A Long Long Time Ago

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've written (and published) a blog. But tonight I have been in deep thought, and felt inspired by God. Most generally He allows me a time of growth, then He places a subject on my heart. Tonight is no different. I have been growing in Him, and now I need to write...So here goes...

A long long time ago when I was a young mother, I used to beg God for a mentor. I dreamed of having an older woman (about the age I am now, ha!) to have coffee with, study the Scriptures with, and someone who would teach me about life, how to raise my children and how to be the perfect wife. Beautiful dream, right?

This dream of mine never fell into place. In fact, I found myself struggling and learning in the school of hard knocks. I WAS very blessed to have teachers come into my life at various times who seem to have the very words I needed at the moment. I got to sit under the teaching of Jan Silvious, Bekita Heath, Beth Moore, Betty Robinson, and many many more.( I could name so many other personal friends but I'm afraid I would leave someone out. )These ladies listed above really never knew me, but I soaked up every word they spoke. Looking back now I see they were the mentors I craved when I was younger, and as I have grown they continue to teach me.

But God, in His wisdom had gone before me and made a plan for my life. In order to learn, I needed to experience life, the good times and the bad times. And yes, sometimes the most horrible times. Through out my life I began to learn who He is, how much He loves me, how to forgive, how to raise my children, how to love even when it wasn't returned. I learned the gift of forgiveness. I learned how to make it on my own, just me and Him. I have learned the art of letting go, and the art of loss. I've learned the true meaning of a vow, and how to hold on even when you want to break it. I've learned the pain of a broken heart and how to lean hard on Him to carry me through. Trust me, He's carried me through so much!

There is SO much more I have to learn. I am a piece of work in progress, that's for sure. I'm often a hot mess. (All my friends and family may say AMEN now!) I'm far from perfect. I do not know what my next life lesson will be. But now I can say with confidence, Savior, You will carry me. You will walk with me. You will show me the way. And You will use what You have taught me in the lives of others.

You see? That's why I never had coffee with the mentor I desperately craved years ago. I needed to learn about life while walking with Him. I needed to learn His riches for myself. And I must say, I have hardly touched the hem of what He has for me, and for others.

My prayer tonight is that someday I can mentor a young mom, a dear friend, or a stranger who needs His help. If you're out there, I'm here for God to use me in your life.

Much love! Kim

I've found my home here in Your arms

Today I asked a friend to give me his opinion on men, what they think of me, how I can improve, and so on... My heart was pounding as I waited for his answer. After he answered me I reflected on who I am and what I want out of life. The truth be told, I am satisfied with who I am.

There's always room to grow and improve. I feel I am always trying to become a better me, to love more, forgive more and understand others more. Yet I believe I am the woman God wants me to be. I'm far from perfect. But I am me! Unique, certainly. But I embrace my uniqueness. What if we were all created alike? Then there wouldn't be a unique life. Life would be boring and we would have no need for this individual journey He has us on. I'm grateful for the journey. It's beautiful, painful, full of grace, and growth. For that, I am so grateful. Today I am grateful that I am walking it on my own, just me and my God. He is so amazing!

I am happy I ask my friend his opinion. For in his thoughts I realized I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I didn't agree with all he said, but that's okay with me. For I know myself better, and during our conversation I realized that reflecting on who I am and what God thinks of me is what matters. Following Him is real life! He is my True Love for always and forever!

Three Years

As I am sitting here writing with Deacon, my Maltipoo, snuggled close to my side, I can hardly believe it's been three years! Three years since I had a DVT, major surgery, and then everything in my life completely came unglued. Divorce, empty nest, and so on. What I realize as I am writing is that my focus is no longer on what happened three years ago. Rather my mind is thinking, "Look what God did! Look how far He has brought me."

He has taught me all about the true meaning of forgiveness, strength, what true beauty is through His eyes. He has shown me how He views me as a woman created by Him, what total trust means, true faith, what true love looks like, to trust Him even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He has clearly shown me the meaning of true friendship, and just how blessed to call several people true friends. We have laughed together and cried many tears. He has taught me about His protection, to take a leap of faith even when I do not know where I will land. He taught me how to laugh again, and put a smile on my face that stems from the joy in my heart. I could go on and on about all I have learned from what seemed like failure in the moment.

I always thought I knew these things, but sitting here three years later I realize I did have a strong faith before. Now it has been tried and proven to be true. Trust me when I say I am far from perfect. I still struggle, fail, and get up and try again. Today I wanted to write about how far we've come. My circumstances that were so overwhelming three years ago now rarely enter my mind. My focus is on what is here and now, and where He wants me in the future.

On Friday I got news that launched another life change. But rather than calling or texting friends and family, I found myself on my knees thanking God for the circumstances that He had allowed me to be in, praising Him for putting me there, and thanking Him for where He would take me next. Yes there were many tears, but I knew in my heart He has a plan. Next I text a couple of prayer warriors and ask them for prayer. Today I realize that I have learned to run to God first, for He is the giver of peace.

I am writing this for one reason. I know many of you have walked this journey with my. While many things are still uncertain, and I still cry over various circumstances, I KNOW who holds today, tomorrow and my forever. I no longer live in regrets or fear. Now I live in the safety of my Refuge, my heavenly Father. If I can go through trials that were unthinkable five years ago, you can too! Just keep your eye on God and He will carry you. This is not a cliche' but a fact! For I have lived it... and now it's been three years. How time flies!

Much love everyone!