I am by far going through the most difficult time in my life right now. God is teaching me so much through this journey. I am embracing every word He is speaking into my life. It is a painful journey, both physically and emotionally. At times, it feels like it will never end. There was a day this past week that I literally prayed to Him, saying simply this: "You promised you would not give us more than we can bear. I am at my limit! I can not bear any more right now!" Guess what? The load eased.
I began to see glimmers of hope in my darkness. I began to be encouraged by acquaintances, close friends, and family. The out pouring of love has brought me to tears day after day. My heart has been so encouraged. At times I can feel myself soaring on His wings, because of all the love and encouragement I have received.
Through all the love, I have come to realize one major theme. Our lives have a ripple effect. Everything we say or do is passed along to someone else, and influencing them, whether it is in a good way or a bad way. People are watching. And they are following your footsteps.
I have had many struggles with failures over the years. I am certainly not a perfect person. And my sin has had a ripple effect. I have had to come to terms with areas I have failed. I have had to humble myself, confess my sins, apologized and turn from my failures. I have also been so uplifted and humbled to realize that there has been positive ripple effects during my journey on others that I didn't even realize were watching. You see, God doesn't love us because we are perfect, or stop loving us when we fail. God loves us for who we are. He loves us simply because we are His. I am readily accepting His unconditional, unending love.
It is my deepest desire, as I walk through this fire, that God be glorified. I had a moment of prayer last week where I said to Him, "If I must go through this much hurt, stress, loss and pain, then You have to use it for your glory! That's my only desire!"
When you get to be my age, (and that's pretty old haha) you begin to realize what really matters in life. As I watch young people search for the meaning of life, I have come to an age where I have found it. The meaning of life is simply this: giving of yourself to God, and to others, and loving those God puts in your life with all your heart. We are placed here for one simple purpose. That purpose is not for ourselves, our happiness, or our own comfort. I know this first hand, because I am way out of my comfort zone right now! Rather, our purpose is to bring God glory. It is my deepest desire that the ripple effect my life has on others is to point them to a deeper relationship with God. The deeper your relationship with Him, the more you trust Him when you're in the fire.
The end of my story has yet to be told. I have countless people praying for miracles, for my strength, for me to have wisdom, and for my healing. You can't even begin to know how much I love you all, and how important your prayers are to me and my family. But when all is said and done, at the root of it all, I want to know that God receives glory. After all, that's our purpose in life. When you go through the fire, you can hold on to Him, trust Him completely, give Him praise, and long for His glory, too.
Much love everyone! You are more dear to me than ever! I treasure each of you more than you know!
