While staring in the mirror, getting ready for church, she began practicing her smiles. There's her "I'm doing great. How are you?" smile. There's the "I've missed you, too. We must have lunch soon" smile. The "My life couldn't be better. God is good." smile. And then " I feel wonderful. So good to see you! How are you?" smile.
All along, she's dying inside. Her heart is breaking. She believes the Scriptures, lives her life righteously, trust God in all things, and yet this gnawing pain will not go away. It comes and goes. Some days are better than others, but it's always felt somewhere deep inside. She's given it to God, worshiped Him, thanked Him even during the hurt, trusted Him with her life and all she is feeling. Yet, it's still there.
She quickly wipes a tear as it falls down her face, not wanting to mess up her makeup, or have her mascara drip. The sooner she can leave, the better it will be. While at church, it's much easier to put that smile on her face, encourage others, and redirect her pain into something good.
But the questions still linger. He found someone new. He found a better family, better children, and better friends. Are they sweeter, prettier, or more fun? They must have been worth walking away from her. What did she do wrong that caused him to leave? Yet she is his own flesh and blood.
Her mind drifts back to a conversation she had with him when she was a young teen. "Will you please come home from 'work' earlier, and maybe spend more time with me?" "Sure baby. Anything for you" he replied. One more broken promise. One of many broken promises. One more thing that still stings. The hurt and lies run through her mind over and over. Lies about herself, lies about other things. Erasing the tapes is easier said than done.
She has many friends and family. She is blessed to be loved and cared for by so many wonderful people. Yet it continually gnaws at her heart- the one who should have loved her most, failed her. What was wrong with her and her family? Yes, it would have taken hard work, but wasn't she worth fixing things?
Gathering her thoughts and emotions, the church service is amazing. God's presence enters the room like a blanket wrapping His arms around her. As she leaves, the pain she felt earlier lessens. Her smile is genuine now. Feeling lighthearted, she continues with her day, laughing, singing and spending time with loved ones.
God IS good. He IS faithful. Whether she sees it or feels it every second of the day, He never leaves her side. Looking back, she realizes that she is loved more than any man could ever love her. Her Heavenly Father adores her. He keeps all His promises. And He will never leave.
Note from me:
Dear friends, as I write this fictional story, I realize that even though life doesn't go the way we think it should, God never changes. Life certainly changes. It has it's ups and downs, good times and bad times. Sometimes sorrow pins us to the floor for a while. But there's always a light, dim as it may seem, at the end of the tunnel. Christians, let's get real with one another. We all suffer. Let's allow the church to be a safe place to laugh and to cry. Let's bring our hurts and pain before Him, surrounded by fellow Christians, and love one another through every part of life, no matter how big or small. Can we do that? No gossiping about our brothers and sisters in Christ, no sharing "prayer request" in order to gossip in a Christian manner. Together we can work on it, anyway. Together we can creat a safe haven for all who need a place to come and open up. We can't always fix the pain, but we sure can make the load lighter with a hug, kiss, or encouraging words. Let's do what God has called us to do. Let's be the true church, which means love.
Much love everyone,
Kim
