If We Didn't Know Pain, We Wouldn't Know Beauty

Over the past year I have had the privilege of being a co administrator for a NASCAR fan based group on Facebook called 24LIFE. We are all rooting for our driver, Chase Elliott. But to my surprise, this group has become so much more than a "fan page".

I'll never forget the day my two close friends, Donna, Keith and I decided to start this group. We worked for a few days figuring out what we wanted this group to look like, how we wanted to run it, and who all we hoped would join the group. We launched the page, started inviting friends and family who are NASCAR fans to join us, and then said a little prayer that we would have at least 20 members accept our invitation to have some fun together while cheering our driver on.

All along I think the 3 of us had a feeling that there was a bigger purpose for our little group, but for that day, we just hoped for a few members. And then they started coming. Twenty members the first day, then 30 and 40 and so on. We actually had to become a secret group on Facebook in order to cap off how many members we would have.

We are blown away every day by this little group of 200 members, men, women, young and "older", Chase Elliott Fans and fans of other drivers. These people never cease to amaze me. Here are a few things I've learned from 24LIFE.

Tolerance of everyone is a gift of love that I see everyday in our group.

We can all differ and yet all care so deeply.

Somedays the comedy is hilarious, and somedays we are all in tears together.

Online friendships are real and can become very deep when you open you life to others.

A word of encouragement goes a long way.

Forgiveness is a must in life.

If you need prayer, this group will gather around you and pray. Most of us have never met in person but we are prayer partners for life.

God can use a simple dream of a NASCAR group for His glory. I know this for a fact. I see Him in our group every day.

When we open our lives to others, the love comes back to us a thousand times over.

I think what sums up this past year, and our little FB group is a quote I read by Phillip LaRue.
"Life us a lot harder and more beautiful than I imagined when I was young. What a paradox. If we didn't know pain, we wouldn't know beauty."

Together we've seen our share of pain, sorrow, and loss. And together we had our share of joy, happiness, and victories. None of it had to do with NASCAR. All of it has to do with doing life together.


Much love to my 24LIFE friends and family, and much love to those who take time to read when I write.

The Waves and Winds Still Know His Name

It's been so long since I have written. But tonight, through a series of teachings, and some music I have been listening to, I feel so compelled to write. You see, if I have anything in me that I can share with you, then I want to do it. If I am struggling and someone else may have the same struggle, then lets go through it together. I want to share with you a very personal struggle that I am going through right now.

For me, I am battling fear. I am afraid to walk into those rooms full of people I do not know. I am afraid of dying alone. I have a fear of failure and a fear of rejection. Life has handed me a whole lot of fear over the past few years. I don't remember battling most of these fears when I was younger.  I think some of it came about when I became single. For the first year I was single, I was surrounded with so many people who were reaching out to me, holding my hand, and walking the journey into a new way of living with me. But over time, the new wore off for all of us. I seemed to be healing well from the scars that were left on my heart. And I started finding a new normal.

I have had a real unrest in my soul over the past few months though. I will call that unrest fear. I have become afraid. As God so often does, He brought some teachers into my life who confessed that they battle with fear. Through their confession, I am choosing to confess, also, that I battle with fear almost everyday of my life.

I watched Chonda Pierce's documentary last night, "Laughing in the Dark". At the end of the film she confessed a fear that punched me in the gut so hard. Why did it shake me to the core? Because I have the same fear. She confessed that she's afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid of dying alone, of having no one to hold my hand or care for me.

Tonight I watched a short live feed from Beth Moore. Low and behold, she was speaking on fear. She confessed that fear is one of her biggest battles. I suppose if Beth can say it out loud, and Chanda can say it out loud, then I can say it out loud, too. I think talking about it is one of the most effective ways of learning to conquer it. No, I'll probably never be completely free from fear, but my God will cover me in such a way that I can live my life and not miss out on the things He has for me. He and I can walk through fear together. One of those things He has for me is this confession. I believe that when I say it out loud, then others will completely understand, and begin to seek freedom from fear just like I am doing.

I will be praying this Scripture constantly.
Isaiah 41:10 says this:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I am choosing to proclaim this Scripture every time I feel afraid.Whether I am afraid of dying alone, going into a crowded room alone, or whatever my fear is, this verse will be the words that God speaks over my heart. After all, that's why He placed these words in the Scriptures. He placed them there for you and for me. He is speaking them over our hearts right now. Do Not Fear!!!! For I am Your God!!! Amen! Praise His name!
Will you walk this journey with me? After all, as the song by Bethel Music says"so let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and winds still know His name." When He says "Be still", our fears will be still, just like the waves and winds!

Much love! Kim

A Long Long Time Ago

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've written (and published) a blog. But tonight I have been in deep thought, and felt inspired by God. Most generally He allows me a time of growth, then He places a subject on my heart. Tonight is no different. I have been growing in Him, and now I need to write...So here goes...

A long long time ago when I was a young mother, I used to beg God for a mentor. I dreamed of having an older woman (about the age I am now, ha!) to have coffee with, study the Scriptures with, and someone who would teach me about life, how to raise my children and how to be the perfect wife. Beautiful dream, right?

This dream of mine never fell into place. In fact, I found myself struggling and learning in the school of hard knocks. I WAS very blessed to have teachers come into my life at various times who seem to have the very words I needed at the moment. I got to sit under the teaching of Jan Silvious, Bekita Heath, Beth Moore, Betty Robinson, and many many more.( I could name so many other personal friends but I'm afraid I would leave someone out. )These ladies listed above really never knew me, but I soaked up every word they spoke. Looking back now I see they were the mentors I craved when I was younger, and as I have grown they continue to teach me.

But God, in His wisdom had gone before me and made a plan for my life. In order to learn, I needed to experience life, the good times and the bad times. And yes, sometimes the most horrible times. Through out my life I began to learn who He is, how much He loves me, how to forgive, how to raise my children, how to love even when it wasn't returned. I learned the gift of forgiveness. I learned how to make it on my own, just me and Him. I have learned the art of letting go, and the art of loss. I've learned the true meaning of a vow, and how to hold on even when you want to break it. I've learned the pain of a broken heart and how to lean hard on Him to carry me through. Trust me, He's carried me through so much!

There is SO much more I have to learn. I am a piece of work in progress, that's for sure. I'm often a hot mess. (All my friends and family may say AMEN now!) I'm far from perfect. I do not know what my next life lesson will be. But now I can say with confidence, Savior, You will carry me. You will walk with me. You will show me the way. And You will use what You have taught me in the lives of others.

You see? That's why I never had coffee with the mentor I desperately craved years ago. I needed to learn about life while walking with Him. I needed to learn His riches for myself. And I must say, I have hardly touched the hem of what He has for me, and for others.

My prayer tonight is that someday I can mentor a young mom, a dear friend, or a stranger who needs His help. If you're out there, I'm here for God to use me in your life.

Much love! Kim

I've found my home here in Your arms

Today I asked a friend to give me his opinion on men, what they think of me, how I can improve, and so on... My heart was pounding as I waited for his answer. After he answered me I reflected on who I am and what I want out of life. The truth be told, I am satisfied with who I am.

There's always room to grow and improve. I feel I am always trying to become a better me, to love more, forgive more and understand others more. Yet I believe I am the woman God wants me to be. I'm far from perfect. But I am me! Unique, certainly. But I embrace my uniqueness. What if we were all created alike? Then there wouldn't be a unique life. Life would be boring and we would have no need for this individual journey He has us on. I'm grateful for the journey. It's beautiful, painful, full of grace, and growth. For that, I am so grateful. Today I am grateful that I am walking it on my own, just me and my God. He is so amazing!

I am happy I ask my friend his opinion. For in his thoughts I realized I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I didn't agree with all he said, but that's okay with me. For I know myself better, and during our conversation I realized that reflecting on who I am and what God thinks of me is what matters. Following Him is real life! He is my True Love for always and forever!

Three Years

As I am sitting here writing with Deacon, my Maltipoo, snuggled close to my side, I can hardly believe it's been three years! Three years since I had a DVT, major surgery, and then everything in my life completely came unglued. Divorce, empty nest, and so on. What I realize as I am writing is that my focus is no longer on what happened three years ago. Rather my mind is thinking, "Look what God did! Look how far He has brought me."

He has taught me all about the true meaning of forgiveness, strength, what true beauty is through His eyes. He has shown me how He views me as a woman created by Him, what total trust means, true faith, what true love looks like, to trust Him even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He has clearly shown me the meaning of true friendship, and just how blessed to call several people true friends. We have laughed together and cried many tears. He has taught me about His protection, to take a leap of faith even when I do not know where I will land. He taught me how to laugh again, and put a smile on my face that stems from the joy in my heart. I could go on and on about all I have learned from what seemed like failure in the moment.

I always thought I knew these things, but sitting here three years later I realize I did have a strong faith before. Now it has been tried and proven to be true. Trust me when I say I am far from perfect. I still struggle, fail, and get up and try again. Today I wanted to write about how far we've come. My circumstances that were so overwhelming three years ago now rarely enter my mind. My focus is on what is here and now, and where He wants me in the future.

On Friday I got news that launched another life change. But rather than calling or texting friends and family, I found myself on my knees thanking God for the circumstances that He had allowed me to be in, praising Him for putting me there, and thanking Him for where He would take me next. Yes there were many tears, but I knew in my heart He has a plan. Next I text a couple of prayer warriors and ask them for prayer. Today I realize that I have learned to run to God first, for He is the giver of peace.

I am writing this for one reason. I know many of you have walked this journey with my. While many things are still uncertain, and I still cry over various circumstances, I KNOW who holds today, tomorrow and my forever. I no longer live in regrets or fear. Now I live in the safety of my Refuge, my heavenly Father. If I can go through trials that were unthinkable five years ago, you can too! Just keep your eye on God and He will carry you. This is not a cliche' but a fact! For I have lived it... and now it's been three years. How time flies!

Much love everyone!

They Say.....

They say that we shouldn’t label all Muslims as evil, because many of them are good people. How do we know the difference by looking at them? Did you see the male shooter in San Bernadina? He looked like every other man I see.

They say we should ban guns, have strict gun control. I think we all agree on background checks when we buy a gun. But don’t we know that the bad guys will find a way to get a gun and mow people down? Law abiding citizens are the ones pay the cost for laws against guns, not the bad guys.

They say that guns kill. What about the people that Isis beheaded? Or the man that attacked in London. What about the homemade bombs in Boston? If you want to kill, you'll find a away. It doesn't have to be a gun.

They say we should not be allowed to carry a gun in public. I would hope that there’s a law abiding citizen near me carrying a gun, should I be at the mall, or theater, and a radical man or woman opens fire. At least we would all have a chance. Maybe the only one that would die would be the bad guy.

They say that we should not bring a gun into our work place. If someone had a gun at the Planned Parenthood Center, or in San Bernardina, is it possible that no one would have died except the crazy right wing man, or the radical Muslim who walked in freely and killed innocent people?

They say that guns are bad. People use guns to kill. Guns are not bad, people are bad.

They say that we should go about our lives not living in fear, because acts of terrorism are done to make us afraid. How do we do that? Do we not know that there are more acts planned. We are just too foolish to stop them?

They say that right wing people are crazy. They say that left wing people are too radical. Is it possible for us to meet in the middle? After all, we all have good points to make. Why must we be constantly divided?

They say that the God I serve isn’t the God of the Universe and He doesn’t really love us. If He did, why would so many bad things be happening? Is it possible that Satan is behind the bad things? And God grieves over our foolishness, and over watching the innocent die?

They say that God should be removed from our schools, sporting events, our pledge, and our anthem. Is it possible if we keep removing God from our nation, He will no longer honor our nation that was founded on Him?

Should we really believe all that they say? Or should we think for ourselves, stand up for our rights, and protect all that we have fought for over the years....

October

I believe October is one of my favorite months of the year. So much beauty here in Tennessee in October. The smell of leaves burning, the chill in the air, football games, and trips to the apple orchard all remind me of this special month.

At the same time there is a sense of nostalgia. It's a time that I do a lot of reminiscing, thinking back to the old days of driving my Chevelle around Ooltewah with my faithful friend, Sherri, who is still by my side, or homecoming at our high school, the parade down Main Street, the thrill of who would win homecoming king and queen. I recall long rides on my horse, Sundae, racking leaves then jumping in the pile, laughter ringing all around our home place.

October was the month my son was born. I remember so vividly the beauty of the leaves the day I left the hospital with my tiny baby boy. The Braves were in the World Series. I remember listening to my doctors talk about the upcoming game as they delivered Daniel. I remember the first look Lindsay got of her new little brother. She was beaming with excitement. She still beams with excitement every time she sees him.

Yes, October is truly a special month. This October is extra special for me. You see it was in October, 1985 that I got on my knees before God, alone in my apartment, promising Him I would give Him my entire life if He would give me peace. I stood up that evening a changed woman. I have never been the same since that evening. Thirty years ago. I began a journey in my life full of adventure, faith, valleys deep, and mountain tops, unexpected twists and turns, joy that can not be explained, peace that only God can give, and complete trust in the God of the Universe. What an amazing evening that was. What an amazing life it has been. No love can compare to the love I have for the One who has chosen me, the One who called me to be His child.

Yes! October is a glorious month! This October is especially glorious! It's my 30 year anniversary of the beginning of a life that will take me into eternity where I will see my Savior face to face. I just had to share this special occasion with each of you who give me the honor of reading what I write. As we all enjoy the beauty of the world around us, the laughter and fun that autumn brings, I hope somewhere in the back of your mind you will think of me, and celebrate along with me, thanking God for that day in October when my life changed forever.

To Him be all glory, and honor and praise!