"I used to think that life came in seasons, that you would go through hard times, then things were good for a while and so on. I don't think that way anymore. Any and every day is full of both good and bad, weakness and strength. Some days the good out weighs the bad, and some days its the opposite. But there's some of both throughout life..."
My message went on with some deeply personal details. Then I explained to her that at the end of the day, my heart still breaks and I still cry over the same heartache I've had for over a year now. Again, I am not going into the details because its so deeply personal. This is the truth I have found, though. Yes, I have had an unexpected health issue that has put me on the sidelines for a while. Over time, other serious health problems have come into play, and now I'm into a full blown health crisis. But when I lay my head on my pillow, my health isn't what matters. Those I love are what matters most. They are who have my heart, and who I hold dearest when I lay my head on my pillow to sleep. True love and loved ones are what counts in life. Its not money, or fame, or prestige, or possessions. It's God, and the people He places in our lives to love.
I would NEVER have chosen to have a DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis. In simple English, a dangerous blood clot). I would never have chosen to be on leave from my job that I love so dearly. I would never have wanted to miss out on time with my wonderful friends, or miss a shopping outing with Lindsay. But God saw things differently. He needed me elsewhere for a while.
I have a wonderful wise friend named Patsy. Patsy had blood clots several years ago. She understands the treatment, and the pain I am in. She understands being sidelined from life as I knew it, because she had to go through the same thing. She understands the what its like to have your life change in a moment. So I have leaned on her a lot for the last few weeks. Patsy gave me some advice the first week I was sick. She explained to me that, in time, I would adapt to this new life I have to live. And life would go on and I would be OK. I have drawn off of that for weeks. Today I wrote to Patsy. Here's a little bit of what I said to her:
"Patsy, I draw on some advice you gave me when I first got this blood clot. Back then, I had no idea I'd be having the cysts and pain, too. You told me that we learn to adapt and be OK no matter what is happening to us. That is so true. Yes, it is frustrating to me some days, but God is so gracious.
I also have realized that He has used me in these new circumstances. One example: There is a lab tech at my Drs office. I don't even know her name. But we have talked a lot over the past few weeks. I learned that her husband died unexpected in Sept. Now she's a single mom, and its the holidays. I can see the grief all over her face. Time after time, in some supernatural way, I can see God brings her comfort when she and I talk. If I had never had a blood clot, I would never have gotten to know her, and her story.
There are other stories, and other moments or encounters that have happened where I have seen His hand, whether its Him using me, or Him using someone in my life. I NEVER wanted to leave my job, my co workers, or the kids at work. I love them all so much! If it were up to me, I would have continued on in my 'normal' life, working, spending time with my friends, hanging out with Lindsay, and going to church. I was perfectly content in my life. In some weird way, I have learned to see His beauty in these circumstances. I would NEVER have chosen this for myself, yet He is using it all for His glory. And that's what matters"
That pretty much sums up my journey so far. I am learning to embrace where I am, because the God of the universe appointed me to go through this. He had new lives He wanted to use me in. And he had a new journey for me and my own faith. He had new things for me to learn. One thing I am learning is to embrace the change He puts you in rather than fight against it, for He has a reason that is far beyond what we can see Him doing.
I would be remiss if I wrote today and didn't mention the tragedy our nation is enduring in Connecticut. I can not begin to imagine their pain. My lovely kids at work are just a little younger than those children. They are so innocent, so curious, and carefree at that age. In Connecticut, those kids got up this morning excited about Santa, and now their parents are suffering unimaginable grief.
Dear Heavenly Father, Bring the comfort and peace that only you can bring to those family. We do not understand it all, but we do know You are the God who can comfort. This crime is unspeakable, unimaginable. May we, as a nation, turn to you, the One True God, the only Hope we have. Blessed be Your Name.
Gods Word says this: 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)
" if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
Jesus, have mercy on our land. We have failed You. Bring repentance through this horrible tragedy. Amen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14c_sCyQ2Lo
Jesus, have mercy on our land. We have failed You. Bring repentance through this horrible tragedy. Amen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14c_sCyQ2Lo
