the little things

Thursday was just one of those days. You know the kind... I felt out of sorts when I woke up. As the morning wore on, I found myself feeling a bit anxious and simply overwhelmed. The stresses of life had been weighing on me all week, and it seemed that it had all piled up that morning.

As I got in my car that morning to head to work, I could feel the sting of the tears that were about to surface. My mind raced to the woman that was behind me at a stop light a couple of weeks ago. As she sat there, she was crying her eyes out. I prayed for her at that moment, and have prayed for her a few times since. I remember on Thursday, briefly thinking that I hoped if I lost it while driving, like she did, God would lay it on the heart of someone to pray for me. And, of course, like any woman worth her salt,  I thought about my mascara! I was headed to work after all, and I didn't want to look like a total mess all day! :)

As I pulled out of the garage, something rather odd happened. There was a work crew of prisoners at the end of our driveway. Let me explain. We live in a typical East Brainerd subdivsion. Nothing fancy. But in my 13 years of living here, I have never seen a work crew in our neighborhood. As I pulled out of my driveway, I noticed how dirty the prisoners looked. Their orange jumpsuits were literally filthy. Pity filled my heart for them. And then, all of a sudden, one of them turned and waved and smiled at me, as if he wanted to lift my spirits.  This may seem silly to other people, but God used that man to lift my heart. I drove past him, and said a prayer for him. Then went on to ask God to do something through me on that day. I knew that anything good that came of me, would be through Him and Him alone, because I was a mess.

When I arrived at work, I was immediately met with the smiles and laughter of my co-workers. Shortly afterwards, I got a big hug from one of our children. All of this may seem so small to other people. But can I just say, God used each and every moment that day to lift my heart up. A visit from my friend, Kyle, seeing an old friend, Dot, a visit from Lindsay, a laugh with several of my friends, kind words spoken unexpectedly, and unexpected call from my son...it all added. By the time I left work that day, I was regaining my strength. I was physically exhausted, but God used those moments to lift me out of my discouraged mood.

Why am I telling you all this? I just wanted to share, once again, and forever more, what an awesome God we serve. He is awesome in the huge miracles he performs. But He is also awesome in the little things. And He is awesome, even if He does nothing at all. He is God, and worthy of all praise.

Here's what's been on my mind...

I have always heard that God speaks in themes. When He keeps bringing up the same subject over and over, you had better pay attention. The past month He has had a big theme going on in my life. I can not even begin to tell you how many random conversations that I have had on this one subject. Really, countless people who are totally separate relationships in my life have brought this subject up. I can not tell you how many sermons I have heard about it. And I joined a discussion group on facebook, and what was the subject? You got it! The same thing He's been speaking to me and countless other people about lately. The subject is "What is the 'church' supposed to look like? What can we, as Christians, do to reach out to people who don't know Christ? How can we become more effective in our culture today? How can we be relevant in the world we live in?"

I am hearing this over and over. It all started, for me, when Daniel moved home this summer. He came home some what disillusioned over traditional Christianity, and the traditonal church. We had many conversations about his view of what church has become, and what he believes church should be. And, you know what? I have to say, I agree with him. While I was raised extremely traditional, in a Southern Baptist Church, (and I do love my church, and my upbringing), I totally understand what he is saying. Yes, I am learning to listen a little more, and open my mind to a new way of thinking, even at my age! haha :)

Please, don't ever misunderstand me. The message of Christ, and the truth of the Word never changes.  I will never depart from His truths. And for many people, many of my family members included, traditional church services are exactly what they love, and exactly where they need to be.

But it seems that there is a new need in our culture. A need for something that isn't traditional. A need for a place where totally 'unchurched' people would feel completely comfortable, and totally loved and excepted no matter what their baggage, no matter where they have been. A need for showing Christ love in a far more effective way, to those that need it most.

Do I have the answer to this on going dilemma? Absolutely not! I wish I did! But, I feel that, with how many people are discussing this right now, God is moving and speaking. And I pray that I can figure out where I can fit into His plan. And that I can be open to change, (and yes! this will take some change!) as He leads His people to a major rethinking, and a major awakening, and possibly, a major movement of His people truly becoming His hands and feet...

Oh, summer....it's been interesting...

What a summer! Whew! I am worn out just thinking about it. We celebrated Lindsay's graduation from Lee University, our 25th wedding anniversary, went on the vacation of a life time, lost a very close friends son suddenly and unexpectedly, shed many tears, had a back injury (Paul), a heel injury (me), got a new puppy, gave back the same new puppy, said goodbye to some people, said hello to a few new friends, and got reacquainted with a few people ...Its been crazy! It's been a lot of fun mixed with some deep grief and loss. My potpourri of emotions have had me on overload at times.

Oh, and did I mention that I 'welcomed' home my son, after his first year of living away from home. This transition hasn't always been smooth. Ok, let me be honest. At times we wanted to kill each other! haha I really haven't known what to do with him. He's mostly a grown man, but at times, he still needs me to be mom. We have had a few arguments, I must admit. Again, let me be honest here...more than a few arguments... I had a friend tell me once that its really hard when they come back home. I thought to myself, "Not with my kids...we're not like that.." I welcomed Lindsay home from her first semester a few years ago and we breezed right through it,  as if she'd never been away. And then came Daniel. Boy, was my friend ever right! It's been a hard adjustment.

As usual, Daniel has taught me so much. He can get me to think outside the box better than anyone I know. I love him for that, and for so many other reasons. He is an awesome young man. This summer he has taught me that its OK to question your faith, and have questions for God about the Bible. He has, once again, reminded me of acceptance for people that are different from me. He has taught me that I am extremely controlling when he is driving. :) haha (Well, actually that's nothing new. He has just reminded me of it over and over! haha) He is teaching me to pick my battles, and not to make a big deal over things that aren't a big deal.

But, most importantly, he has reminded me that the love of Christ reaches so much further than the church walls. He has reminded me that Christ loves sinners and that while on earth, He walked with sinners. He has reminded me that, in order to be an effective Christian, I need to love those that look nothing like me, those that talk nothing like me, and that act nothing like me. He reminds me that we don't have to compromise our beliefs in order to reach out to others.

Will Daniel and I continue our conflict? Most likely. Probably. While I will never change or compromise my core beliefs and values, I am so thankful that Daniel reminds me that sometimes I have to reevaluate things, and that change is good. It often takes change in order to grow. And there's nothing wrong with that! 

Much love everyone! Thanks for joining me in my quest to be real!

"some times the hardest things and the right things are the same.."

We adopted the most wonderful puppy this week. She came to us with much prayer and thought and planning. We had actually been thinking about adopting a puppy for several months, but I wanted to wait until we got home from vacation so I could devote all the time to her that she needed until she was house trained. I found her online at a Pet Rescue place. The second I saw her picture, I was in love. And, sure enough, when I saw her in person she was everything I had prayed for. Smart, cute, funny, and loving. Ellie had it all.
But, sadly, when we brought her home, Gordon (our older rescue dog) didn't feel the same about her. You see, Gordon has a terrible track record with other dogs. He likes them okay when they are outside our home, but when they step inside the door, pure hatred takes over. Gordon tried to kill our Schnauzer twice. But, I honestly thought when he met this precious little puppy, he would take her in. I was wrong. As time wore on, I could see the hatred building in his eyes. I knew, without a doubt, that he would kill her if we ever turned our back on them. Ellie was getting afraid. I was afraid. So, we made the very difficult decision to return her to her rescue home.
I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that returning my precious puppy was the right thing to do. But, as Lindsay drove away with her, I cried my eyes out. Later, Lindsay said something very wise, I think. "She was the right puppy, but it was the wrong time". So true.
As always, I look back at the events of this past week, and try to figure out what God was up to. I always want to know what I can take away from something like this, and how I can grow from it.
I am not sure all He had in mind with this turn of events. But I did learn somethings from Ellie's personality.
Ellie loved us from the second she saw us. She loved us with unconditional, fearless love. When she heard our voices, she lit up like a Christmas tree. When we left the room, she looked highly disappointed. She made me feel so important. She got to know each one of us quickly. She knew our voices as soon as she heard us speak. She listened to everything we said to her with bright eyes. She was the picture of true love. She was the picture of the love that God has for us. She treated us the way God intends for us to treat each other; with value, excitement, and true love.
I fall short of this standard so often, more than I care to admit. Yet my Father still loves me with that kind of love, and so much more. That is hard for me to take in at times...actually, most of the time. He is excited when I talk to Him. He loves to listen to my heart. His love is far more unconditional than any love I could dream of or ever give. I am reminded of the hymn that says "Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me?"

So, for my little Ellie, I pray she finds a home more wonderful that we could ever give her. And, as for what I learned, I pray I can begin to take in and understand Gods love for me, and someway, somehow, share that kind of love with others...