I am extremely blessed to have so many girlfriends in my life! Some are a little older than me, and some are younger. They all have brought a different 'flavor', if you will, to my life. Each one adds something unique and special to me. I could write a blog about each and every one of them. Maybe someday I will do that. I am afraid I would hurt someone's feeling, though, if I left anyone out. So, I'm not going to name the names of each of them. I really wish I could though. My heart is so full of love for them all.
Today, I have one special lady on my mind. Her name is Kathelene. She will never read this blog. I don't think she even owns a computer. But Kathelene has taught me so much about life, and it's real meaning. She has taught me not to stress over life, and to be grateful for each and every thing God gives me, whether big or small.
The last day I worked last year (before I got my blood clot), I stood in the parking lot with Kathelene. She is such a gracious, kind woman. As we stood and talked, she first told me to take better care of myself (I had just had a minor surgery). She said, "Kim, you have GOT to rest and stay off your feet. You could become worse, instead of getting better." Her words of wisdom were correct. The next day, I did begin to get pain in my leg. That was on a Thursday. By Sunday, I was in the ER with a blood clot.
As my mind drifts back to that day, standing in the parking lot and talking with her, I remember her eyes filled with tears (as did mine). I had asked her about her sister. Her sister had a critical illness and they did not know how much longer she would live.
As Kathelene talked, her voice began to quiver. You see, she and her sister were very close. They were inseparable as children. They remained close until the end. My dear friend began to tell me about her sister's health. She said, "It won't be much longer. But still, I am grateful to God that she made it another year. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, 'Look how beautiful the sun is shining. And I get to go to work, and see my wonderful children. I am so grateful to God for another day to be alive and to serve Him.'
That was always her attitude. Kathelene finds something to be grateful for every single day. She can be living in the worst circumstances, like she was on that day. The sorrow and pain was evident on her face. She was losing her beloved sister. She knew any minute she would get the call that her sister had passed. But in the midst of her hurt and pain, she was grateful.
I have learned through Kathelene's example, to find gratitude in the little things in life every day. I have learned to watch for God's 'little' miracles every single day of my life. (That is, if any miracle is ever little). I am keeping a journal. The tone and direction of my journal has changed completely. It has changed from my problems, irritations, and complaining to God, to a journal of gratitude.
I have asked God to not let me miss any miracle He sends my way. Whether it is a big miracle, such as healing or providing much needed money, or a small miracle, such as holding a baby while he sleeps, I don't want to miss it! And, guess what? It is as if blinders have been taken off my eyes. I see miracles every single day. God even throws in some very unexpected miracles, just for me. I can't begin to list them all. But I will say this. I am blown away from all God gives me! He makes beautiful things, and then allows me to see them. This is such a humbling experience to me. The Creator of the Universe allows ME to see His miracles!
I go to bed every night and attempt to jot down all He has shown me, and allowed me to see that day. On most days, I write an entire page of miracles! As I lie in bed that night, I thank my Father for each and every thing He has shown me.
I would encourage all of you to do the same. Begin viewing life through God's eyes. Begin asking Him to allow you to see every single miracle He throws your way. Ask Him to take the blinders off your eyes. You might see a gorgeous bird flying by, hear the laughter of a child, receive a hug from a friend, or witness someone being healed. I believe God tailor fits our miracles just for us. He knows us intimately, and He gives us the things that make us happy.
As we begin to view life with our blinders off, we find that the big things in life (the hardest, most difficult things) still exist. But they are more manageable. And we find that, on a mundane day, where nothing is happening, it's rainy outside and life seems to have us down, there are still many things to be grateful for. Just try it. With a sincere heart, learn to be grateful. It takes practice. It takes changing the way we think. But it is so worth the effort! What seems to be unbearable, suddenly becomes bearable.
No, the pain is not gone. There are still tears, hurts, and problems all around. But sincere gratitude will change your prospective on many things.
I still cry often. Many times I go to bed in tears. Sometimes my tears are from hurts, but many times they are tears of joy! Over all, I am grateful. Even the hurt and pain, the worries about how I will make it financially, or physically, emotionally still exists. But my gratitude toward God brings balance to my life. It keeps me from dwelling on my hurts and worries.
I don't know this for sure. But I imagine on the day Kathelene lost her sister, she was grateful for all the years God gave them together. She is just that kind of woman. And I want to be like her. I want to be grateful every day of my life.
I love you all! To each and every girlfriend I have sat down with and talked to, or gone to lunch with, emailed, text messaged or hugged, I am grateful for you. I call you all by name before my Father often. You fill my life with love, encouragement, laughter, and joy. What more could a girl ask for? Maybe someday I'll write about you!
Much Love to all my readers. Merry Christmas. Enjoy your families, your homes, and your true loves, and most of all, enjoy your Father, for He alone is worthy!
Much Love, and Merry Christmas!
Kim
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
At Your Name
It was a chilly September day, and I was winding through the Great Smoky Mountains, just me and my little Honda. It was a rainy after noon, and I decided to go the long way back to my cabin. I took the turn on a one way dirt road, knowing once I made the turn, there was no going back. My sweet daughter had given me a CD, Phil Wickham Live 2, and I was taking it on my adventure. It was my first trip alone. Yes, that's right! I was completely alone, and my introvert personality was loving every second of it. (Those of you who are extroverts, are cringing right now, but my introvert friends are a little envious. haha)
Blasting the CD through my stereo, I began to sing along. "Lord of all the earth, we shout Your name, shout Your name. Filling up the skies with endless praise, endless praise. Yahweh! Yahweh! we love to shout Your name, Oh Lord! There's no one like our God! We will praise You! Praise You!..." At first I felt a little awkward, then, realizing there was no one there but me and Him, I began to shout His name, "YAHWEH! YAHWEH!" One hand on the wheel, and one hand raised high, I almost opened my sun roof so I could raise it higher. Then I remembered the pouring rain, and that I was dodging pot holes on the narrow dirt road. I quickly realized that 2 hands on the wheel, and the sun roof closed, would be best for the time being.
I laugh even now as I remember that moment. I knew right then that the road ahead of me was going to be beautiful. His presence was so real to me. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. A whole new excitement for my future was rising inside my heart. I felt unexplainable peace, and joy.
How wonderful is it to think of our God as YAHWEH, the great I AM! John Piper describes the name like this:
"1. He never had a beginning. Every child asks, “Who made God?” And every wise parent says, “Nobody made God. God simply is. And always was. No beginning.”
2. God will never end. If he did not come into being he cannot go out of being, because he is being.
3. God is absolute reality. There is no reality before him. There is no reality outside of him unless he wills it and makes it. He is all that was eternally. No space, no universe, no emptiness. Only God.
4. God is utterly independent. He depends on nothing to bring him into being or support him or counsel him or make him what he is.
5. Everything that is not God depends totally on God. The entire universe is utterly secondary. It came into being by God and stays in being moment by moment on God's decision to keep it in being.
6. All the universe is by comparison to God as nothing. Contingent, dependent reality is to absolute, independent reality as a shadow to substance. As an echo to a thunderclap. All that we are amazed by in the world and in the galaxies, is, compared to God, as nothing.
7. God is constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He cannot be improved. He is not becoming anything. He is who he is.
8. God is the absolute standard of truth and goodness and beauty. There is no law-book to which he looks to know what is right. No almanac to establish facts. No guild to determine what is excellent or beautiful. He himself is the standard of what is right, what is true, what is beautiful.
9. God does whatever he pleases and it is always right and always beautiful and always in accord with truth. All reality that is outside of him he created and designed and governs as the absolute reality. So he is utterly free from any constraints that don't originate from the counsel of his own will.
10. God is the most important and most valuable reality and person in the universe. He is more worthy of interest and attention and admiration and enjoyment than all other realities, including the entire universe." 10 things "Yahweh" Means" by John Piper
It's so hard to get my mind around all that Yahweh is. I do know this, however, I am wildly in love with Him. Yesterday, Lindsay and I were going on our traditional trip to the apple orchard for cider. I told her, as we were driving, "Lindsay, I am so grateful for this time in my life that God has given me. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with God. If not for this season I've been through, I wouldn't have the time or energy to invest in falling in love with Him all over again." Right then I made up my mind. I would not be defined by my past illness, and surgeries, for I am completely healed now, and it's all in the past. I would not be defined by divorce, but divorce would just be a season in my life, a distant memory, and I have moved forward.
I will leave this earth someday defined by my love for Yahweh, My God. He would from now until the end of my time on earth, define who I am, and where I go with my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know this. According to my God, I am lavished with His love, forgiven, I have hope, I can do all things through Him, nothing can separate me from His love, I am righteous, wise, and beautiful. What more could a woman want? He will define me. Anything else He chooses to give me beyond that will be icing on the cake.
The next time you are in the car alone, try shouting His name, and see how He transforms your life, too. "Lord of all the earth
We shout Your name, shout Your name
Filling up the skies
With endless praise, endless praise
Yahweh, Yahweh
We love to shout Your name, oh Lord"
Here's the link if you want to hear the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA1GXubd4JE
Much love, precious friends!
Blasting the CD through my stereo, I began to sing along. "Lord of all the earth, we shout Your name, shout Your name. Filling up the skies with endless praise, endless praise. Yahweh! Yahweh! we love to shout Your name, Oh Lord! There's no one like our God! We will praise You! Praise You!..." At first I felt a little awkward, then, realizing there was no one there but me and Him, I began to shout His name, "YAHWEH! YAHWEH!" One hand on the wheel, and one hand raised high, I almost opened my sun roof so I could raise it higher. Then I remembered the pouring rain, and that I was dodging pot holes on the narrow dirt road. I quickly realized that 2 hands on the wheel, and the sun roof closed, would be best for the time being.
I laugh even now as I remember that moment. I knew right then that the road ahead of me was going to be beautiful. His presence was so real to me. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. A whole new excitement for my future was rising inside my heart. I felt unexplainable peace, and joy.
How wonderful is it to think of our God as YAHWEH, the great I AM! John Piper describes the name like this:
"1. He never had a beginning. Every child asks, “Who made God?” And every wise parent says, “Nobody made God. God simply is. And always was. No beginning.”
2. God will never end. If he did not come into being he cannot go out of being, because he is being.
3. God is absolute reality. There is no reality before him. There is no reality outside of him unless he wills it and makes it. He is all that was eternally. No space, no universe, no emptiness. Only God.
4. God is utterly independent. He depends on nothing to bring him into being or support him or counsel him or make him what he is.
5. Everything that is not God depends totally on God. The entire universe is utterly secondary. It came into being by God and stays in being moment by moment on God's decision to keep it in being.
6. All the universe is by comparison to God as nothing. Contingent, dependent reality is to absolute, independent reality as a shadow to substance. As an echo to a thunderclap. All that we are amazed by in the world and in the galaxies, is, compared to God, as nothing.
7. God is constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He cannot be improved. He is not becoming anything. He is who he is.
8. God is the absolute standard of truth and goodness and beauty. There is no law-book to which he looks to know what is right. No almanac to establish facts. No guild to determine what is excellent or beautiful. He himself is the standard of what is right, what is true, what is beautiful.
9. God does whatever he pleases and it is always right and always beautiful and always in accord with truth. All reality that is outside of him he created and designed and governs as the absolute reality. So he is utterly free from any constraints that don't originate from the counsel of his own will.
10. God is the most important and most valuable reality and person in the universe. He is more worthy of interest and attention and admiration and enjoyment than all other realities, including the entire universe." 10 things "Yahweh" Means" by John Piper
It's so hard to get my mind around all that Yahweh is. I do know this, however, I am wildly in love with Him. Yesterday, Lindsay and I were going on our traditional trip to the apple orchard for cider. I told her, as we were driving, "Lindsay, I am so grateful for this time in my life that God has given me. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with God. If not for this season I've been through, I wouldn't have the time or energy to invest in falling in love with Him all over again." Right then I made up my mind. I would not be defined by my past illness, and surgeries, for I am completely healed now, and it's all in the past. I would not be defined by divorce, but divorce would just be a season in my life, a distant memory, and I have moved forward.
I will leave this earth someday defined by my love for Yahweh, My God. He would from now until the end of my time on earth, define who I am, and where I go with my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know this. According to my God, I am lavished with His love, forgiven, I have hope, I can do all things through Him, nothing can separate me from His love, I am righteous, wise, and beautiful. What more could a woman want? He will define me. Anything else He chooses to give me beyond that will be icing on the cake.
The next time you are in the car alone, try shouting His name, and see how He transforms your life, too. "Lord of all the earth
We shout Your name, shout Your name
Filling up the skies
With endless praise, endless praise
Yahweh, Yahweh
We love to shout Your name, oh Lord"
Here's the link if you want to hear the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA1GXubd4JE
Much love, precious friends!
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Rocking Chair
It was a lovely autumn day in Tennessee. The sky was as blue as it could be. There was a slight chill in the air. I was excited. I was heading to my Friend's house for some coffee and to sit and talk on His front porch.
As I turned to make the drive down the long driveway, I slowed to a crawl, relishing in every moment of the beauty around me. The driveway wound around until, at last, the house was in view. It was a house with beauty beyond words. Sitting in the clearing, surrounded by woods, the wrap around porch on His home looked so warm and inviting. Rocking chairs and a porch swing welcomed anyone who would come, any who was willing to make the long drive.
As I climbed out of my car, my Friend welcomed me with open arms. His laughter filled the air, as He said to me "Kim! My friend, thank you for making the long drive. You have been constantly on my mind. Come. Sit down. Let's talk." I quickly grabbed my favorite rocking chair. I had spent many hours in that rocking chair talking with my Friend over the years.
He disappeared into the house, and quickly returned with my favorite iced tea. He was always so quick to serve me with the greatest hospitality.
"I didn't bake cookies this time. I know you're watching what you eat. Though, to me, you always look beautiful." I laughed and said to him, "After all these years, You know me too well."
We sat in silence for a few minutes enjoying the view, and sipping our tea. He quietly broke the silence with His soft words. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately. I've had you constantly on my heart for a long time." I began to spill out the events of the past few months.
As I spoke, He he responded by refocusing my attention. "And, what have you learned from all this?" he asked, in a typical Teacher like manner.
I sat quietly for a while in deep thought. Then I began to list to Him all I'd learned. I laughed and said, "You know me, I've had to relearn many of the old lessons I have been learning for years. Forgiveness, self control, and to shut my mouth are among some of the many lessons I have had to review." We both laughed because we both knew these are lessons I have worked on for years.
Then I dropped my head, and my eyes filled with tears. "There's one lesson that has been the hardest for me. It's been a battle that I fought when I was young, and never won. So now, at the ripe old age of 54, I am learning to win this battle." He looked at me and said, "Look in my face child, and tell me about this lesson." As I looked full into his face, I felt a new confidence, accompanied by such peace.
"Well, you see, for my entire life I have always feared what people thought of me. I have always wondered if I was good enough, if people were whispering behind my back, or if I was the one people joked about when my back was turned." My Friend looked full into my eyes. His eyes were so kind and full of compassion. "Yes, Kim, I know this has been a struggle for you. Don't feel bad. Many people have the same struggle. You are not alone in this one."
I began to speak again, my voice sounding a little stronger. "I have learned that I cannot stop what people say or think about me. I have learned that I can't put out every fire, every time someone turns away from me, and believes things that are not true. Oh, I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have made phone calls, and sent emails in a lame attempt to defend my reputation. But along the way, I have learned from You that reputation doesn't matter. I have learned that I have no control over what people say, or think, whether it is good or bad. I have learned to lay down my pride, and walk humbly, just as you do. You have taught me so much. You have shown me through your own life, that worrying about whether or not people believe lies, or are thinking badly of me is pride. Pride is sin. I have watched you walk in truth and love, with no worries about what others think. You have only cared about what our Heavenly Father thinks. From your example, I am learning to replace those worries and fears with thoughts of our Father, and what He thinks of me. It takes practice! But I am learning that what He thinks is what really matters. And you know me, I can be a slow learner." We both had a good laugh.
Then my friend spoke with the wisdom I always expect from him. "Kim, what matters is that YOU know who you are. You know, as do I, that you are living to please our Heavenly Father. You know in your heart that while you are far from perfect, your goal in life is to bring Him glory. And for that, He is pleased. He does not expect perfection, He expects devotion. As long as you get up every day and live to please Him, not others, then He is very proud of you. He will bless your efforts, though you will fail at times."
"It's so hard", I said, "because it hurts when people I care about turn away from me and think poorly of me." He replied, with eyes full of love, "Of course it hurts! I know this feeling all too well! I happened to me over and over. Even my dearest friend denied me. But always remember, fill your mind with thoughts of how much our Father loves you. And always remember how much I love you. Our Father and I know who you are at the core of your heart. So do you. Hold on to that. Time will heal the pain and worries. And those who truly know you and truly love you will never doubt you. So don't doubt yourself. Bask in how far you've come, and the process you are still going through. And, for heavens sake, push what others think out of your mind! You have no control over that! Their thoughts are between them and the Father!"
I left my Friend's beautiful home that day somehow feeling lighter. I felt as if a load had been lifted. Just saying my thoughts out loud to a loved one made my steps a little lighter. My confidence began to grow again. Laying down my pride and following His wise advise to walk humbly before the Father was the best medicine I could ever take. It was a hard pill to swallow in the beginning. But, with practice, it got easier. In the end, there was healing, and it was well worth the pain, for I emerged much stronger than ever before, but I'm still a work in process. The pain was worth it, for the journey I got to take was beautiful.
"The Rocking Chair" a story by Kim Price Weaver 10/28/13
As I turned to make the drive down the long driveway, I slowed to a crawl, relishing in every moment of the beauty around me. The driveway wound around until, at last, the house was in view. It was a house with beauty beyond words. Sitting in the clearing, surrounded by woods, the wrap around porch on His home looked so warm and inviting. Rocking chairs and a porch swing welcomed anyone who would come, any who was willing to make the long drive.
As I climbed out of my car, my Friend welcomed me with open arms. His laughter filled the air, as He said to me "Kim! My friend, thank you for making the long drive. You have been constantly on my mind. Come. Sit down. Let's talk." I quickly grabbed my favorite rocking chair. I had spent many hours in that rocking chair talking with my Friend over the years.
He disappeared into the house, and quickly returned with my favorite iced tea. He was always so quick to serve me with the greatest hospitality.
"I didn't bake cookies this time. I know you're watching what you eat. Though, to me, you always look beautiful." I laughed and said to him, "After all these years, You know me too well."
We sat in silence for a few minutes enjoying the view, and sipping our tea. He quietly broke the silence with His soft words. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately. I've had you constantly on my heart for a long time." I began to spill out the events of the past few months.
As I spoke, He he responded by refocusing my attention. "And, what have you learned from all this?" he asked, in a typical Teacher like manner.
I sat quietly for a while in deep thought. Then I began to list to Him all I'd learned. I laughed and said, "You know me, I've had to relearn many of the old lessons I have been learning for years. Forgiveness, self control, and to shut my mouth are among some of the many lessons I have had to review." We both laughed because we both knew these are lessons I have worked on for years.
Then I dropped my head, and my eyes filled with tears. "There's one lesson that has been the hardest for me. It's been a battle that I fought when I was young, and never won. So now, at the ripe old age of 54, I am learning to win this battle." He looked at me and said, "Look in my face child, and tell me about this lesson." As I looked full into his face, I felt a new confidence, accompanied by such peace.
"Well, you see, for my entire life I have always feared what people thought of me. I have always wondered if I was good enough, if people were whispering behind my back, or if I was the one people joked about when my back was turned." My Friend looked full into my eyes. His eyes were so kind and full of compassion. "Yes, Kim, I know this has been a struggle for you. Don't feel bad. Many people have the same struggle. You are not alone in this one."
I began to speak again, my voice sounding a little stronger. "I have learned that I cannot stop what people say or think about me. I have learned that I can't put out every fire, every time someone turns away from me, and believes things that are not true. Oh, I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have made phone calls, and sent emails in a lame attempt to defend my reputation. But along the way, I have learned from You that reputation doesn't matter. I have learned that I have no control over what people say, or think, whether it is good or bad. I have learned to lay down my pride, and walk humbly, just as you do. You have taught me so much. You have shown me through your own life, that worrying about whether or not people believe lies, or are thinking badly of me is pride. Pride is sin. I have watched you walk in truth and love, with no worries about what others think. You have only cared about what our Heavenly Father thinks. From your example, I am learning to replace those worries and fears with thoughts of our Father, and what He thinks of me. It takes practice! But I am learning that what He thinks is what really matters. And you know me, I can be a slow learner." We both had a good laugh.
Then my friend spoke with the wisdom I always expect from him. "Kim, what matters is that YOU know who you are. You know, as do I, that you are living to please our Heavenly Father. You know in your heart that while you are far from perfect, your goal in life is to bring Him glory. And for that, He is pleased. He does not expect perfection, He expects devotion. As long as you get up every day and live to please Him, not others, then He is very proud of you. He will bless your efforts, though you will fail at times."
"It's so hard", I said, "because it hurts when people I care about turn away from me and think poorly of me." He replied, with eyes full of love, "Of course it hurts! I know this feeling all too well! I happened to me over and over. Even my dearest friend denied me. But always remember, fill your mind with thoughts of how much our Father loves you. And always remember how much I love you. Our Father and I know who you are at the core of your heart. So do you. Hold on to that. Time will heal the pain and worries. And those who truly know you and truly love you will never doubt you. So don't doubt yourself. Bask in how far you've come, and the process you are still going through. And, for heavens sake, push what others think out of your mind! You have no control over that! Their thoughts are between them and the Father!"
I left my Friend's beautiful home that day somehow feeling lighter. I felt as if a load had been lifted. Just saying my thoughts out loud to a loved one made my steps a little lighter. My confidence began to grow again. Laying down my pride and following His wise advise to walk humbly before the Father was the best medicine I could ever take. It was a hard pill to swallow in the beginning. But, with practice, it got easier. In the end, there was healing, and it was well worth the pain, for I emerged much stronger than ever before, but I'm still a work in process. The pain was worth it, for the journey I got to take was beautiful.
"The Rocking Chair" a story by Kim Price Weaver 10/28/13
Sunday, September 29, 2013
This is my story...This is my song...
Grateful. That's the only word I have to describe the overwhelming feeling inside me these days. I was emailing a very close friend the other day. I told her in my email that I didn't have enough time to tell her all that my Father has done for me since April 1st. I've decided to attempt to put some of it into words, for all the world to see. Every single day, without fail, He has given me at least one special gift of love, just for me. Many days, there were far more than one gift, but several hugs and kisses from my God.
As you all know, after a 7 month long illness, I have gone through a painful, difficult divorce. The divorce was final a few weeks ago. I have decided to attempt to write about His faithfulness and love today to encourage anyone going through a nightmare in their life. As the lyrics of one of my favorite songs says, "You were with us all along"! That is my story, too. Looking back over the past few months, He was with me all along. He showed off, showed his faithfulness, and left me no doubt of His presence on a daily basis. He didn't remove the pain, grief, and tears. He carried me through it instead. So, here goes my feeble attempt to list some of the things my Heavenly Father has done....
My friends and family rushed to my side as soon as my tragedy began. They surrounded me with love, prayers, and their constant presence, or contact through email, Facebook, text, and phone calls.
He blessed me with several new friends along the way, as well as bringing old friends back into my life. Many friends that I did not even know very well rushed to my side to hold me up, encourage me, and point me in the right direction. My life long friend, Sherri, began immediately doing her homework and helping weed through the legal system. I was still very ill from my surgery 4 weeks prior. She became my strength, my mind, and my constant help in time of trouble.
My parents and extended family loved me back to life. Total strangers prayed for me and my kids. God called people from all over to pray. I am convinced I won't know who all these people were until I meet them in Heaven! That is so overwhelming to me!
As time passed, my physical strength began to return. I began to slowly get stronger and stronger from my surgery. As I began to stand on my own two feet, God began pouring out His presence in new ways.
He brought me back to my home church, Silverdale Baptist Church.
He laid it on the hearts of people whom I hardly knew to send me monetary gifts.
I received cards, and notes that were like blankets of His love wrapping around me.
He allowed me to return to my job, where I was met with the love of my dear friends, and the children I so adore.
He sent me special moments in the mountains, which is my favorite place to be. I was blessed to get 2 trips to my favorite cabin, one trip with my family, and one trip alone. Each time, His presence was there in a tangible way.
I saw sunrises, and sunsets that showed off His glory. I often felt they were painted just for me.
He has continued to send me new friends who understand exactly what I am going through.
I had lunches and dinners with many people who love me.
He sent me a wonderful counselor, who encouraged me, guided me, advised me, and laughed with me as I walk this journey.
He gave me special Bible verses constantly. I have studied the Word for years, but some days it was as if I was reading these verses for the first time, and they were written just for me.
Laughter. He has given us laughter. Sometimes at the oddest times. Sometimes over the oddest things. But it was definitely fun and laughter from Him to me!
He has returned to me dear friends that I thought I had lost forever.
He has preserved my reputation, and integrity.
He has given me a new hope, and is leading daily in new directions.
Flowers, birds, wildlife, and natures beauty, which are all some of my favorite things.
Kisses and hugs from my babies at work.
Encouragement from Pastors. God has sent several pastors to encourage me along the way, and bless me with their words of kindness.
Gifts left in my mailbox.
A gift from Lindsay of a tattoo reminding me of His unfailing love.
A shopping spree compliments of some loved ones! I felt like a kid at Christmas!
Visits from my beloved son, Daniel, and sometimes his roommate, Neil. They always bring me joy.
Encouragement through text from people that I didn't even know had my phone number.
Music. The Ethos CD, Byan and Katie Torwalt, AJ Cheek. They have all become my constant companions.
Gordon. Dear old Gordon. There's nothing like a dog for a constant companion and unconditional love.
Lindsay and Daniel. Their love unconditional love for me never ceases.
Daniel Beckler, my new 2nd son. He has stuck by our side through all that's happened, and never ran like many young men would do.
These are only a few of the things my Father has blessed me with. I am sure I left many things out. I have come to appreciate and embrace every single moment, and every single thing He sends. They are all like Love letters from Him just for me.
So.. This is my story! This is my song! Praising my Savior all the day long!
My precious friends, I can't hold back! HE IS FAITHFUL!!! His Word is true! He never leaves, even during your darkest hour! He is more than my words could ever describe! He's Beautiful! Yahweh! Holy! The Great I AM! My words fail me. If you don't know Him, if you've never experienced Him the way I have, it's time for you to come into His presence. Don't go through another day without my God! He's amazing!
As you all know, after a 7 month long illness, I have gone through a painful, difficult divorce. The divorce was final a few weeks ago. I have decided to attempt to write about His faithfulness and love today to encourage anyone going through a nightmare in their life. As the lyrics of one of my favorite songs says, "You were with us all along"! That is my story, too. Looking back over the past few months, He was with me all along. He showed off, showed his faithfulness, and left me no doubt of His presence on a daily basis. He didn't remove the pain, grief, and tears. He carried me through it instead. So, here goes my feeble attempt to list some of the things my Heavenly Father has done....
My friends and family rushed to my side as soon as my tragedy began. They surrounded me with love, prayers, and their constant presence, or contact through email, Facebook, text, and phone calls.
He blessed me with several new friends along the way, as well as bringing old friends back into my life. Many friends that I did not even know very well rushed to my side to hold me up, encourage me, and point me in the right direction. My life long friend, Sherri, began immediately doing her homework and helping weed through the legal system. I was still very ill from my surgery 4 weeks prior. She became my strength, my mind, and my constant help in time of trouble.
My parents and extended family loved me back to life. Total strangers prayed for me and my kids. God called people from all over to pray. I am convinced I won't know who all these people were until I meet them in Heaven! That is so overwhelming to me!
As time passed, my physical strength began to return. I began to slowly get stronger and stronger from my surgery. As I began to stand on my own two feet, God began pouring out His presence in new ways.
He brought me back to my home church, Silverdale Baptist Church.
He laid it on the hearts of people whom I hardly knew to send me monetary gifts.
I received cards, and notes that were like blankets of His love wrapping around me.
He allowed me to return to my job, where I was met with the love of my dear friends, and the children I so adore.
He sent me special moments in the mountains, which is my favorite place to be. I was blessed to get 2 trips to my favorite cabin, one trip with my family, and one trip alone. Each time, His presence was there in a tangible way.
I saw sunrises, and sunsets that showed off His glory. I often felt they were painted just for me.
He has continued to send me new friends who understand exactly what I am going through.
I had lunches and dinners with many people who love me.
He sent me a wonderful counselor, who encouraged me, guided me, advised me, and laughed with me as I walk this journey.
He gave me special Bible verses constantly. I have studied the Word for years, but some days it was as if I was reading these verses for the first time, and they were written just for me.
Laughter. He has given us laughter. Sometimes at the oddest times. Sometimes over the oddest things. But it was definitely fun and laughter from Him to me!
He has returned to me dear friends that I thought I had lost forever.
He has preserved my reputation, and integrity.
He has given me a new hope, and is leading daily in new directions.
Flowers, birds, wildlife, and natures beauty, which are all some of my favorite things.
Kisses and hugs from my babies at work.
Encouragement from Pastors. God has sent several pastors to encourage me along the way, and bless me with their words of kindness.
Gifts left in my mailbox.
A gift from Lindsay of a tattoo reminding me of His unfailing love.
A shopping spree compliments of some loved ones! I felt like a kid at Christmas!
Visits from my beloved son, Daniel, and sometimes his roommate, Neil. They always bring me joy.
Encouragement through text from people that I didn't even know had my phone number.
Music. The Ethos CD, Byan and Katie Torwalt, AJ Cheek. They have all become my constant companions.
Gordon. Dear old Gordon. There's nothing like a dog for a constant companion and unconditional love.
Lindsay and Daniel. Their love unconditional love for me never ceases.
Daniel Beckler, my new 2nd son. He has stuck by our side through all that's happened, and never ran like many young men would do.
These are only a few of the things my Father has blessed me with. I am sure I left many things out. I have come to appreciate and embrace every single moment, and every single thing He sends. They are all like Love letters from Him just for me.
So.. This is my story! This is my song! Praising my Savior all the day long!
My precious friends, I can't hold back! HE IS FAITHFUL!!! His Word is true! He never leaves, even during your darkest hour! He is more than my words could ever describe! He's Beautiful! Yahweh! Holy! The Great I AM! My words fail me. If you don't know Him, if you've never experienced Him the way I have, it's time for you to come into His presence. Don't go through another day without my God! He's amazing!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
He Makes All Things New
My heart was pounding out of my chest as I pulled out of the driveway on 9/11/13. It was finally here. The day my divorce would be final. I had grieved for months. I had cried, been angry, and felt lonely. But today I found myself in a very good mood. I thought I'd be sad, cry, or be somber at the very least. But instead, I was excited. I was going on an adventure…alone!
I was starting a new chapter in the life of Kim Price Weaver. The future was uncertain, but the feeling was amazing. God had placed it on my heart that He had something special for me to do in this new chapter. What? I still don't know. Part of the adventure is figuring it all out. What I do know for sure is that He will walk with me every step of the way. He has done that since this divorce nightmare has begun, and He will continue to lead me. I have total trust in His unseen Hand, and can not wait to see where He takes me. I already see His purpose in bringing me through this trial. Trust. Totally unadulterated trust.
As I drove, I reflected on the past, and the future. To my surprise, I had no regrets about my past marriage. I had only fond memories of my kids growing up and the good times we had together. As I thought about the future, I felt deep inside of me that the future will hold helping others, giving of myself, my life knowledge, and my faith to other people. I do not know what that will include. I am clueless. But I do know my Father has led me here, to this day, to this moment for a purpose. My new found freedom will be used in some way for His kingdom. His purpose is to use me for His glory, and I am excited...
Winding through the mountains, and making turns for a few miles, I finally saw it! My "very own palace"! My place of refuge and restoration. It is so beautiful here. I never want to leave! But I also know, the adventure God has for me is not here. It is at home.
If you read my blog regularly, you know I wrote about "The View from the Top" several weeks ago. I am here! I finally made it! Along the way, there has been many trials and tribulations. I have cried more tears than I care to remember. I have made amazing friends that love me unconditional. Outside of my family, and a few dear friends, I didn't know that was possible. But my friends, both new and old, have shown me differently. They have cried with me, helped me weed through the legal maze, made me laugh, and most of all, loved me with a love only God could give. Grateful. I am so grateful!
I will step back into the real world on Saturday. Please pray for me as I seek to follow God every step of the way. And, though I am willing to go through more trials, please pray that I get a break from all the trials I have been through for this past year, both with my serious health issues, (which are much much better) and divorce related trials. I still need God's unseen hand as things continue.
Much Love!
I was starting a new chapter in the life of Kim Price Weaver. The future was uncertain, but the feeling was amazing. God had placed it on my heart that He had something special for me to do in this new chapter. What? I still don't know. Part of the adventure is figuring it all out. What I do know for sure is that He will walk with me every step of the way. He has done that since this divorce nightmare has begun, and He will continue to lead me. I have total trust in His unseen Hand, and can not wait to see where He takes me. I already see His purpose in bringing me through this trial. Trust. Totally unadulterated trust.
As I drove, I reflected on the past, and the future. To my surprise, I had no regrets about my past marriage. I had only fond memories of my kids growing up and the good times we had together. As I thought about the future, I felt deep inside of me that the future will hold helping others, giving of myself, my life knowledge, and my faith to other people. I do not know what that will include. I am clueless. But I do know my Father has led me here, to this day, to this moment for a purpose. My new found freedom will be used in some way for His kingdom. His purpose is to use me for His glory, and I am excited...
Winding through the mountains, and making turns for a few miles, I finally saw it! My "very own palace"! My place of refuge and restoration. It is so beautiful here. I never want to leave! But I also know, the adventure God has for me is not here. It is at home.
If you read my blog regularly, you know I wrote about "The View from the Top" several weeks ago. I am here! I finally made it! Along the way, there has been many trials and tribulations. I have cried more tears than I care to remember. I have made amazing friends that love me unconditional. Outside of my family, and a few dear friends, I didn't know that was possible. But my friends, both new and old, have shown me differently. They have cried with me, helped me weed through the legal maze, made me laugh, and most of all, loved me with a love only God could give. Grateful. I am so grateful!
I will step back into the real world on Saturday. Please pray for me as I seek to follow God every step of the way. And, though I am willing to go through more trials, please pray that I get a break from all the trials I have been through for this past year, both with my serious health issues, (which are much much better) and divorce related trials. I still need God's unseen hand as things continue.
Much Love!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Broken and Spilled Out
On Wednesday our 60 day waiting period will be over. A court date will be set. Then, once the judge grants our divorce, a book in my life will come to a close.
Today my life is flooded with memories. Good memories and bad memories. None the less, like any good book, they all make up my story. I remember so clearly our wedding day, the birth of our children, each and every Christmas, family get together's, trips to Maryville to visit family, birthday celebrations, and laughing until we cried.
There were little trips to the Smoky Mountains that I can recall so vividly. We had our inside jokes as we drove the roads of Cades Cove, looking for bear or deer, or anything interesting we could find. To this day, my kids (ages 24 and 21) repeat those jokes when we go through "The Cove" as we call it.
There were those magnificent trips to Colorado. They were dream trips. Cottonwood Pass, the Rocky Mountain National Park, Crested Butte, Winter Park, The American Classic Motel (the nastiest place I've ever stayed! I wanted to sleep in the car that night but Paul said, "No God gave us this room and we will sleep in it!" Then Daniel said "My bed smells like cereal." hahaha) mouse, elk, ghost towns, snow in July, hiking, staying in a cabin that was a 'mansion' with 4 master suites, 6 bathrooms, and the biggest kitchen and living room I have ever seen, all for $150 a night! The Aspen trees were so gorgeous! The snow covered mountains were overwhelmingly beautiful. There was the condo we stayed in at Crested Butte, where there were baby birds that fell out of their nest and onto our patio. Lindsay and I worried about those birds until the owner of the condo sent us an email when we got home and told us those babies flew away! We were all so happy! And the food...oh my! The delicious food! I could go on and on about Colorado, but that's enough for now.
There were many trips to the beach, all including delicious food, a view of the ocean, dolphins, long evening walks, laughter, relaxation, sunburns, and, of course, a game or two of putt putt.
It's so hard to believe those vacations and weekend trips are over....
I remember the day we moved into this house. It was our 10th anniversary (August 2nd, 1996). We were so overwhelmed that 'little ole us' could ever buy a house like this. Paul had finally graduated nursing school, and we got to "move up". We had lived on such little money for the first 10 years that having a split foyer in a nice neighborhood was as good as it gets as far as we were concerned. Paul had worked so hard, two and three, jobs plus school and finally we could make ends meets. He was such a good provider.
Then there were the Honda's. Honda after Honda! Since I'm a car person, I love my Honda's!
I could go on and on about the good times. Just as every marriage, we had so much fun. We had several dogs that we loved dearly. And some that we didn't love so much, like our Schnauzer, Toby, "bless his heart", as we always say when we think of him. Our hamsters, Kevin and Judy. They kept us amused.
There were several friends that passed through our lives. We had such great times with Jim and Rhea. I still remember Jim's laughter, and Rhea's cooking like it was yesterday. We all took a trip to Atlanta to the Atlanta Fest once. We rented a camper. Jim got us press passes so we meet the "stars". Our lives were surrounded by music. We went to every Christian concert we could! Mylon Lefevre, Stephen Curtis Chapman, Geoff Moore and the Distance, and on and on and on. There were a couple of Christmases that I gave up getting a gift so Paul could get a new guitar. I would be as excited as he was when he would get his new "wife" as he referred to his guitars. haha
Then there was NASCAR. We went to Bristol, and Atlanta to the races several times. That was some of the most fun we ever had! Daniel, Paul and I would hike for what seemed like miles into the tracks. We had a blast! We watched every race, practice, and qualifying that we could. I loved Bobby Labonte, Tony Stewart, and Jeff Gordon. Paul loved Dale Jarrett, then Carl Edwards. Daniel loved Jeff Gordon. We had such a great time keeping up with 'our drivers'!
But, sadly, somewhere along the way, things began to unravel. Work, school, and the business of life got in the way. We lost touch with one another. We lost the love we once had. We lost trust. We lost accountability. And our marriage took the wrong turn. We stopped dating. We stopped going on weekend trips. We stopped talking. I tried to fight for our marriage. I wanted counseling so we could learn to love again. But, after a while, I gave up, and neither of us cared anymore. I wanted to stay together and "endure" who we had become. (sad isn't it?). And Paul wanted to move on and find a new life, which he did. So, for the last 5 months, I have been saying goodbye, chapter by chapter closing this book. I've watched my friends and family grieve, because for them, it's been a death. I can't even begin to know the toll it's taking on my kids. That will be a story for them to tell.
Twenty seven years. One half of our lives were spent together. And now we don't even speak. I haven't even seen him in 5 months. Today, I am glad about that. Things had become so bad between us over the last few years that neither of us want to see one another. I am ashamed to admit all of this, but this is our story.
Why am I telling you all this? Why does God always call me to be so open??? I wish I knew, because I don't enjoy opening up my life up for all the world to see.
The truth is, though, I don't want others to follow in our path. Men, fight for your women! They are so beautiful, and so worth fighting for. They are the mate God has chosen for you! Fight for your kids. Never ever leave your kids for another family! The pain you leave behind is unbearable at times.
Women, fight for your husbands! Even when it seems unbearable, painful, and impossible, keep fighting. Respect him. Appreciate him. Seek counseling when necessary. Learn how to be the best wife you can be!
Hold one another accountable. Don't keep secrets, unless they are the fun kind of secrets. Allow yourselves to be open books with one another. And never, ever allow another man or woman to enter what God ordained as sacred. Never let work come between you. Money and work mean nothing compared to the treasure of your family. Always make time for each other. For there is no one more important in your life than your spouse. There is no covenant more important than those vows you said to one another on your wedding day. Never break those vows. Follow God together, and never allow a 3rd party to enter what God ordained for you and your wife only. That includes porn, and lust. Take marriage classes, go to marriage conferences, and have friends that hold you accountable. Oh, and laugh! Laugh a lot! Fight with all your might before you ever say goodbye. That's what God intends for us to do. If, after you've done all you can, and you must say goodbye, do it with dignity and respect.
All marriages will not, and should not survive. Adultery, and being married to an unbeliever are two reasons that God understands divorce. If you have made these mistakes, if you have failed in your marriage, gotten a divorce, or if you have gotten away from God, there is forgiveness. He welcomes you back with open arms. Forgive yourself! For once you repent, and make things right, He forgets all about your sin! So let your self condemnation go, and allow God to use your sin for His glory. He makes beauty from ashes!I NEVER want to offend those who have gotten a divorce, or their families. I totally understand how divorce happens, and I totally understand Gods forgiveness.
Today, I am getting ready to close this book. The book of "Paul and Kim Weaver". To be perfectly honest, through my tears and pain, I am excited to see what God has for me in the future. No matter how many things I could have done differently, this book would have ended the same way. It takes two to be married. Not one. And certainly not 3. Only 2, and, of course, most of all, God to bind your hearts together for a life time.
I watch my friends and family celebrate their anniversaries, walk through heart aches together, and do life together totally in love with each other. To be honest, at times it hurts. Many of these friends were our friends when we were young. They have made it!!! They will grow old together!!! They are happy and in love!!! Praise God!!! Stan and Jeanni, Tracie and Pat, Charles and Tammie, Tim and Debbie, and on and on.... Most of all, my family, Greg and Cindy, Chris and Ashley, and my Mom and Dad (Jack and Mary). You are all such beautiful examples of what God intends for marriage to be. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in good times and bad times, til death do us part. Thank you all so much for your example! There are so many more that I can not even begin to mention you all! You are all running the race just as Christ intended. And your lives are sweeter as the days go by! What a beautiful heritage you're giving your families.
Yes, I wore my heart on my sleeve once again, but it needed to be said. God called me to say it. It needed to be said for those whose marriages are in trouble, for those who are engaged, for newlyweds, and young families. And it needed to be said for those who are walking in my shoes today and are going though divorce, or for those who are already divorced. I know your pain. And I know we will make it. Together, and with God, we can do all things! He is our love! He is our husbands! And He adores us! He sings over us at night, and fights for us and holds us close during the daylight. He is Marvelous! Together we will start a new book, if that's where He leads!
Much love everyone!
Feel free to message me on FB if you need to talk!
Today my life is flooded with memories. Good memories and bad memories. None the less, like any good book, they all make up my story. I remember so clearly our wedding day, the birth of our children, each and every Christmas, family get together's, trips to Maryville to visit family, birthday celebrations, and laughing until we cried.
There were little trips to the Smoky Mountains that I can recall so vividly. We had our inside jokes as we drove the roads of Cades Cove, looking for bear or deer, or anything interesting we could find. To this day, my kids (ages 24 and 21) repeat those jokes when we go through "The Cove" as we call it.
There were those magnificent trips to Colorado. They were dream trips. Cottonwood Pass, the Rocky Mountain National Park, Crested Butte, Winter Park, The American Classic Motel (the nastiest place I've ever stayed! I wanted to sleep in the car that night but Paul said, "No God gave us this room and we will sleep in it!" Then Daniel said "My bed smells like cereal." hahaha) mouse, elk, ghost towns, snow in July, hiking, staying in a cabin that was a 'mansion' with 4 master suites, 6 bathrooms, and the biggest kitchen and living room I have ever seen, all for $150 a night! The Aspen trees were so gorgeous! The snow covered mountains were overwhelmingly beautiful. There was the condo we stayed in at Crested Butte, where there were baby birds that fell out of their nest and onto our patio. Lindsay and I worried about those birds until the owner of the condo sent us an email when we got home and told us those babies flew away! We were all so happy! And the food...oh my! The delicious food! I could go on and on about Colorado, but that's enough for now.
There were many trips to the beach, all including delicious food, a view of the ocean, dolphins, long evening walks, laughter, relaxation, sunburns, and, of course, a game or two of putt putt.
It's so hard to believe those vacations and weekend trips are over....
I remember the day we moved into this house. It was our 10th anniversary (August 2nd, 1996). We were so overwhelmed that 'little ole us' could ever buy a house like this. Paul had finally graduated nursing school, and we got to "move up". We had lived on such little money for the first 10 years that having a split foyer in a nice neighborhood was as good as it gets as far as we were concerned. Paul had worked so hard, two and three, jobs plus school and finally we could make ends meets. He was such a good provider.
Then there were the Honda's. Honda after Honda! Since I'm a car person, I love my Honda's!
I could go on and on about the good times. Just as every marriage, we had so much fun. We had several dogs that we loved dearly. And some that we didn't love so much, like our Schnauzer, Toby, "bless his heart", as we always say when we think of him. Our hamsters, Kevin and Judy. They kept us amused.
There were several friends that passed through our lives. We had such great times with Jim and Rhea. I still remember Jim's laughter, and Rhea's cooking like it was yesterday. We all took a trip to Atlanta to the Atlanta Fest once. We rented a camper. Jim got us press passes so we meet the "stars". Our lives were surrounded by music. We went to every Christian concert we could! Mylon Lefevre, Stephen Curtis Chapman, Geoff Moore and the Distance, and on and on and on. There were a couple of Christmases that I gave up getting a gift so Paul could get a new guitar. I would be as excited as he was when he would get his new "wife" as he referred to his guitars. haha
Then there was NASCAR. We went to Bristol, and Atlanta to the races several times. That was some of the most fun we ever had! Daniel, Paul and I would hike for what seemed like miles into the tracks. We had a blast! We watched every race, practice, and qualifying that we could. I loved Bobby Labonte, Tony Stewart, and Jeff Gordon. Paul loved Dale Jarrett, then Carl Edwards. Daniel loved Jeff Gordon. We had such a great time keeping up with 'our drivers'!
But, sadly, somewhere along the way, things began to unravel. Work, school, and the business of life got in the way. We lost touch with one another. We lost the love we once had. We lost trust. We lost accountability. And our marriage took the wrong turn. We stopped dating. We stopped going on weekend trips. We stopped talking. I tried to fight for our marriage. I wanted counseling so we could learn to love again. But, after a while, I gave up, and neither of us cared anymore. I wanted to stay together and "endure" who we had become. (sad isn't it?). And Paul wanted to move on and find a new life, which he did. So, for the last 5 months, I have been saying goodbye, chapter by chapter closing this book. I've watched my friends and family grieve, because for them, it's been a death. I can't even begin to know the toll it's taking on my kids. That will be a story for them to tell.
Twenty seven years. One half of our lives were spent together. And now we don't even speak. I haven't even seen him in 5 months. Today, I am glad about that. Things had become so bad between us over the last few years that neither of us want to see one another. I am ashamed to admit all of this, but this is our story.
Why am I telling you all this? Why does God always call me to be so open??? I wish I knew, because I don't enjoy opening up my life up for all the world to see.
The truth is, though, I don't want others to follow in our path. Men, fight for your women! They are so beautiful, and so worth fighting for. They are the mate God has chosen for you! Fight for your kids. Never ever leave your kids for another family! The pain you leave behind is unbearable at times.
Women, fight for your husbands! Even when it seems unbearable, painful, and impossible, keep fighting. Respect him. Appreciate him. Seek counseling when necessary. Learn how to be the best wife you can be!
Hold one another accountable. Don't keep secrets, unless they are the fun kind of secrets. Allow yourselves to be open books with one another. And never, ever allow another man or woman to enter what God ordained as sacred. Never let work come between you. Money and work mean nothing compared to the treasure of your family. Always make time for each other. For there is no one more important in your life than your spouse. There is no covenant more important than those vows you said to one another on your wedding day. Never break those vows. Follow God together, and never allow a 3rd party to enter what God ordained for you and your wife only. That includes porn, and lust. Take marriage classes, go to marriage conferences, and have friends that hold you accountable. Oh, and laugh! Laugh a lot! Fight with all your might before you ever say goodbye. That's what God intends for us to do. If, after you've done all you can, and you must say goodbye, do it with dignity and respect.
All marriages will not, and should not survive. Adultery, and being married to an unbeliever are two reasons that God understands divorce. If you have made these mistakes, if you have failed in your marriage, gotten a divorce, or if you have gotten away from God, there is forgiveness. He welcomes you back with open arms. Forgive yourself! For once you repent, and make things right, He forgets all about your sin! So let your self condemnation go, and allow God to use your sin for His glory. He makes beauty from ashes!I NEVER want to offend those who have gotten a divorce, or their families. I totally understand how divorce happens, and I totally understand Gods forgiveness.
Today, I am getting ready to close this book. The book of "Paul and Kim Weaver". To be perfectly honest, through my tears and pain, I am excited to see what God has for me in the future. No matter how many things I could have done differently, this book would have ended the same way. It takes two to be married. Not one. And certainly not 3. Only 2, and, of course, most of all, God to bind your hearts together for a life time.
I watch my friends and family celebrate their anniversaries, walk through heart aches together, and do life together totally in love with each other. To be honest, at times it hurts. Many of these friends were our friends when we were young. They have made it!!! They will grow old together!!! They are happy and in love!!! Praise God!!! Stan and Jeanni, Tracie and Pat, Charles and Tammie, Tim and Debbie, and on and on.... Most of all, my family, Greg and Cindy, Chris and Ashley, and my Mom and Dad (Jack and Mary). You are all such beautiful examples of what God intends for marriage to be. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in good times and bad times, til death do us part. Thank you all so much for your example! There are so many more that I can not even begin to mention you all! You are all running the race just as Christ intended. And your lives are sweeter as the days go by! What a beautiful heritage you're giving your families.
Yes, I wore my heart on my sleeve once again, but it needed to be said. God called me to say it. It needed to be said for those whose marriages are in trouble, for those who are engaged, for newlyweds, and young families. And it needed to be said for those who are walking in my shoes today and are going though divorce, or for those who are already divorced. I know your pain. And I know we will make it. Together, and with God, we can do all things! He is our love! He is our husbands! And He adores us! He sings over us at night, and fights for us and holds us close during the daylight. He is Marvelous! Together we will start a new book, if that's where He leads!
Much love everyone!
Feel free to message me on FB if you need to talk!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
The View From the Top
My Father and I were sitting together in the midst of a deep valley.
Totally unexpected, my Father turned to me and said, "Daughter, lets
climb that mountain together." As I looked up, there stood a mountain
unlike any I had ever seen before. Rocky, jagged, and incredibly steep.
"No, Father. I am very comfortable in this valley. It's safe here. It's familiar. Yes, it's a little dark, but I really don't want to leave. I'll just stay here." My heart began to race, as I knew my Father could coax me into anything He wanted me to do. This mountain ahead was just going to be too much, though. And I did not want to climb a mountain of this size and stature.
"Daughter, you have asked me time and time again to take you anywhere I wanted you to go. Today, I want to begin the climb to the peak of this mountain. Together, we can do it. I'll go ahead of you and make a way."
I could not resist my Father. I knew any climb He had for me would be what was best in the long run. He took a step ahead of me and reached back for my hand. "We'll start slow. We'll take baby steps, until you are ready to move faster. I promise I will climb every step with you. I will never leave you."
In a quiet voice, barely audible, I replied, "Ok, Father. What ever you want". He smiled down at me seeming so proud and pleased. And so we took our first steps. It was a little rocky at times, and just slightly up hill. I remember thinking that I didn't know why I ever resisted. I trust this man who is going before me, and He would never lead me to something I could not handle.
Suddenly, in the front of us I noticed the path was getting a little more steep. "Father, can we rest?" I said. "No daughter. We have only begun our climb. Lets keep going."
Winded, and thirsty, I continued the climb reaching for my Father's hand. He gladly held my hand, looking down on me with a gentle smile. I felt very safe and secure. Then out of no where came a boulder in the middle off the path. I knew my Father well enough to know He would climb over the boulder rather than going around. So I readied myself as much as possible to make the climb. He went ahead of me, showing me every single place to put my foot. As we reached the top He said, "Isn't it beautiful?" I turned and looked back at the path we had been on. "Oh my! How beautiful!" I exclaimed.
Soon we found our path again. This time the path was far more steep, and far more narrow. As we walked slowly along the path I asked Him for a rest. My soul needed water, my feet needed rest. He willingly saw that I was tired, and so we found a nice rock, and sat for a while. We drank cool water from a nearby stream, and chatted about the adventure had we had already been on. He smiled gently at me and said, "Child, it's going to get better. Are you ready to go?" I reluctantly replied, "Yes Father. I trust you."
The path became even more narrow as we climbed a little faster this time. There was a drop off on one side, and trees on the other. I began to tremble. My Father took my hand to steady me. We walked side by side for what seemed to be miles. I began to relax, as my trust in His judgement grew stronger. Often times He would place His arm around me to keep me from falling. Often He would walk behind me, having my back in case I slipped.
Day after day, night after night, we climbed. The night time was the hardest. Through the forest, there were nights we could not even see the moon. At times I would drop to my knees and crawl. I could not see Him, but I could here His tender voice. "Child, how I love you. My love will never cease. You are my pride and joy. Together we will see the peak."
I remember one evening the sky began to darken. A storm cloud was blowing in. "Father I am scared! This is getting very dangerous! Can we go back to the safe valley?" I pleaded. "No, my child! You MUST trust me! There is no going back!" As the storm grew closer, I began to cry. "Oh Father, I am terrified! I can't do this any more!" He face look down on me with a gentle smile, and He replied, "Yes you can make it. With me you can do anything.." He reached out and pulled me close, His arms wrapped tightly around me. I had never felt so safe in my entire life. For the next few miles, He carried me.
Along the way, we met many other travelers. Each one added a different ingredient to our journey. Some would stop and chat for a while. Their encouraging words would tell me everything would be alright. They would say that the climb I was on was worth the view I would soon get to see. Other fellow travelers would heckle me and say "You can't do this! You are not good enough to even be on this path! Your Father doesn't love you. No one loves you. You are unlovable. He is leading you to a cliff that you will fall from, and we can't wait to see it happen!" At times these voices were screaming in my face, causing me so much pain. But my Father would always speaking lovingly to the strangers and say, "My daughter is stronger than you think she is. With Me, she will be perfectly fine." I trusted His voice, even when I could not see His face. And so we traveled on.
Some days the trail was wide and smooth. The beauty all around brought peace and comfort. And some days were dark. On those days, I could barely hear His voice, and I certainly could not see Him. But I continued on. Sometimes we would almost run, racing to the peak. Other times, we slowly took baby steps. Some days, my fear took a hold, and I stepped backwards. On those days, my Father came back and got me, and walked by my side, as I crawled along. He stayed there, moving slowly until I could stand again.
Along the way, we talked about any and everything. We remembered the past, we looked to the future. We laughed and we cried. I fell several times. At times the wounds were deep. My Father would bind my wounds, so lovingly and gently. Then He would sweetly say, "It will take a while for this to heal. You will always have a scar. But the scar will remind you of our journey together, and my tender loving care." Painful much of the time, the wounds did begin to heal. Sometimes they would reopen, but Father would place His healing balm on them, and they would heal stronger than ever before.
After days and days, months and months, I could see the peak of the mountain. I was climbing much faster and harder by now. Seeing the peak, and knowing it was in reach somehow gave me strength I never knew I had. There were more and more days that my Father and I laughed. Fewer tears were shed. Lighthearted and at peace, the journey, though still steep, was getting easier.
Finally after miles and miles of travel, meeting many fellow travelers along the way, many scraps, burns, thorns, and gashes, the peak was only a few feet away! Father ran ahead of me. I could see Him standing there at the peak of the mountain. His face was glowing with pride, as He smiled at me. "Child! Look at you! You have become so strong! You are so beautiful! I am so proud of you for going on this adventure with me. No Father has ever been more proud!" He reached His hands out to me. His hands were scarred, too. I knew then that He had understood every hurt I had gone through. I grabbed His hands, and together we turned and took in the view.
Oh my! The beauty of this magnificent view! I could see the entire path we had been on. I could hear applause from my fellow travelers. And then we all just stood quietly, in awe of the view. Our voices raised in praise, as one. For the view was so worth the journey we had taken together. My Father wrapped His arms around me beaming with pride, and love. "Well done my child. I have never loved you more than I do today!"
I am ready for another journey, after I rest here for a bit. My Father will be there every step of the way, cheering me on, healing my wounds and loving me unconditionally. He's wonderful like that, you know....
"No, Father. I am very comfortable in this valley. It's safe here. It's familiar. Yes, it's a little dark, but I really don't want to leave. I'll just stay here." My heart began to race, as I knew my Father could coax me into anything He wanted me to do. This mountain ahead was just going to be too much, though. And I did not want to climb a mountain of this size and stature.
"Daughter, you have asked me time and time again to take you anywhere I wanted you to go. Today, I want to begin the climb to the peak of this mountain. Together, we can do it. I'll go ahead of you and make a way."
I could not resist my Father. I knew any climb He had for me would be what was best in the long run. He took a step ahead of me and reached back for my hand. "We'll start slow. We'll take baby steps, until you are ready to move faster. I promise I will climb every step with you. I will never leave you."
In a quiet voice, barely audible, I replied, "Ok, Father. What ever you want". He smiled down at me seeming so proud and pleased. And so we took our first steps. It was a little rocky at times, and just slightly up hill. I remember thinking that I didn't know why I ever resisted. I trust this man who is going before me, and He would never lead me to something I could not handle.
Suddenly, in the front of us I noticed the path was getting a little more steep. "Father, can we rest?" I said. "No daughter. We have only begun our climb. Lets keep going."
Winded, and thirsty, I continued the climb reaching for my Father's hand. He gladly held my hand, looking down on me with a gentle smile. I felt very safe and secure. Then out of no where came a boulder in the middle off the path. I knew my Father well enough to know He would climb over the boulder rather than going around. So I readied myself as much as possible to make the climb. He went ahead of me, showing me every single place to put my foot. As we reached the top He said, "Isn't it beautiful?" I turned and looked back at the path we had been on. "Oh my! How beautiful!" I exclaimed.
Soon we found our path again. This time the path was far more steep, and far more narrow. As we walked slowly along the path I asked Him for a rest. My soul needed water, my feet needed rest. He willingly saw that I was tired, and so we found a nice rock, and sat for a while. We drank cool water from a nearby stream, and chatted about the adventure had we had already been on. He smiled gently at me and said, "Child, it's going to get better. Are you ready to go?" I reluctantly replied, "Yes Father. I trust you."
The path became even more narrow as we climbed a little faster this time. There was a drop off on one side, and trees on the other. I began to tremble. My Father took my hand to steady me. We walked side by side for what seemed to be miles. I began to relax, as my trust in His judgement grew stronger. Often times He would place His arm around me to keep me from falling. Often He would walk behind me, having my back in case I slipped.
Day after day, night after night, we climbed. The night time was the hardest. Through the forest, there were nights we could not even see the moon. At times I would drop to my knees and crawl. I could not see Him, but I could here His tender voice. "Child, how I love you. My love will never cease. You are my pride and joy. Together we will see the peak."
I remember one evening the sky began to darken. A storm cloud was blowing in. "Father I am scared! This is getting very dangerous! Can we go back to the safe valley?" I pleaded. "No, my child! You MUST trust me! There is no going back!" As the storm grew closer, I began to cry. "Oh Father, I am terrified! I can't do this any more!" He face look down on me with a gentle smile, and He replied, "Yes you can make it. With me you can do anything.." He reached out and pulled me close, His arms wrapped tightly around me. I had never felt so safe in my entire life. For the next few miles, He carried me.
Along the way, we met many other travelers. Each one added a different ingredient to our journey. Some would stop and chat for a while. Their encouraging words would tell me everything would be alright. They would say that the climb I was on was worth the view I would soon get to see. Other fellow travelers would heckle me and say "You can't do this! You are not good enough to even be on this path! Your Father doesn't love you. No one loves you. You are unlovable. He is leading you to a cliff that you will fall from, and we can't wait to see it happen!" At times these voices were screaming in my face, causing me so much pain. But my Father would always speaking lovingly to the strangers and say, "My daughter is stronger than you think she is. With Me, she will be perfectly fine." I trusted His voice, even when I could not see His face. And so we traveled on.
Some days the trail was wide and smooth. The beauty all around brought peace and comfort. And some days were dark. On those days, I could barely hear His voice, and I certainly could not see Him. But I continued on. Sometimes we would almost run, racing to the peak. Other times, we slowly took baby steps. Some days, my fear took a hold, and I stepped backwards. On those days, my Father came back and got me, and walked by my side, as I crawled along. He stayed there, moving slowly until I could stand again.
Along the way, we talked about any and everything. We remembered the past, we looked to the future. We laughed and we cried. I fell several times. At times the wounds were deep. My Father would bind my wounds, so lovingly and gently. Then He would sweetly say, "It will take a while for this to heal. You will always have a scar. But the scar will remind you of our journey together, and my tender loving care." Painful much of the time, the wounds did begin to heal. Sometimes they would reopen, but Father would place His healing balm on them, and they would heal stronger than ever before.
After days and days, months and months, I could see the peak of the mountain. I was climbing much faster and harder by now. Seeing the peak, and knowing it was in reach somehow gave me strength I never knew I had. There were more and more days that my Father and I laughed. Fewer tears were shed. Lighthearted and at peace, the journey, though still steep, was getting easier.
Finally after miles and miles of travel, meeting many fellow travelers along the way, many scraps, burns, thorns, and gashes, the peak was only a few feet away! Father ran ahead of me. I could see Him standing there at the peak of the mountain. His face was glowing with pride, as He smiled at me. "Child! Look at you! You have become so strong! You are so beautiful! I am so proud of you for going on this adventure with me. No Father has ever been more proud!" He reached His hands out to me. His hands were scarred, too. I knew then that He had understood every hurt I had gone through. I grabbed His hands, and together we turned and took in the view.
Oh my! The beauty of this magnificent view! I could see the entire path we had been on. I could hear applause from my fellow travelers. And then we all just stood quietly, in awe of the view. Our voices raised in praise, as one. For the view was so worth the journey we had taken together. My Father wrapped His arms around me beaming with pride, and love. "Well done my child. I have never loved you more than I do today!"
I am ready for another journey, after I rest here for a bit. My Father will be there every step of the way, cheering me on, healing my wounds and loving me unconditionally. He's wonderful like that, you know....
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Broken People
As I sat with a friend, sipping green tea and chatting on Sunday, our conversation turned to some of our unlikely friendships. We were talking about people that God has thrown in our path unexpectedly. My friend said to me, "I just love broken people! I am a hot mess! So I love reaching out to people that are broken like me!" I quickly agreed! I am a hot mess, too! And I am a broken person. Truth be told, we all are broken in one way or another.
After that conversation with my friend, I have thought so much about her words. God LOVES to use our mess! Not matter how messy our lives have been, He can turn things around and make our mess beautiful! If we were all perfectly honest, we all have some sort of mess in our lives, whether in the past, or something going on right now. God's greatest desire is to use our mess for His glory! He wants us to be honest about our messes, share our testimony with others and be vulnerable enough that others can see what He can do with a life despite our mess! Obviously, we must use wisdom so we do not hurt those whom we love. We don't want to throw our loved ones under the bus by telling all their sins and failures while telling our own. There is a time and a place to tell our story, and God will give us wisdom as to when that time is and how much we should say. But we still can trust His hand enough to guide us when it's time to tell what He has done in our lives.
Most of the time, we don't even have to tell our story. We can just use the wisdom He has given us to listen to others that are going through hard times. Most people just want to be heard. They want someone to listen to their story and love them anyway. Love them no matter what they've done, or where they are in their life.
For me, today, I am going through the hardest time of my life. Divorce. It has been so painful. I have been faced with my own sin, as well as the effects of the sin of others. I am learning to walk humbly in the face of hurt and pain. I am learning to stop and think before I speak. But through this journey, God is growing in me strength and endurance. I wish He would have picked another way. This is NOT the mess I would have chosen for myself. But this is the path He is allowing me to walk. There are new, scary challenges at every turn. He meets me there time after time.
The day will come when He can use my hot mess in the lives of others. For now, I covet your prayers for wisdom and strength as I walk through the doors of this new life. Though I do not do things perfectly, My Father's hand is on my back, guiding me every step of the way. He holds me in His arms at night, and sings over me. He is truly my everlasting love.
Here is one of His many promises to me....
"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19
AMEN!!! Much Love!
After that conversation with my friend, I have thought so much about her words. God LOVES to use our mess! Not matter how messy our lives have been, He can turn things around and make our mess beautiful! If we were all perfectly honest, we all have some sort of mess in our lives, whether in the past, or something going on right now. God's greatest desire is to use our mess for His glory! He wants us to be honest about our messes, share our testimony with others and be vulnerable enough that others can see what He can do with a life despite our mess! Obviously, we must use wisdom so we do not hurt those whom we love. We don't want to throw our loved ones under the bus by telling all their sins and failures while telling our own. There is a time and a place to tell our story, and God will give us wisdom as to when that time is and how much we should say. But we still can trust His hand enough to guide us when it's time to tell what He has done in our lives.
Most of the time, we don't even have to tell our story. We can just use the wisdom He has given us to listen to others that are going through hard times. Most people just want to be heard. They want someone to listen to their story and love them anyway. Love them no matter what they've done, or where they are in their life.
For me, today, I am going through the hardest time of my life. Divorce. It has been so painful. I have been faced with my own sin, as well as the effects of the sin of others. I am learning to walk humbly in the face of hurt and pain. I am learning to stop and think before I speak. But through this journey, God is growing in me strength and endurance. I wish He would have picked another way. This is NOT the mess I would have chosen for myself. But this is the path He is allowing me to walk. There are new, scary challenges at every turn. He meets me there time after time.
The day will come when He can use my hot mess in the lives of others. For now, I covet your prayers for wisdom and strength as I walk through the doors of this new life. Though I do not do things perfectly, My Father's hand is on my back, guiding me every step of the way. He holds me in His arms at night, and sings over me. He is truly my everlasting love.
Here is one of His many promises to me....
"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19
AMEN!!! Much Love!
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Ripple Effect
I am by far going through the most difficult time in my life right now. God is teaching me so much through this journey. I am embracing every word He is speaking into my life. It is a painful journey, both physically and emotionally. At times, it feels like it will never end. There was a day this past week that I literally prayed to Him, saying simply this: "You promised you would not give us more than we can bear. I am at my limit! I can not bear any more right now!" Guess what? The load eased.
I began to see glimmers of hope in my darkness. I began to be encouraged by acquaintances, close friends, and family. The out pouring of love has brought me to tears day after day. My heart has been so encouraged. At times I can feel myself soaring on His wings, because of all the love and encouragement I have received.
Through all the love, I have come to realize one major theme. Our lives have a ripple effect. Everything we say or do is passed along to someone else, and influencing them, whether it is in a good way or a bad way. People are watching. And they are following your footsteps.
I have had many struggles with failures over the years. I am certainly not a perfect person. And my sin has had a ripple effect. I have had to come to terms with areas I have failed. I have had to humble myself, confess my sins, apologized and turn from my failures. I have also been so uplifted and humbled to realize that there has been positive ripple effects during my journey on others that I didn't even realize were watching. You see, God doesn't love us because we are perfect, or stop loving us when we fail. God loves us for who we are. He loves us simply because we are His. I am readily accepting His unconditional, unending love.
It is my deepest desire, as I walk through this fire, that God be glorified. I had a moment of prayer last week where I said to Him, "If I must go through this much hurt, stress, loss and pain, then You have to use it for your glory! That's my only desire!"
When you get to be my age, (and that's pretty old haha) you begin to realize what really matters in life. As I watch young people search for the meaning of life, I have come to an age where I have found it. The meaning of life is simply this: giving of yourself to God, and to others, and loving those God puts in your life with all your heart. We are placed here for one simple purpose. That purpose is not for ourselves, our happiness, or our own comfort. I know this first hand, because I am way out of my comfort zone right now! Rather, our purpose is to bring God glory. It is my deepest desire that the ripple effect my life has on others is to point them to a deeper relationship with God. The deeper your relationship with Him, the more you trust Him when you're in the fire.
The end of my story has yet to be told. I have countless people praying for miracles, for my strength, for me to have wisdom, and for my healing. You can't even begin to know how much I love you all, and how important your prayers are to me and my family. But when all is said and done, at the root of it all, I want to know that God receives glory. After all, that's our purpose in life. When you go through the fire, you can hold on to Him, trust Him completely, give Him praise, and long for His glory, too.
Much love everyone! You are more dear to me than ever! I treasure each of you more than you know!
I began to see glimmers of hope in my darkness. I began to be encouraged by acquaintances, close friends, and family. The out pouring of love has brought me to tears day after day. My heart has been so encouraged. At times I can feel myself soaring on His wings, because of all the love and encouragement I have received.
Through all the love, I have come to realize one major theme. Our lives have a ripple effect. Everything we say or do is passed along to someone else, and influencing them, whether it is in a good way or a bad way. People are watching. And they are following your footsteps.
I have had many struggles with failures over the years. I am certainly not a perfect person. And my sin has had a ripple effect. I have had to come to terms with areas I have failed. I have had to humble myself, confess my sins, apologized and turn from my failures. I have also been so uplifted and humbled to realize that there has been positive ripple effects during my journey on others that I didn't even realize were watching. You see, God doesn't love us because we are perfect, or stop loving us when we fail. God loves us for who we are. He loves us simply because we are His. I am readily accepting His unconditional, unending love.
It is my deepest desire, as I walk through this fire, that God be glorified. I had a moment of prayer last week where I said to Him, "If I must go through this much hurt, stress, loss and pain, then You have to use it for your glory! That's my only desire!"
When you get to be my age, (and that's pretty old haha) you begin to realize what really matters in life. As I watch young people search for the meaning of life, I have come to an age where I have found it. The meaning of life is simply this: giving of yourself to God, and to others, and loving those God puts in your life with all your heart. We are placed here for one simple purpose. That purpose is not for ourselves, our happiness, or our own comfort. I know this first hand, because I am way out of my comfort zone right now! Rather, our purpose is to bring God glory. It is my deepest desire that the ripple effect my life has on others is to point them to a deeper relationship with God. The deeper your relationship with Him, the more you trust Him when you're in the fire.
The end of my story has yet to be told. I have countless people praying for miracles, for my strength, for me to have wisdom, and for my healing. You can't even begin to know how much I love you all, and how important your prayers are to me and my family. But when all is said and done, at the root of it all, I want to know that God receives glory. After all, that's our purpose in life. When you go through the fire, you can hold on to Him, trust Him completely, give Him praise, and long for His glory, too.
Much love everyone! You are more dear to me than ever! I treasure each of you more than you know!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Health update
About 2 weeks ago, I had an ultra sound done on my leg to see if my blood clot was stable enough for me to move forward with surgery. After talking things over with my radiologist, and then my Dr, we made an amazing discovery!
A long, long time ago, I had another blood clot. This one was in my thigh, in a main blood vessel. It only took me a second to remember having this blood clot. It was right after Lindsay was born. I had every symptom of a major blood clot, but my obstetrician misdiagnosed it! While talking to my Dr, he told me that blood clots in this exact location is the #1 cause of death in women after child birth! God spared my life! What an overwhelming thought! God used His healing power to spare my life. No medicine! No doctors! Pure God and His healing power!
We found from this ultra sound that my current blood clot is stable, and becoming "old" tissue. So I got the go ahead from my Internist and my Gynecologist to move forward with surgery. (a complete and total hysterectomy, done with robotics) Because this surgery is a major gynecology surgery, there is danger in me developing another blood clot in my thigh where the 24 year old clot was. There is also danger of me developing clots in other locations. I asked my Internist, once again, if there was any alternative we could try before we moved forward with this surgery. He assured me that everything has been done that could be done. And nothing is working, so surgery is the next step.
It has taken me a few days to 'chew' on this new knowledge. I obviously have known that I am at risk to develop new blood clots with any surgical procedure. But realizing the danger with this future surgery has taken me a few days to take in. One of my dear friends said to me "Kim, God saved your life without you even knowing it many years ago. He will do it again. I have NO DOUBT!" I'm drawing on her confidence and encouragement, and my confidence and faith in God. He has given me peace that this road may be rocky at times, but I will come out of it just fine. :)
Last week I saw my surgeon, Dr Depasquale, for my first visit. He was kind, and understanding, and knowledgeable in preventing blood clots. He called my Internist and they devised a plan that included aggressive treatment with Lovenox injections (yuck!) and Coumadin before and after surgery. Hopefully this will prevent new clots after surgery. No guarantees, but it's the best option for me. We did discuss placing a mesh filter in an artery temporarily until I am past the danger. Then it would be removed. This would give me peace of mind, and added protection, but would also mean 2 more procedures to go through. So, as of today, I have decided against it.
He could not do my surgery until Feb 22. I was disappointed, as I am ready to move forward with all this. I have been sick since late summer, first with the gynecology problems, then with the blood clot that was the result of a minor surgery, and then again with the gynecology problems. This adventure has become difficult emotionally as well as physically. Since we know God is building endurance through all this, I will be the toughest, strongest woman you know when all this is over :) haha We are praying for a cancellation and an earlier date, but God knows best.
Thank you for your prayers. I will keep you updated.
But for now, my prayer request are:
*Emotional peace, and strength to get through this time of waiting and anticipation.
*An earlier surgery date
*My family, as this is difficult on all of them. My parents, with Mom's health problems, this is causing them extra stress.
*No complications after the surgery. Because my blood will be so thin, that brings the danger of internal bleeding, and other complications.
*I really really want to come home quickly. With NO complications, I can come home the same day. With complications, it can mean a hospital stay of a few days. Of course, I'll stay if that's what's best to keep me stable, and safe. But the sooner I can get home, the happier I'll be :)
A long, long time ago, I had another blood clot. This one was in my thigh, in a main blood vessel. It only took me a second to remember having this blood clot. It was right after Lindsay was born. I had every symptom of a major blood clot, but my obstetrician misdiagnosed it! While talking to my Dr, he told me that blood clots in this exact location is the #1 cause of death in women after child birth! God spared my life! What an overwhelming thought! God used His healing power to spare my life. No medicine! No doctors! Pure God and His healing power!
We found from this ultra sound that my current blood clot is stable, and becoming "old" tissue. So I got the go ahead from my Internist and my Gynecologist to move forward with surgery. (a complete and total hysterectomy, done with robotics) Because this surgery is a major gynecology surgery, there is danger in me developing another blood clot in my thigh where the 24 year old clot was. There is also danger of me developing clots in other locations. I asked my Internist, once again, if there was any alternative we could try before we moved forward with this surgery. He assured me that everything has been done that could be done. And nothing is working, so surgery is the next step.
It has taken me a few days to 'chew' on this new knowledge. I obviously have known that I am at risk to develop new blood clots with any surgical procedure. But realizing the danger with this future surgery has taken me a few days to take in. One of my dear friends said to me "Kim, God saved your life without you even knowing it many years ago. He will do it again. I have NO DOUBT!" I'm drawing on her confidence and encouragement, and my confidence and faith in God. He has given me peace that this road may be rocky at times, but I will come out of it just fine. :)
Last week I saw my surgeon, Dr Depasquale, for my first visit. He was kind, and understanding, and knowledgeable in preventing blood clots. He called my Internist and they devised a plan that included aggressive treatment with Lovenox injections (yuck!) and Coumadin before and after surgery. Hopefully this will prevent new clots after surgery. No guarantees, but it's the best option for me. We did discuss placing a mesh filter in an artery temporarily until I am past the danger. Then it would be removed. This would give me peace of mind, and added protection, but would also mean 2 more procedures to go through. So, as of today, I have decided against it.
He could not do my surgery until Feb 22. I was disappointed, as I am ready to move forward with all this. I have been sick since late summer, first with the gynecology problems, then with the blood clot that was the result of a minor surgery, and then again with the gynecology problems. This adventure has become difficult emotionally as well as physically. Since we know God is building endurance through all this, I will be the toughest, strongest woman you know when all this is over :) haha We are praying for a cancellation and an earlier date, but God knows best.
Thank you for your prayers. I will keep you updated.
But for now, my prayer request are:
*Emotional peace, and strength to get through this time of waiting and anticipation.
*An earlier surgery date
*My family, as this is difficult on all of them. My parents, with Mom's health problems, this is causing them extra stress.
*No complications after the surgery. Because my blood will be so thin, that brings the danger of internal bleeding, and other complications.
*I really really want to come home quickly. With NO complications, I can come home the same day. With complications, it can mean a hospital stay of a few days. Of course, I'll stay if that's what's best to keep me stable, and safe. But the sooner I can get home, the happier I'll be :)
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