Emily

I lost a friend today. I haven't seen her in several years but my love for her was always the same. You see, when I was a child, her family, Phil and Ed, and another family, the Olivers, and my family were the best of friends. We nicknamed ourselves The Hops (Huckabees, Olivers, and Price's) We barbequed together most every weekend, went swimming in the lake beside Phil and Emily's house, and vacationed together in Clearwater Florida every 4th of July Week.

Her son, Ed asked that all her friends write memories of her for his family. Where do I begin? So many memories. So many great times. But I'm going to give this a try....

Emily Huckabee was truly one of a kind. I have never known anyone like her. She was wonderful!

I do believe Emily had a sign on her house somewhere that said "all stray animals welcomed"! haha It seemed every time we were over there she had a new dog or cat that had roamed to her house. Phil always let her keep them. I can see him now, shaking his head and saying, "That's just Emily." She kept a supply of dog and cat food at all times for the animals God would send her way.

I remember the spider that she took up with. It slept on her pillow beside her head for a while. She woke up one morning and her spider had died. She was sad over losing her friend. Once she gave me a beautiful solid white kitten once. I'm sure she gave me several other animals over time. We shared the bond of loving all of God's Creation, and taking in strays any chance we had.

Laughter! The Huckabee's home was always full of laughter. It was a tiny little house but somehow we all fit in (all the HOPS). We were always welcomed. And they were always sad to see us leave. What great times we had together.

Our vacations were magical, at least in our eyes. We always stayed in the same motel, went swimming together, and ate together in the evenings. Emily loved to go looking for seashells at the beach early in the morning. One day she found a couple of large shells. She thought they were so beautiful! She brought them back to the motel and laid them on the dresser. During the night she woke up and saw her "shells" crawling across the dresser. Yes! They were very much alive! We all laughed and laughed over that for years to come!

There was the Kapok Tree Restaurant in Clearwater. Oh how Emily looked forward to our meal at the Kapok Tree! It was delicious! We could only afford to eat there once during our vacations so we saved it for the end of the week. We would spend our meal laughing and talking. Never a dull moment with "The Hops".

I remember when the Huckabees lost their beloved Phil. He died way too soon in a tragic accident. Emily lost the love of her life. Ed lost his beloved Dad. And we all lost a very dear friend. Life was never the same without Phil.

Emily, Ed and Phil attended Providence Baptist Church. Dad and I were laughing the other day about how we could always count on Emily to be the last one to show up for church. There may only have been 15 minutes left in the service, but she would still come in. It didn't bother her at all to be late. In fact, we all just expected her to be late, no matter where we were going. "That's just Emily" as Phil would say.

When my daughter was born, 26 years ago, Emily bought her a gift. She was very excited to get the gift to me. Twenty six years later, and I'm still waiting on that gift! haha She had such great intentions, but sometimes she had a hard time following through. No one minded though. We all knew how much she loved us. That's all that mattered.

Love. Unconditional love. Emily taught me about unconditional love. She loved everyone, no matter who they were or where they had been. She loved all of God's creatures. We were always welcomed in her home. And always left feeling loved.

I could share even more memories. Today I am so sad. Knowing that Emily was going home to be with Jesus, I was going to visit her one final time today. But she left this earth before I could make it. I am so sad that I didn't get to see her one last time. I am so sad that I didn't get to tell her what she meant to me and the difference she made in my life. We were both free spirits. Looking back now, I realize that because of Emily, I learned that being different, and being myself was perfectly Okay. God created everyone different. He broke the mold when he created Emily. She will live in my heart and mind until I die.

I love you Emily. Ed, I love you. And Phil, you are still missed. You made a mark on this world that won't be forgotten. So did Emily. With tears I say goodbye for now. But I will see you again someday. Emily and I will be on the side of Heaven that's full of animals! And once again we will laugh and be care free.

"Made to Love"

Today was a day like I have rarely ever seen. Grief over those injured and lost in that horrible car crash in Ooltewah, the prison escapee killed, grief over the lives lost in Charleston, and the passing of the law of gay marriage in every state in the US.

These events brought out many emotions in me. I must admit, the one emotion I felt the most was shame. I was ashamed of the hatred that many voiced so publicly. I was ashamed that a white man killed 9 lovely African American people while they were in a house of worship showing the killer love. I was ashamed that so many Christians think being gay is such a horrible sin, yet they hate so freely and think that's okay. They are even proud of their hatred, thinking God approves. What about adultery, lying, cheating, murder, and so on. Is that all okay? Not in God's eye's. Not according to His word.

The God I know does not approve of hatred. The God I know is Love. He loves everyone, no matter their race, sexuality, or the sin they commit. No one is perfect. If He turned His back on all of us for sin then who would He love? No one! Because we have all sinned. And if we claim we haven't committed sin, then we are Pharisees. (the worst of the worst).

Today was a day to show love. Today was a day to reach out to those who have lost loved ones, or who are different than we are. Not matter your race, sexuality, or religion, today was a day we should love one another. No fighting. No racial slurs. And certainly no hatred.

I serve a God of love. Jesus walked with those that we, as Christians, show hatred toward. I want to walk with those people too. I want to show the kind of love He showed when He walked on this earth.

If I have offended anyone, I am sorry. But I believe that today we missed an opportunity to be Jesus in the lives of many people, whether we agree or not. Love isn't about agreeing. Love is about reaching out to one another and caring for them whether we agree or not. Love is about reaching to others in their deepest needs and hurts. I have had very deep hurts, and very deep needs. I have sinned in very dark areas. I needed others to lean on during those times. Now is our time to reach out and love.

Let's allow God to judge. Not us! We are not capable of judging. Only He is capable. And only He knows who to forgive. Stop trying to take His place! He is our creator! And He knows right from wrong, those who truly love Him and serve Him, and those who do not.

Much love to everyone who reads. My heart breaks for those who lost precious loved ones in Charleston and in Ooltewah. And my heart aches for those who were attacked on FB and other social media today. My heart hurts for all the haters. Hate solves nothing. It only dishonors God and creates turmoil.

Imagine All The People...

I'm lying here tonight on my sofa, my little Maltipoo, Deacon, snuggled close to my side. My mind wanders back to a trip I was on around 5 years ago, or so. We had taken a drive from Pueblo Colorado to Crested Butte Colorado.

As we began the drive, I remember passing through tiny towns, winding through the mountains, following along beside the most gorgeous river of rapids I had ever seen. We entered the town of Salida, stopping and taking silly pictures along the way. From Salida we started the trek over one of the Fourteeners. The road was wide, yet winding. As we topped the tall mountain and drove into the valley below I recall suddenly becoming awe struck. The beauty is indescribable. Rambling shallow creeks through lush green fields full of horses. If you know me at all, you know I have a passion for horses. The farms houses were all different, some old and some new. They were all gorgeous, no matter their age. Wildflowers of all colors were blooming. In the background, for miles and miles I could see tall snow capped mountains. This view must be much like what Heaven will be like.

As we neared the distant mountains and the quaint village of Crested Butte, there were several moments when I sat in silence, my eyes filled with tears. I had never seen such beauty. I had never felt such peace. I was awe struck with love for our Creator. How could a God as huge as He is, love me enough to allow me to behold His splendor in such a unique place? It was a drive I will never forget as long as I live. It was a moment in time with God that was created just for me. I felt His love for me and my love for Him in such a unique way that day.

Today I have had this memory on my mind. I have also been wondering all day a simple question. What if I felt that kind of love and awe for my Savior every day? What if I could breathe Him in, not missing a moment of peace and beauty that He gives me daily? What would my life look like if I were filled with that kind of love daily? What about everyone else? What if we all loved Him the way I adored Him that day? How would that translate into our lives? What would our world be like if we all lived in peace and beheld His Beauty?

I believe it would wipe away all hate. We could disagree, yet still love. We could have compassion for one another the way Jesus did when He walked on the earth. We could allow for differences and still see the beauty in one another. We could desire God's best for others rather than calling them our enemy. We could forgive.

I know this is only a dream. As I studied in Genesis yesterday about Adam and Eve, I saw clearly how our world has become so twisted. Once Eve sinned, then Adam, there was no going back. We will always live in a sinful world. But it's so sweet to dream about what if.... It's so sweet to remember that day filled with meandering streams, horses, wildflowers and snow capped mountains. It's a pleasure to remember feeling in complete awe of the beauty He created. And it's amazing to remember the feeling of complete and total peace. Nothing else mattered but God and love and my family on that day.

I know we will never live in a perfect world. But what if we all changed our world around us when we can? What if we are kind to strangers? Give to others when prompted to give, rather than hold on to money and possessions so tightly? Slip a note to someone who needs encouraging? Go visit a friend who is sick, finding out what they need, rather than saying "if there's anything I can do let me know". What if we took a moment out of our day to contact an old friend, or say "I'm sorry" to someone we may have hurt along the way? What if we thanked someone who made a difference in our lives? I could go on and on. As I write, God is prompting my heart to do these things.

Thank you for reading as I reminisce and imagine. I want to strive to see Him everyday the way I saw Him that day in Colorado. I hope and pray some of you will join me on this journey to slow life down and just be in awe sometimes. And I hope you will join me in changing our little pieces of the world to look a little more like Jesus, to share His love with others.
I am so humbled that you read my little blog. To Him be all glory! Much Love to all of you!

Footsteps

You spent night after night pacing the floors, weeping and praying for me. Little did I understand how much I was breaking your heart. I was young and foolish. Yet you loved me anyway. It's the kind of love that only a mom knows.

The day came when all your prayers were answered. What a joyful day that was for you and for me. I have never let go of my Fathers Hand. Some days He has carried me. But every prayer you prayed for me has been answered, more than you could ask or dream for.

Now it's my time to carry the torch. I pace the floors crying and praying. Sometimes I am face down on the floor allowing the Holy Spirit to intercede for no words will come, moaning in prayer to my Father. Feeling pain beyond any I have ever known. I am sure you did the very same thing for me. I'm sure your pain was as deep as mine.

Because you prayed, because you never gave up, that is my legacy now. Because you loved unconditionally, I will love unconditionally.

I am confident in this. I will see the day of victory just like you did. I will be amazed and give Him all the glory just like you did. I cannot wait for that day. At times my heart feels weak and faint. But I will keep on keeping on, loving unconditionally, praying without ceasing, and never losing faith.

For with God, nothing is impossible. You taught me that. I've watched you live that life. I will follow in your footsteps as long as I have breath. I will always believe, allow the Spirit to intercede when the pain is unbearable, and know that I know that I will see the day when God will answer my prayers bigger and better than I could ever imagine. Joy. Pure joy. Rejoicing, just as you did, for your child had come home.

I love you more than you know, Mama.

Purity and The Controversery

My daughter chose purity. In 2002, we stood in front of hundreds of people at Silverdale Baptist Church, and she made a vow to her father and I that she would remain pure. One that day, she proudly choked out the vows to remain pure until her wedding day. And we proudly choked out our vows to hold her accountable, to keep our home as an environment that would help her make keep this vow, to guard her as much as possible, and to openly discuss this decision with her over the next several years, right up until her wedding day. She proudly wore a ring that represented her vow. She studied the biblical meaning of a vow, and knew how seriously saying a vow to God was going to be. But she was determined to make that choice.  Little did we know how difficult this decision would become and how much controversy it would cause.

Over the years she lost several boyfriends because of her decision. Even the most godly young men couldn't deal with her remaining pure. She went through much heartache and pain, losing a couple of young men that she felt she had a future with. She was criticized and even mocked over her choice. We had very deep conversations, and even arguments as I fought to help her keep her vow. Hurt and pain came from the vow, but she stayed true to herself and to God. And God honored her...

One day, almost two and a half years ago, she meet an amazing, handsome young man. He saw her as a future wife, not just someone to have sex with at the time. Though he had never thought of purity because of his upbringing, he decided to join her in her quest to remain pure. He not only joined her, but he has protected her in every way possible from any temptation they may have as they dated.

Nothing ever prepared her for the firestorm that would follow. It seemed that friends and acquaintances took up two camps, with a few friends in the "Remain Pure" camp, and many friends in the "That's just not the way life is in this day and age" camp. Friends and family turned their backs on them, became angry, and mocked them for their choice. They even lost a couple of friends who were so far against their decision. They were cussed out and teased. And they have been supported and loved by those who agree with their choice. Even several friend who didn't choose purity have encouraged them to stay the course until they were married.

The point of this blog is not to shame anyone in any way. Most of my friends, family and acquaintances have not chosen this course for their life. I believe that Jesus Himself was tempted in all ways, including sexual temptation so He understands the struggle. I also believe that it's much easier to give in and have sex than to remain pure. If you have not chosen the same path, I am not condemning you in any way, shape or form. You are still loved and respected by me and by Lindsay no matter what your choice. And if you are a Christian, there is always forgiveness from God. He never turns away His children just because they made a mistake. I would extend love to you. We all have skeletons in our closest, no matter what our sin is. Not one of us can proclaim to be innocent. Lindsay has many other things that she struggles with. We all have our own path in life. Our paths include both good choices, bad choices and regrets over choices we have made. I certainly have mine. Everyone has different struggles along the way. Not one of us should condemn the other,

My question is this. Why not love and support those who have chosen the path of purity? It is not an easy path, but it is the right choice for her. She has many friends who made the same choice. They are married now, and they have no regrets whatsoever.

The truth is, this is not the way people live their lives these days. Living together and having sex outside of marriage is the most common way of life for most people. For those of you who believe this way is perfectly fine, we still love you. We don't mock you or tease you. We don't preach to you about your choice. Unless you bring it up, we don't discuss it with you. It is your business and between you and God.

So why not give those who choose purity the same respect?

In 6 months from yesterday I will walk Lindsay down the isle. I will be a very proud and happy momma as I give Lindsay's hand to her love, Daniel. At that moment, she will give me her purity ring. It will be a sign to us of the heartache, pain, and now the joy that has come along with purity. Celebrate this moment with us! Whether you agree or not, it's the path she has chosen. She freely loves you all, no matter what your choice has been. No condemnation. As a tear may fall from my eye at that moment, just know that it's a been a long battle that we fought hard for. In a life full of hurts, pain, and disappointment, this will be a moment of victory. Please rejoice with us as the struggle comes to an end and she can freely give herself to the love of her life.

Much love everyone!

I am Yours and You are Mine

Often times I find myself praying continuously for the needs of others. "Father, please heal my dear friend...Father please provide for the needs of my sweet sister....Father, Heal their broken marriage..." and so on.

As I sit here tonight, tears streaming down my face, I wonder why it is that I do not ask Him for my own needs as often as I should, or even ask Him for my wants? As I search my heart, I believe it's a trust issue. It's so easy for me to trust God for my friends health, or the financial needs of others, for the salvation of others, or even ask Him for the deepest desires of my close friends. Yet I brush by my own desires and needs as if He isn't big enough to answer my own prayers, or He doesn't care about my needs and desires.

Am I afraid He won't answer the way I ask Him to? Am I afraid of His silence on certain desires or needs? Is it a lack of faith on my part? I must admit, it's probably a little bit of all of the above. I depend greatly on my family and friends to pray for me, and they always do. But do I come boldly before Him asking on my own behalf? Sometimes I do! And sometimes I do not.

As I write tonight I am reminded of the theme I have used for over a year now. It's the words to my favorite song of all time, "Oceans" by Hillsong.

"Spirit lead to me where my trust is without borders" This is my daily prayer, and the theme of my relationship with Him. Yet I'm afraid tonight my trust may fall short.

So, once again, before my friends and family, I renew this undying trust that I desire to live for the rest of my life.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. So I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine."

Now, I'm about to embark upon a new journey. Yes, I feel afraid. But I am keeping my eyes on Him, just like Peter. in Matthew 14:22-34. "Take courage. It is I. Don't be afraid" Yes, Lord, I trust You and I will take courage, even when the waves make me feel afraid, for I am Yours, and You are mine.

Much Love to you all! And much praise and glory to our King! Amen

By faith Abraham obeyed and went even though he didn't know where he was going....

Without fail, when I really open up with my writing, I have others reach out to me saying "Thank you so much for sharing! I am going through the same thing!"

Well, here goes...

Being in the 'sandwich' stage of life is one of the hardest, yet most beautiful times of my life. It's so difficult to watch my parents age. There's a sense of what's to come with every moment we spend together. Yet, I really don't know exactly what's to come. I have no idea how life will play out. No matter what, it's so difficult to watch them lose their friends one by one, go through sickness, experience loneliness, lose their siblings, and grow older.

There's also guilt that comes along with it. I feel so guilty that I can't spend more time with them. I can't make up for the close friends they've lost. They have given their lives to me, supporting me, and loving me through everything I've ever been through, never giving up on me. Yet now, I feel so helpless with them. I want to fix all their hurt, health problems, and make them young again. But there's nothing I can do. I can only love them, and listen to them as they talk about what life feels like for them now.

Then there's my younger generation. I raised them to spread their wings and fly. I am watching them fly the nest. Their flight is at times a struggle, but also very beautiful. I am watching my prayers that I have prayed for them for 26 years all be answered. Some prayers are answered exactly like I prayed. Others are being answered in different ways than I thought they would be, or taking longer than I expected. Unexpected life experiences are constantly being thrown at me. Life is so great! And life hurts, as I watch them grow older. Yet I am so happy for them, for their new lives, and for the beauty I see as they grow up and leave the nest. What joy they bring me!

Add to all this, being a single mom, and dealing with it all alone and it adds an entirely different layer to life. I am not unhappy with my singleness. In fact, as odd as this may sound, it's been a blessing. I have learned even more than ever before to lean on God for my every need, and to praise Him in the good times and difficult times. God has put me all back together, made me stronger, healed my hurts, and I hope made me a little more wise. But at times I do wish there was someone by my side to share in the victories, pride, and grief as each generation brings their own joy and pain into life.

How about you? Are any of you feeling the same things? I would love to hear from you if you are sharing the same joy and the same heartache. Let's gather around one another, pray for each other, and support each other. I believe that's what God intends for His people. There's nothing more beautiful than His people loving on Him, and loving each other. You can email me at kypw77@yahoo.com, or contact me in a private message on Facebook!

Much love dear friends. Thank you so much for reading! It truly humbles me.