pounds later, our dachshund mix is probably a rottweiler mix. haha And he smells bad MOST of the time... Gordon is a mess!
Gordon makes the weirdest expressions you've ever seen on a dog. Whatever expression he is making never fits the situation. When we come home, he bares his teeth and sometimes growls. That's his look of joy. When he is sad or upset, he wags his tail, and his eyes get really bright, as if he's happy. When he is playing, he can get a puzzled look on his face.
Yet we love him dearly! He is a vital part of our family. He is such a faithful companion, never missing a chance to guard me as I take the trash out, or walk me to the mail box. He loves to walk Lindsay to her car when she is leaving, making sure she's safe and all. He loves "porch time" when we sit outside on the porch at night and listen to the owls or watch the stars. He doesn't miss a chance to chase away a scary bunny from our lawn. (what would we do without bunny protection?) And when Daniel comes home...boy oh boy! It's like Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, Gordon loves it. He love to help get out the decorations. Then on Christmas day, he helps us unwrap our gifts, never minding if its for him, only wanting to help out.
As of late, he is graying. His face is looking older. He doesn't get around as well as he used to. He hobbles, and limps. He doesn't hear as well as he used to. Gordon will be 10 years old in August. Sadly, he is growing old. However, he fights it with all his might. He still runs to greet us, brings us his toys to play with, and makes us laugh every chance he gets.
I think I am much like Gordon (skinny legs and all)! I am generally a mess. Not reacting the way I always should when I've done something wrong. Laughing at inappropriate times. Or making a joke, when I should be more sensitive. Thankfully, God can use us even when we are a mess.
I am kind of leery of anyone who acts like they have it all together. You know the type...The 'perfectly manicured poodle' type. If I am faced with the same situation as they are, their reaction would be: "Praise God for this blessing and these blessed people and what He is doing in and through us as we diligently serve Him and bless His name". On the other hand, there's me, the mutt, standing there looking much like Gordon...bewildered and freaked out...and my reaction would be: "Seriously God??? You are going to make me deal with this...again...didn't I already pass this test??? Ok, Lord, ok...I'll do it... You must have a great sense of humor though, and be laughing your head off at me even as we speak..."
Yep, God could not have given us a better dog...he's perfect for our family, a mutt, just like me! :)

 Our friend, Jonathan Cutrell, takes some beautiful pictures. He made Gordon look much better in this picture than he does in in real life. Thanks, Jonathan! :)

You won't relent until You have it all....

The past three years have been mind boggling. This adventure called life has been full of ups and downs, really high highs, and really low lows. I have walked in places I never dreamed I'd walk in. I have felt so ill equipped to handle much of it.

Nothing in life prepares you to find out someone you have known very well is a child molester, and has been molesting someone that you love for 12 years. And then watch him get away with it. And nothing prepares you to hear a man's last words and helplessly watch him commit suicide, then watch his lifeless body float down the Tennessee River, only to be pulled under by the current and not found for weeks. Nothing prepares you for your best friend to become suicidal and call you daily to tell you, not only that she is going to kill herself, but how she is going to do it. (she did make it through that horrible time, and is doing well now.) That's only some of what I've walked through. Other things are far too personal to put on a blog, yet just as painful.

Thank God, there have been amazing, wonderful times too! Daniel choose to go to Lee University and got a full scholarship, Lindsay is being used in incredible ways to lead worship, I've made new friends, went on wonderful trips to the beach or the Smokies, saw prayers answered that were by far more than I could ask or think, and so much more! Life, as of late, has reminded me of that old Steven Curtis Chapman song "Saddle up your horses, we've got a trail to blaze....this is the great adventure"....

By far, though, there have been two things that  have been most difficult to deal with. That would be, Daniel leaving the nest and moving away, and Mom's dementia. You see, the day Daniel moved, I knew, without a doubt, that he was gone for good. Oh, we still talk. And he still comes by for a visit. But I knew he was ready to be a man. That's what I'd raised him for, right? I am so proud of him! Daniel and I have this special bond. We understand each other on a different level than most people understand me. We fight, probably too often, but our hearts are joined together in a very strong bond that will never be broken. However, I knew when he left that day, that we'd remain close, but he would no longer be my little boy. I knew he was leaving to forge his own life, and while I would be included somewhat, I would no longer be the main woman in his life. I miss my little boy, til this day. There is a hole in my heart the size of Texas where he used to fit. It's the progression of life, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

And then there's Mom. We, too, are so very close. She has always been my rock. In many ways, she is still herself. We still laugh together, and chit chat on the phone. I am grateful to God that I still have her, and she still resembles the woman she's always been. But there are days when I want to talk to her. Really talk to her. Days when I need her advice. Days when I need her wisdom. But her memory won't allow her to carry on a deep conversation, or a conversation that goes beyond the weather, or what's on TV that night. It used to be, when times were hard, Mom was always checking in on me, and praying for me. That part of her is gone now. I am having to come to terms with that. I am having to grieve the loss of who she used to be. And now I'm learning to embrace who she is now. And I do embrace it! I love her so much, and admire her strength to walk through this time in her life. She keeps on fighting, keeps on trying, and keeps on going as much as she can. And she keeps on trusting God. What an amazing woman.

Why am I telling you all this? I must admit, some of it is therapeutic for me. There is something healing in writing about where you've been. But the main reason is, to tell you that whatever you are going through, where ever you are, whatever life is throwing at you, God will make a way! He will carry you, He will be there when life is so dark that you are crawling inch by inch with no light at the end of the tunnel. He will bring you through. Trust Him with all your heart, even when things (like watching a man commit suicide) make no sense at all. He is even greater than what you think He is. And He can be trusted, even when things are so hard.

Look around you! No matter what darkness you are walking through, there is probably something wonderful happening, too. Be thankful for the good and the bad. For it is all being used to carve you into the person He wants you to be. Hang on, friends! Sunday is coming! He will bring you through!
And no matter what, always bring Him praise! For, no matter your circumstances, He is worthy of praise!


Nahum 1:7
“God is good, a hiding place in tough times.
He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help,
No matter how desperate the trouble.” (The Message)
Isaiah 41:10
“So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (NIV)

"You won't relent " Misty Edwards

You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

Grace, Shepherds, love, and other ramblings....

This blog entry has been the death of me! Its been edited, reread, reedited, proof read by Lindsay, then reedited! I want to be completely transparent and totally honest. That's how I live my life. When I struggle, I want to share it. When God shows up in a mighty way, I want to allow Him to be glorified! But I have to be so careful not to hurt anyone in my life, or say too much about very private matters... but here goes....more ramblings....

Can I tell you? God's grace is sufficient to cover whatever you do. Its a beautiful thing. Hard to comprehend, really. I am living proof of His Grace. It covers my sins on a daily basis. I, above all, am the worst of sinners. Someday, over coffee, I'll tell you my testimony. Its such a beautiful picture of God and His grace.My life is an example of just what He can do to turn a sinner around and make something beautiful.

But His grace does not give us permission to live any way we please. I have been studying the book of Ephesians lately. It blows me away! God is calling us all to such a higher calling!

Our culture dictates differently. When we attempt to live a godly life, we are often shunned, even by fellow Christians. But God DOES call us to live a godly life, to try and attain righteousness and holiness.1 Peter 1:13-16 says God is calling us to holiness! HOLINESS!!! We are incapable of living it all out. We are human. We were born with a sin nature. That's where His grace comes in.

^{1 Peter 1:13} Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. ¹⁴ As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. ¹⁵ But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; ¹⁶ for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy"
I fail Him daily. I struggle daily with attitude problems, my tongue being out of control, pride, not believing God enough, and on and on...any else have struggles? But, His grace is enough! Praise Jesus! It covers my sins even though they break my heart and frustrate me to no end!

Walk wisely. And please don't use grace as permission to live your life anyway you please. Live deliberately. And be aware that others are watching you all the time.

My dad is a perfect example of this. He has won more people to Christ than anyone I know. Literally! How does he do it? He talks to them, loves them, doesn't judge them. He just relates to them where they are, forms a bond with them, then tells them about Jesus. People love him! But I have never seen him compromise his life in anyway in order to reach lost people. He lives out the life God has called us all to. I don't believe I will ever know how many people he has impacted until we get to heaven. What a beautiful testimony!

Your pastor is called to be a Shepherd. He should be able to love you and walk with you through all of life's battles, hurts, and problems. If he doesn't have a dose of the gift of mercy, then when times get hard, he won't be able to relate to you. I can not tell you how important it is to have a pastor that loves you, and like a shepherd, would walk with you through any valley, would hunt you down and love you back to life when you go astray, or would miss you like their own children when you leave the congregation.

My dear friends, this blog doesn't come from my own opinions, but from many years of walking with God and studying His Word. It not something I learned from a pastor, but straight from God's heart. Please, get in the Word. Learn what you believe. And follow God. Just make sure what you believe includes love, and reaching out to those that are hurting.

And finally,(and this has nothing to do with anything else I've talked about. Just thought I'd throw it in there haha) if God gives you a chance at love with someone that has everything you've prayed for, someone who loves God with all their heart soul and mind, someone who loves others, and someone who likes you, then don't let it go, not in the name of fear, or your past, or timing. Sometimes God's timing is different than ours. And sometimes, He is wanting you to trust Him and not live in fear. Maybe, just maybe, this time it will work. Maybe it will be the most beautiful love, exactly what you've prayed for. Maybe this is the person He created for you. Always take the chance. Always chose love.

One last thing. Never ever let someone that you love walk away without saying "I love you and you have meant the world to me." These are words I have regretted not saying to people I have loved. Don't live with the same regrets...

I love you all!

Discernment... and a healthy dose of wisdom

I have the spiritual gift of discernment. There! I said it! I am feeling a little uncomfortable, but I finally said it! For whatever reason, in the Southern Baptist denomination (which I grew up in, and still attend), discernment is one of those gifts that we never talk about...kind of like tongues, and prophecy. They are never discussed. Admittedly, this gift can be a little peculiar, even scary at times. When I am walking closest to God, He speaks truths to my heart, or reveals things to me, that I know can only come from Him. I certainly couldn't come up with this stuff on my own!

If we were sitting at lunch together, I could tell you some stories...(boy! could I ever tell you some stories) of times God has manifested this gift in me. There have been times I have sensed Satanic spirits, lies, false teachings, and so much more. Those of you who have this gift, are totally nodding in agreement with me right now. We are kindred spirits. We understand each other on a very deep level, because we have walked through the same experiences.

Thankfully, God has given me doses of a couple of other spiritual gifts, like giving and faith. The gift of faith goes hand in hand with my gift of discernment. I can not possibly tell you how many times God has given me insight into something someone is going through, and called me to pray. These may be close friends, or people I barely know. Sometimes I pray for the people He lays on my heart for month's, until He lifts the burden.

Can I just say? That's my favorite way He manifests this gift. I love it when He does this. He will give me specific Scriptures to pray for them, or lay a specific need on my heart that they may have. Sometimes, I see the fruits of this, and sometimes I don't. The results are up to God.

But when He calls me to use my gift, it burns inside of me. I literally CAN NOT stop myself from speaking up about what He has shown me, or stop myself from praying for the people He puts in my heart. Lindsay and I were laughing about this last night. She knows me so well, and she can see it on my face when God has given me a revelation. Most of the time, she is understanding, or she at least acts like she is. But then there are times when she looks at me, with a bit of panic in her eyes, and says to me "Mom, NO! Please don't say anything. Please pray about it before you speak! Mom, PLEASE!" We laughed together last night and talked about how, if I always said what God revealed to me, people would think I was pretty loony! haha So, yes, I must shut it up a lot times. :)

And she is right. This unusual gift must be used with a healthy dose of wisdom. I have to be reminded of that from time to time, or I can really make a mess of things. Just because God has revealed something to me, doesn't mean I have to speak up and confront it. Sometimes He wants me to speak up. But often He's calling me to pray and allow Him to take care of the rest....

A healthy dose of wisdom...that's what is required of me. And a good sense of humor, because at times this gift can break my heart, especially when I watch people I've prayed for for a long time reject the path that God is calling them to. Some decisions that seem small, or simple at the time, can literally change the course of your life and pull you away from all He has for you. Satan is so subtle, and good Christian people, all to often, don't see his schemes.
That's where my gift comes in...Thank you Jesus, for this wonderful gift! When You allow me to use it, I am at my best! This body of Christ works so beautifully when all gifts are used as You plan. Love You so much!

Discernment / Distinguishing of Spirits - The special ability God gives to some to know with assurance whether certain behavior or teaching is from God, Satan, human error, or human power. The divine enablement to distinguish between truth and error, to discern the spirits, differentiating between good and evil, right and wrong. 

People with this gift:
- distinguish truth from error, right from wrong, pure motives from impure
- identify deception in others with accuracy and appropriateness
- determine whether a word attributed to God is authentic
- recognize inconsistencies in a teaching, prophetic message, or interpretation
- are able to sense the presence of evil.

"For I am about to do something new..."

My first ever blog! I can't believe I am doing this. The journey I have been on since I have been a Christian (25 years) has been incredible. But, the last three years have been unbelievable. It's been a roller coaster. There have been highest of highs and the lowest of lows, victories, defeats, questions about God, and questions about life. I have walked through circumstances that I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I'd go through. I have witnessed first hand (whether in my life, or the lives of those closest to me) the effects of suicide, sexual molestation, verbal and emotional abuse, depression, adultery, addiction, badly broken hearts, betrayal, neglect, dementia, an empty nest, and so much more. While all this sounds so horrendous (and it has been), life has also been laced with so much joy, laughter, fun times, love, healing, wonderful friendships, and victories! So don't feel bad for me! Its been a beautiful journey! :)

I have also witnessed and experienced Gods love, grace and mercy, heard His voice, and felt His presence in incredible ways. Sometimes, when I have felt I needed Him most, He has been silent. And sometimes, when I was least expecting it, He has shown up and done the most amazing things. He is a mystery to me, and yet the Love of my life. And no matter what, I have found Him faithful. I have found Him to be more than I could ever imagine.

So, I have decided to start this blog and document the journey. If anyone can gain anything from my walk, then I will be thrilled. I certainly don't have all the answers. In fact, I am still in the process of figuring a lot of things out. Most days I feel like I am feeling my way around in the dark. Its funny how the older you get, the less you seem to know about anything! As I was thinking about how to write, God reminded me to be respectful :) and mindful of the privacy of those who walk through life closest to me. So at times, I will have to leave some of my journey out. And at times I will change the names, alter the events, or change the places in order to protect the privacy of others.

So here I go.... like a long drive in the mountains, or a walk in the park, lets go on this journey together, and talk...