Simplifying...

I was thinking the other day about how simple life used to be... before the days of internet, cell phones, etc. The very things that were invented for us to make our lives easier, in reality, complicate our lives so much more. Many of my days are now filled with checking my email, facebook, texting, sending out tweets, and sending people messages. There is nothing more annoying than trying to have an important or meaningful conversation with someone while they are texting! (pet peeve of mine ha!)

Yes, there are things that have, in some ways, made life easier. I spend much less time at the mall scrambling at the last minute to finish my Christmas shopping. I go online to grab a quick devotion on days that are hurried, so that I can still start my day thinking on God, even when I'm rushed. I have been able to keep up with old friends that I would have lost contact with, and I have made new friends through facebook. I have shared prayer request, and prayed for people that have shared things with me over the internet. I found great recipes, read articles, and found sale adds online. So, yes, there are many wonderful things about this world we live in now.

Once I decided to eliminate the process of shopping for a refrigerator by doing all the shopping for brands, comparing prices, and reading reviews online. That, in and of itself, is a good idea. I highly recommend doing all the research for a product online. But my mistake came when I decided the process was so easy and comfortable, that I would just go ahead and purchase one online, too. My new frig was delivered the next day. I was very happy about it, until I realized it was the same size as my old frig, just shaped different. Now I am stuck with a frig that is way too small for all the orange juice, milk, iced tea, and other foods and beverages that we keep in stock! And, as long as we keep things around here, I feel like I'll be married to this refrigerator for the rest of my life! Needless to say, I would not recommend buying appliances online, sight unseen!

My daughter, Lindsay, and I were talking the other day about her camping trips. She was telling me about how,when she left the woods from a backpacking trip and turned her cell phone on, she almost felt disappointed that her time away from all our luxuries were over. I was remembering, too, about when my son, Daniel, came home from his mission trip in Honduras a couple of years ago, he hardly picked his phone up for a few weeks. He seemed much less hurried during those few weeks, and much more at peace in his life.

All of this has me wondering today about how much I miss hearing from God because of my time spent with my 'conveniences'. How many opportunities do I miss for a good conversation with someone, or reaching out to a stranger, because I am so busy living in cyberspace? How often am I so busy sending a text or tweeting about whats going on that maybe I am missing the real purpose God has for me at that time.

One of my friends commented this morning that she was listening to the birds and 'being still'. I miss those times way too much, I think.

So today I am contemplating how I can simplify my life. I am wondering how I can slow things down. How can I find balance between using the wonderful world of convenience that I have at my fingertips, and living life more in the moment with the people that are right around me.

God uses these things I have for His good, very often. However, there's a time and place to shut it down and be in the moment. It's all about balance, don't you think?

^{Psalm 46:10}
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
 I will be exalted in the earth.”

There's healing in Your wounds..

I am going to be as transparent as possible today. Sometimes life just hurts.The truth is, today is just one of those days. We're brokenhearted, bewildered, confused, hurt, and missing people we love. For one reason or another, we have lost a lot of people that were so incredibly vital to our lives just a few months ago. And we still love them. Today, we are missing them and feeling the loss.

When I started this blog, I asked you to join me on my journey through life. Victory, happiness, and excitement are all part of it. And so is hurt, loss, and brokenness. God has really been showing me lately that its okay to grieve, be sad, and hurt. Christ did all of that. I think, in the name of being 'a woman of God', I often try to "stay strong". God is teaching me that 'staying strong' is a form of pride. Following Him means that when we go through difficult times, we cry, and we hurt, and we allow Him to lead us, guide us, and heal our broken hearts. And that's what I am choosing today. I am choosing to trust Him, worship Him, and allow Him to heal.

I just read this! I can not wait to see what He's going to do! :) Love you all! I'm so happy you're here with me!

Psalm 147
1 Praise the LORD! How good it is to sing praises to our God; for he is gracious, and a song of praise is fitting.
2 The LORD builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
3 He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.
4 He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names.
5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.
6 The LORD lifts up the downtrodden; he casts the wicked to the ground.
7 Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre.
8 He covers the heavens with clouds, prepares rain for the earth, makes grass grow on the hills.
9 He gives to the animals their food, and to the young ravens when they cry.
10 His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the speed of a runner;
11 but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.

Because your love is better than life....

Today was one of those days. It was a great day. But when I came home, I was exhausted. I was thinking, on the way home, that I wasn't going to cook tonight. We'd just have sandwiches or something easy. Then it happened. I got a phone call from my son, Daniel. "Mom, uhhh, are you by any chance cooking tonight? Me and Sam were thinking of eating at our house... so, I was just wondering...." Immediately, my mind went into cooking mode and I began planning the menu. I was thinking "What can I pull together for Daniel? And I haven't seen Sam in a while...this is going to be fun!!"

You see, most of you probably know my daughter, Lindsay. She loves to be in a crowd of people, loves having her picture made, loves being on stage, and loves being mentioned in my blog. But you might not know Daniel. He and I are so much alike. Daniel hates having his picture taken, (I couldn't even find a recent picture of him for this post) he hates being the center of attention, hates large parties and will probably hate that I am writing this blog about him.

But after that phone call this afternoon, I started thinking about him. Daniel is the one that makes our family interesting. Daniel has almost always challenged me, on every level. When he was younger, challenged me on rules, chores, where he goes to school, what time curfew is, where he shops, who he dated, and so on. Now that he's grown, he still challenges me. He is the one that will have the controversial opinion about any subject that I am main stream on. And yet, even as I am writing this, he just called and said "Mom, Sam left his stuff at our house. Is there any way you would meet us halfway and bring his stuff to us?" It was 10pm. I was just about ready for bed, and more exhausted than ever. But I got in the car and drove to meet them. Don't get me wrong. He is not spoiled. But he is just...well...Daniel. And I adore him. He is wonderful. And he stands by me through thick and thin. He makes me think outside the box. He gives to me sacrificially.  My relationship with him is intense but every bit as wonderful, joyful, fun and special as my relationship with Lindsay.

My relationship with Daniel reminds me of my relationship with God. I am not always God's most compliant child. Now, hear me out. I believe Him, I love Him, I trust Him completely. He is my everything, and I will follow Him no matter where He leads me. But I am often His child that challenges Him. I am often the one that says "Really? Do I have to go through this again? I thought I already learned this lesson." Or I am the one that cries and cries over pain or trials. I seem to take the longest to heal from a difficult time. I am just His slowest learner, I think!

And yet He loves me more than my mind can grasp. Just like I love Daniel more than he will ever know, God loves and adores me even more! I would do anything for Daniel. I will go to the ends of the earth for him. And God loves me even more than that! God gave His Son to die for me! I can hardly take it all in! I can't grasp His sacrifice. But He is amazing and wonderful, and I am so grateful that I am His favorite!!! (and so are you!! we are all His favorites!!) Just imagine that...

Psalm 63:3-4 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
      how I praise you!
  I will praise you as long as I live,
      lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

Who I am hates who I've been...

*I have wrestled with this blog. Even as I publish it, I am feeling very vulnerable and uncomfortable. I actually wrote this a few days ago, and considered not publishing it. But I feel like I am supposed to, so here goes. I hope it touches someone.... Love to you all...*

I have come to realize something about myself. I don't give up on people. Maybe to a fault. Maybe there are people that I should give up on. Other people give up. But I just can't seem to do it. Often times, this has caused me a lot of pain. I have held out hope for people. Then they disappoint me. But then, somehow, I seem to gather up more hope and give them another chance. I will go through the cycle again and again. I will even say "That's it! I'll never allow them to do that again." And God whispers to my heart, "Child, I never gave up on you. I placed this person in your life for a reason. I am calling you to pray for them. I haven't given up on them. I am working. Your prayers, while the results may be unseen, are being heard and answered".

I have been wondering why I am like this? Once God burdens me for someone, I am like a pit bull. I have someone on my heart today that God placed there many months ago. I am not particularly close to this person, yet I pray for them every day. My prayer for them has been simple. "Father God, please make them into someone that walks with You. Someone that walks worthy before You. Someone that is completely content with You and You alone." Why do I pray for them like this? Because they are so much like me when I was in my 20's. Here's a bit of my story...

When I was young, I was very foolish. My identity was in whom ever I was dating or my friends. I was married and divorced by the time I was 21. That started me down a road of destruction. I didn't know who I was. I didn't give a lot of thought to what my actions were doing to the people that loved me. As a result, I hurt a lot of people. Most people gave up on me. The people in my church turned their backs on me. Many friends walked away, and I don't blame them. Some family members gave up. Then one day, it was as if God opened my eyes. I was sick of myself, the pain I was in, and the pain I'd caused. I got on my knees that day, in my apartment, all alone. I told God that I was willing to follow Him any where He led me. I cried out about how tired I was of myself. I told Him I'd do whatever He wanted me to if He would only give me peace. I got up off my knees a brand new woman. I felt different. I looked different. I thought differently. I finally had what I'd been searching for all along. I had true love. Love that would never fail. And I had such peace and joy. Everyone around me knew it. It was a life changing day!

I believe with all my heart, that there were people that God called to pray for me. To this day, I don't know who they were. But I believe that there were a handful of people who never gave up. That's why I keep on praying, and won't give up. Thank you to anyone, and everyone who never stopped praying for me. It probably seemed hopeless, but it wasn't! I am in love with Christ because you prayed!

It seems to me that people give up so easily.Times get hard, or someone doesn't behave the way we think they should, or circumstances change, and we just walk away. We just give up. We let them go. Love, and friendship is so valuable. When God honors us with the gift of love, (whether a friendship, a family member, or romantic love) don't give up when its hard. Don't just walk away. If its true love, its worth the fight, and the pain.

And one last, but most important thing. Thank you, Sherri, for never ever giving up on me. I know it was hard, but you always loved me. You never gave up. And because you didn't stop loving me, we are closer now than we have ever been. Forty years of love, friendship, laughter, grief, good times, and bad times, and we are still best friends. What would I ever do without you? What if you had given up? I am so thankful you didn't. I love you, for time and eternity :)

Psalm 33:22
 May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
   even as we put our hope in you.

Lessons learned in Walmart

I spend way too much time at Walmart. I am there several times a week. Sometimes I am just "running in for a couple of things." And $200 later, I have my couple of things, and 50 more items. And sometimes I am there buying a full order of groceries, dreading the trip there, dreading loading and unloading all those little plastic bags, dreading trying to cram it all in my pantry and cabinets. (We are 'kitchen challenged' around here. Not much space.)

I always enjoy observing my fellow shoppers when I am there, though. And have you ever noticed? When you go with no make up on, or without showering first, or in your worst clothes, you always run into someone you know!  And its usually not just anyone, but a person you haven't seen in years, or a fellow church member, or someone that is always fixed up to their best. And you try to dodge them, immediately thinking about how bad you look. But they always end up on the same isle with you. They never seem to mind how you look. They are just happy to see you. Then you feel bad for dodging them. And it most always lifts your spirits.

I am remembering a night last winter. The temperature was dropping. It was raining. And the roads were starting to ice over. It was about 10pm, and I realized that Gordon was out of dog food. He couldn't go hungry so I had to make the trip to Walmart. I was upset that I was the one that had to make the trip out that night. And I was nervous about the drive. I hurried in, forgetting how heavy a large bag of dog food is. So I didn't stop to get a cart. The dog food is in the very back of the store. So I grabbed a 20lb bag of food, and some hamster food and rushed to the cashier. Apparently everyone in Chattanooga had the same idea because the lines were backed up several people deep. By now, the dog food seemed to weigh about 50lbs. My arms and hands hurt. I was mad that no one at home had volunteered to make this journey. And I was frustrated with myself for not buying dog food on my last trip there (which was probably just the day before). I was almost in tears.

I chose the express lane and got in line, wondering how I would hold all this stuff for another 10 minutes. When all of the sudden, the young man in front of me turned around. Immediately his eyes softened. He smiled. Then very quickly unloaded his cart, and gave it to me to put my dog food in. I was so grateful to him! He was like a super hero to me at that moment! I am sure this kind young man has long forgotten this gesture. But I have carried it with me for months. I want to be the person that makes a sacrifice for a stranger. It seemed like a small gesture to him, but it took a load off me. I pray I will always remember to show the small gestures of love to those that God places in my path. It really can change a persons day. Maybe even their life....

My '06 Honda Accord. A love story.

Two years ago, we sat out to buy a car for me. Now, I LOVE car shopping! I love test driving cars (especially when the salesmen don't ride along with you). I love driving and assessing each car. Weird, I know, but I think its fun.
After driving what seemed like a million cars, our day was drawing to an end. We were getting very tired, and hungry. We had heard every bad line from every car salesman. It had been a long day. We were considering a brand new beautiful red Toyota Camry. I had always wanted a red car! The new car smell was about to win me over. I didn't love the way it drove. I am a Honda person. I've owned a Hondas for over 20 years, but this Camry was so pretty! Paul and I were talking about the price we would offer. Then, after talking, we decided to make one more stop, at one more car lot.
I had prayed about this car purchase. But I had made it perfectly clear to both God, and my family that all I wanted was an '08 Accord. I had shopped online before that day, and that's basically all I'd looked for.
If there was one point I had made very clear in my prayers to God, and to my family, it was that I DID NOT, under ANY circumstance, want a 2006 white Accord. I thought that model was ugly.(ha) Plus, my last car was white. I was tired of having a white car. I wanted something colorful or else a black car. And believe me, I knew best about my taste in cars. ;)
As we pulled into the final car lot that day, there it was! It was as if angels sang around it! The most gorgeous white 2006 Honda Accord!!! Leather seats, fully loaded! And in our price range! With payments that were exactly what we could afford to pay. I thought to myself, "No! This can't be!" We decided to take it for a test drive, after scouring the lot for something that was more my taste. The second we got in the car, it was as if God said, "This is your car!" WHAT???? We drove it about 4 miles, and in that 4 miles, I fell in love! Such a smooth ride, with more options than I had ever had on any car I'd owned. It was the most perfect car I'd ever driven! We brought my 2006 white Honda Accord home that night. :)
I have laughed about this test drive for the past 2 years. God has such a great sense of humor! This Accord is my favorite car ever. It makes me happy every time I get into it.
But, I have taken home with me such a greater lesson. We often don't get what we think we will get in life. I thought for sure I knew exactly what I wanted, and what I didn't want in my car search. Bu,t if we are following God, what we get is so much better than we could ever imagine! He always wants the very best for us.... better than we could ever dream for ourselves.
So, if you see me driving my little Accord and smiling, or singing to the top of my lungs, you'll know its because my Father gave me a car that was more than I could ever ask for!

Please don't fight these hands that are holding you....

Its been a difficult day. The destruction that is all around us, and the difficulties of the last few months have caught up with me. I walked through Walmart on the verge of tears, which was a embarassing at times. :)  I watched families restocking their groceries. Some looked like they hardly had a penny to their names. I wondered how they would make it for the next few weeks. I listened, as the cashier told me about stories that her customers had told her about their experiences in the storms. I watched our neighbor on the corner wondering around his yard, looking so hopeless. My precious Dad stopped and talked to him about Jesus this morning. Then Dad came to our house and tried to chop the limbs off the trees in our back yard so we could at least get out on our deck.

I was thinking how the landscape has changed around here. And so have the lives of everyone in our community. Things will never look exactly the same. Families have changed. Homes have changed. We've been robbed of our peace of mind, in some ways. Yes, hearts and emotions have changed.

My mind keeps wondering back to last May. What a wonderful time it was! Our home was filled with joy! I long for those days again. I hope I can write, in detail someday about all that happened back then. But for now, I have to keep it between me and God. Some things are best left that way.

Thankfully there are many good times, now, too. Its the little things, you know? A good cup of coffee or a glass of my iced tea, the party Gordon throws every time I come home, the crystal clear blue sky, sunsets, laughter, kind words from a stranger, one of my babies at work giving me a kiss as they leave with their mom, watching deer graze as we go for a drive at Enterprise South, friends checking in to make sure we're ok,  Yeah, its the little things....

As I ponder the day, I am reminded of a line in a song by Tenth Avenue North. "Please don't fight these Hands that are holding you. My Hands are holding you." All the plans that I have had for the past year have pretty much gone out the window. And now life comes down to trust. Do I fully trust the Hands that are holding me? Or do I fight against them? I choose to trust Him. Everything in His Word, everything in my past, and all the answered prayers tells me that He is truly completely trustworthy. He actually does greater than I could ever ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us)

Though I don't understand all that has happened over the past year, I will not fight the Hands that are holding me. For in these Hands there is safety, shelter, peace, and a plan that is so much greater than I could ever ask or think.

Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.