While staring in the mirror, getting ready for church, she began practicing her smiles. There's her "I'm doing great. How are you?" smile. There's the "I've missed you, too. We must have lunch soon" smile. The "My life couldn't be better. God is good." smile. And then " I feel wonderful. So good to see you! How are you?" smile.
All along, she's dying inside. Her heart is breaking. She believes the Scriptures, lives her life righteously, trust God in all things, and yet this gnawing pain will not go away. It comes and goes. Some days are better than others, but it's always felt somewhere deep inside. She's given it to God, worshiped Him, thanked Him even during the hurt, trusted Him with her life and all she is feeling. Yet, it's still there.
She quickly wipes a tear as it falls down her face, not wanting to mess up her makeup, or have her mascara drip. The sooner she can leave, the better it will be. While at church, it's much easier to put that smile on her face, encourage others, and redirect her pain into something good.
But the questions still linger. He found someone new. He found a better family, better children, and better friends. Are they sweeter, prettier, or more fun? They must have been worth walking away from her. What did she do wrong that caused him to leave? Yet she is his own flesh and blood.
Her mind drifts back to a conversation she had with him when she was a young teen. "Will you please come home from 'work' earlier, and maybe spend more time with me?" "Sure baby. Anything for you" he replied. One more broken promise. One of many broken promises. One more thing that still stings. The hurt and lies run through her mind over and over. Lies about herself, lies about other things. Erasing the tapes is easier said than done.
She has many friends and family. She is blessed to be loved and cared for by so many wonderful people. Yet it continually gnaws at her heart- the one who should have loved her most, failed her. What was wrong with her and her family? Yes, it would have taken hard work, but wasn't she worth fixing things?
Gathering her thoughts and emotions, the church service is amazing. God's presence enters the room like a blanket wrapping His arms around her. As she leaves, the pain she felt earlier lessens. Her smile is genuine now. Feeling lighthearted, she continues with her day, laughing, singing and spending time with loved ones.
God IS good. He IS faithful. Whether she sees it or feels it every second of the day, He never leaves her side. Looking back, she realizes that she is loved more than any man could ever love her. Her Heavenly Father adores her. He keeps all His promises. And He will never leave.
Note from me:
Dear friends, as I write this fictional story, I realize that even though life doesn't go the way we think it should, God never changes. Life certainly changes. It has it's ups and downs, good times and bad times. Sometimes sorrow pins us to the floor for a while. But there's always a light, dim as it may seem, at the end of the tunnel. Christians, let's get real with one another. We all suffer. Let's allow the church to be a safe place to laugh and to cry. Let's bring our hurts and pain before Him, surrounded by fellow Christians, and love one another through every part of life, no matter how big or small. Can we do that? No gossiping about our brothers and sisters in Christ, no sharing "prayer request" in order to gossip in a Christian manner. Together we can work on it, anyway. Together we can creat a safe haven for all who need a place to come and open up. We can't always fix the pain, but we sure can make the load lighter with a hug, kiss, or encouraging words. Let's do what God has called us to do. Let's be the true church, which means love.
Much love everyone,
Kim
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Bamboo Flooring and Other New things
As I sit here this morning, I can't help but laugh at my old dog, Gordon. I wish I could get a picture of him. The last two days he's been so funny. At age 13, he has never walked on anything in our home except for carpet and linoleum. I have replaced the old with something new. We now have Bamboo floors, and tile in the kitchen and baths. Gordon is quite confused. He hates walking on the new floors.
The past two mornings, he has woke up and stood in the doorway of the bedroom, looking down the hallway and crying. I am not sure if he wants me to come back to bed in the bedroom so he can continue sleeping, (which is tempting) or if he wants me to carry him down the hall so he doesn't have to walk on the floors. Either way, it's not going to happen. He's a 60 lb dog. Nope I'm not carrying him. He has to walk. He is so resistant to this new change. But it's here, and he will learn how to manage it.
Sudden change. Don't we all resist it a little bit? For me, like Gordon, I start out crying. Then, wanting to hold on to the past, I reluctantly begin to figure things out. Before long, I am easing myself into the newness of the change. Eventually, I am walking and enjoying the walk. Soon it's my new normal. I begin move on with life, hardly remembering there ever was a change.
This morning as I watched Gordon reluctantly take steps on this new surface, God reminded me of a Scripture that I have leaned on often throughout my life.
Isaiah 43:18-19 (say it with me y'all) "Do not call to mind former things, or ponder on things of the past. Behold, I will do something new. Now it will spring forth. Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."
Just as Gordon dreams of having carpet to walk on again, he will eventually forget the carpet and the new flooring will become his new normal. And whatever change God is bringing into our lives will become our new normal. It may take a while. But eventually, we will embrace the new adventure He is taking us on. If we open ourselves up to the change and don't keep wishing for the former things, we will learn to love the newness He brings.
Trust Him in the midst of what may seem like chaos and confusion. He is doing something new. And if He is doing it, it will become a beautiful part of our lives.
Much love everyone! Thank you so much for reading.
Kim
The past two mornings, he has woke up and stood in the doorway of the bedroom, looking down the hallway and crying. I am not sure if he wants me to come back to bed in the bedroom so he can continue sleeping, (which is tempting) or if he wants me to carry him down the hall so he doesn't have to walk on the floors. Either way, it's not going to happen. He's a 60 lb dog. Nope I'm not carrying him. He has to walk. He is so resistant to this new change. But it's here, and he will learn how to manage it.
Sudden change. Don't we all resist it a little bit? For me, like Gordon, I start out crying. Then, wanting to hold on to the past, I reluctantly begin to figure things out. Before long, I am easing myself into the newness of the change. Eventually, I am walking and enjoying the walk. Soon it's my new normal. I begin move on with life, hardly remembering there ever was a change.
This morning as I watched Gordon reluctantly take steps on this new surface, God reminded me of a Scripture that I have leaned on often throughout my life.
Isaiah 43:18-19 (say it with me y'all) "Do not call to mind former things, or ponder on things of the past. Behold, I will do something new. Now it will spring forth. Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."
Just as Gordon dreams of having carpet to walk on again, he will eventually forget the carpet and the new flooring will become his new normal. And whatever change God is bringing into our lives will become our new normal. It may take a while. But eventually, we will embrace the new adventure He is taking us on. If we open ourselves up to the change and don't keep wishing for the former things, we will learn to love the newness He brings.
Trust Him in the midst of what may seem like chaos and confusion. He is doing something new. And if He is doing it, it will become a beautiful part of our lives.
Much love everyone! Thank you so much for reading.
Kim
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Beautiful Things
I currently live in a construction zone. I don't mean this figuratively, but literally. Everywhere I look I see sawdust, tools, doors leaning against my walls, kitchen utensils in boxes, and my stove and refrigerator in my dining room. My lawn is covered with saw horses, tools, and things that need to be thrown away.
And yet, I looked at Lindsay last night and said, "I am SO happy." Honestly, I couldn't be more content and joyful.
You see, I had to go on a journey to get here. Once again, thinking I knew exactly what was best for my life, I had adamantly decided that I needed a change. I needed to sell my house and move to a new location, a new home. I agonized over this decision for months. I looked at houses, talked to realtors, and planned my move. All the while, praying through where I should move to and what house would be perfect for me.
Yet, underneath all the plans I had made, there was the still small voice of my Father saying, "I want you to stay where you are." I continued to blow right past that voice. After all, moving is what made sense for me during this time in my life. Continually praying and seeking God's perfect will, I kept looking at new homes, new areas, a place to start my new life. I knew FOR SURE that I did not want to endure living in my home while it was being remodeled. The idea of doing that made me so anxious. The thought was unbearable.
One morning I woke up, after wrestling with this move all night. I knew, in a matter of moments, exactly what I was supposed to do. Keep my house! Renovate the whole thing! I finally said to God, "Yes, Lord. I will stay here. I have never taken on a project like this before. But I will trust You to give me wisdom and strength to transform my current house into a beautiful home. I surrender." As soon as I relented, perfect peace washed over me. I knew that I knew that this was God's will for my life.
By laying down my own ideas and notions and following God's perfect plan for me and my family, I have become the most grateful woman alive! Peace fills my heart and home. I have a wonderful team of men working on my house. I have been blessed beyond measure with the money to fix my home the way I have always dreamed I wanted it.
Yesterday, Lindsay and I took a shopping trip to Home Depot and then to Lowes. So excited that we could hardly contain ourselves, we began purchasing the decor for the inside of our home. The final thing we purchased was a mirror surrounded by wood. On the wood was carved the simple words, "Live, Laugh, Love." That's what I am asking God for my home to be. I am humbly asking Him to fill my home with Life, Laughter and Love.
You see, when you come to a place in your life where you totally desire God's perfect will, no matter what, then living in a construction zone is beautiful. I am one happy woman- saw dust, tools, and all. Why am I so happy? Because I finally stopped being so hard headed and listened to that still small voice that was guiding me all along.
I am grateful beyond belief. God is allowing my dreams to come true. Peace and joy fill my heart. This can only come from Him. Looking all around me today, I should be stressed. But I am not stressed. Instead, I am one blessed woman. Amazing friends, a wonderful family, and peace that surpasses all understanding. Each and every day the beauty of my renovated home begins to become visible. Gratitude washes over me daily.
"You makes beautiful things out of dust. You makes beautiful things out of us." Gungor
One last thing. There is an analogy here about what God has done in my life over the years. Those of you who are closest to me have watched the process. Yes, God truly does makes beauty from dust.
Much Love everyone. Thank you so much for reading. You all are so special to me.
And yet, I looked at Lindsay last night and said, "I am SO happy." Honestly, I couldn't be more content and joyful.
You see, I had to go on a journey to get here. Once again, thinking I knew exactly what was best for my life, I had adamantly decided that I needed a change. I needed to sell my house and move to a new location, a new home. I agonized over this decision for months. I looked at houses, talked to realtors, and planned my move. All the while, praying through where I should move to and what house would be perfect for me.
Yet, underneath all the plans I had made, there was the still small voice of my Father saying, "I want you to stay where you are." I continued to blow right past that voice. After all, moving is what made sense for me during this time in my life. Continually praying and seeking God's perfect will, I kept looking at new homes, new areas, a place to start my new life. I knew FOR SURE that I did not want to endure living in my home while it was being remodeled. The idea of doing that made me so anxious. The thought was unbearable.
One morning I woke up, after wrestling with this move all night. I knew, in a matter of moments, exactly what I was supposed to do. Keep my house! Renovate the whole thing! I finally said to God, "Yes, Lord. I will stay here. I have never taken on a project like this before. But I will trust You to give me wisdom and strength to transform my current house into a beautiful home. I surrender." As soon as I relented, perfect peace washed over me. I knew that I knew that this was God's will for my life.
By laying down my own ideas and notions and following God's perfect plan for me and my family, I have become the most grateful woman alive! Peace fills my heart and home. I have a wonderful team of men working on my house. I have been blessed beyond measure with the money to fix my home the way I have always dreamed I wanted it.
Yesterday, Lindsay and I took a shopping trip to Home Depot and then to Lowes. So excited that we could hardly contain ourselves, we began purchasing the decor for the inside of our home. The final thing we purchased was a mirror surrounded by wood. On the wood was carved the simple words, "Live, Laugh, Love." That's what I am asking God for my home to be. I am humbly asking Him to fill my home with Life, Laughter and Love.
You see, when you come to a place in your life where you totally desire God's perfect will, no matter what, then living in a construction zone is beautiful. I am one happy woman- saw dust, tools, and all. Why am I so happy? Because I finally stopped being so hard headed and listened to that still small voice that was guiding me all along.
I am grateful beyond belief. God is allowing my dreams to come true. Peace and joy fill my heart. This can only come from Him. Looking all around me today, I should be stressed. But I am not stressed. Instead, I am one blessed woman. Amazing friends, a wonderful family, and peace that surpasses all understanding. Each and every day the beauty of my renovated home begins to become visible. Gratitude washes over me daily.
"You makes beautiful things out of dust. You makes beautiful things out of us." Gungor
One last thing. There is an analogy here about what God has done in my life over the years. Those of you who are closest to me have watched the process. Yes, God truly does makes beauty from dust.
Much Love everyone. Thank you so much for reading. You all are so special to me.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Trust Without Borders
I don't know about you, but I seem to have a song, or a particular CD for every season in my life. Whatever the song (or songs) are, I play them over and over again, singing (and sometimes shouting) them out to my Father.
As life goes on and I hear the songs again, they remind me of the season in my life that I was in when I used to play the song over and over again. I always remember what was going on in my life, how I was feeling, and what God did during that particular season.
For the past two weeks I have had one song that has become my theme song. It's called "Oceans", by Hillsong. (Thank you Linda Graham for telling me to listen to it). The entire song seems to be about the season of life I am in. Please indulge me while I share a few of the lyrics, and what I have learned about myself, and my faith over the past several days.
"You call me out onto the waters, the great unknown"...This perfectly describes my life for the past 18 months. I have been living my life on the edge, following Christ into the great unknown. At times it has been difficult, painful and frustrating. It also has been a beautiful journey full of miracles, grace and mercy.
God has done some things in my life that are so unbelievable, and incredible. I have witnessed miracles. I am no longer afraid of "the great unknown". I view life as an adventure now. I have seen God's Hand and His works up close and personal, so I know I have nothing to fear in this new great unknown life I am living.
"Where my feet may fail, and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now." Wow! Truth! There's really not much I can add here. There have been days I was so fearful. God has never failed me. Never! I have never walked alone. I am entering the next adventure in my life with nothing but shear trust that He will not fail.
"My soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine." I have literally gone to bed at night and felt His embrace, the warmth of His love, peace that makes no sense. I should have been worried and afraid. But instead, I have felt the warmth of His embrace amidst the chaos that was going on around me.
Last night I was having dinner with a life long friend. We have both fought battles that we never dreamed we would be fighting. While our battles were very different, we both have seen who God is, and what He can do in incredible ways.
She and I were discussing this song. We began to talk about the lyric, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders." We both got very excited as we began to discuss what this means to each us. Trust without borders! That's my greatest, deepest desire for my life. I want to live my life so abandoned to God, that my faith has no borders. I want to ask Him for any and everything. I want to believe that there are no limitations to what He can and will do if I will only ask. I do not want to miss anything that He intends for me.
I have watched what he's done in my dear friend, Lisa's, life. I have also watched what He has done in my life. All I can say is this- I want more! I would not change one second of my journey. My journey has shown me so much about my Father. I want more of Him. I want to go deeper with Him. I totally trust Him, in the darkest times, and in the best of times. He truly makes beauty from ashes. Even as I am typing, I could shout!
My hope, and my prayer is that each of you will allow Him to lead you to trust without borders. If He is calling you to something that frightens you, take the leap! He will not fail! He will do greater than you could ever imagine.
As I enter this next adventure in my life, I am excited. I know it will come with difficulties and stress. But I also know that God is leading me to take this leap of faith. As I obey Him with "trust without borders" He will walk with me every single step of the way. His presence with be so near, I will almost be able to touch Him.
To my precious friends who are reading this...If He's calling you...Leap!!! Whatever that means in your life, walk upon the waters! The journey is so beautiful!
"Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander...For I am Yours, and you are mine..."
As life goes on and I hear the songs again, they remind me of the season in my life that I was in when I used to play the song over and over again. I always remember what was going on in my life, how I was feeling, and what God did during that particular season.
For the past two weeks I have had one song that has become my theme song. It's called "Oceans", by Hillsong. (Thank you Linda Graham for telling me to listen to it). The entire song seems to be about the season of life I am in. Please indulge me while I share a few of the lyrics, and what I have learned about myself, and my faith over the past several days.
"You call me out onto the waters, the great unknown"...This perfectly describes my life for the past 18 months. I have been living my life on the edge, following Christ into the great unknown. At times it has been difficult, painful and frustrating. It also has been a beautiful journey full of miracles, grace and mercy.
God has done some things in my life that are so unbelievable, and incredible. I have witnessed miracles. I am no longer afraid of "the great unknown". I view life as an adventure now. I have seen God's Hand and His works up close and personal, so I know I have nothing to fear in this new great unknown life I am living.
"Where my feet may fail, and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now." Wow! Truth! There's really not much I can add here. There have been days I was so fearful. God has never failed me. Never! I have never walked alone. I am entering the next adventure in my life with nothing but shear trust that He will not fail.
"My soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine." I have literally gone to bed at night and felt His embrace, the warmth of His love, peace that makes no sense. I should have been worried and afraid. But instead, I have felt the warmth of His embrace amidst the chaos that was going on around me.
Last night I was having dinner with a life long friend. We have both fought battles that we never dreamed we would be fighting. While our battles were very different, we both have seen who God is, and what He can do in incredible ways.
She and I were discussing this song. We began to talk about the lyric, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders." We both got very excited as we began to discuss what this means to each us. Trust without borders! That's my greatest, deepest desire for my life. I want to live my life so abandoned to God, that my faith has no borders. I want to ask Him for any and everything. I want to believe that there are no limitations to what He can and will do if I will only ask. I do not want to miss anything that He intends for me.
I have watched what he's done in my dear friend, Lisa's, life. I have also watched what He has done in my life. All I can say is this- I want more! I would not change one second of my journey. My journey has shown me so much about my Father. I want more of Him. I want to go deeper with Him. I totally trust Him, in the darkest times, and in the best of times. He truly makes beauty from ashes. Even as I am typing, I could shout!
My hope, and my prayer is that each of you will allow Him to lead you to trust without borders. If He is calling you to something that frightens you, take the leap! He will not fail! He will do greater than you could ever imagine.
As I enter this next adventure in my life, I am excited. I know it will come with difficulties and stress. But I also know that God is leading me to take this leap of faith. As I obey Him with "trust without borders" He will walk with me every single step of the way. His presence with be so near, I will almost be able to touch Him.
To my precious friends who are reading this...If He's calling you...Leap!!! Whatever that means in your life, walk upon the waters! The journey is so beautiful!
"Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander...For I am Yours, and you are mine..."
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Be Near Me, Lord Jesus
I am extremely blessed to have so many girlfriends in my life! Some are a little older than me, and some are younger. They all have brought a different 'flavor', if you will, to my life. Each one adds something unique and special to me. I could write a blog about each and every one of them. Maybe someday I will do that. I am afraid I would hurt someone's feeling, though, if I left anyone out. So, I'm not going to name the names of each of them. I really wish I could though. My heart is so full of love for them all.
Today, I have one special lady on my mind. Her name is Kathelene. She will never read this blog. I don't think she even owns a computer. But Kathelene has taught me so much about life, and it's real meaning. She has taught me not to stress over life, and to be grateful for each and every thing God gives me, whether big or small.
The last day I worked last year (before I got my blood clot), I stood in the parking lot with Kathelene. She is such a gracious, kind woman. As we stood and talked, she first told me to take better care of myself (I had just had a minor surgery). She said, "Kim, you have GOT to rest and stay off your feet. You could become worse, instead of getting better." Her words of wisdom were correct. The next day, I did begin to get pain in my leg. That was on a Thursday. By Sunday, I was in the ER with a blood clot.
As my mind drifts back to that day, standing in the parking lot and talking with her, I remember her eyes filled with tears (as did mine). I had asked her about her sister. Her sister had a critical illness and they did not know how much longer she would live.
As Kathelene talked, her voice began to quiver. You see, she and her sister were very close. They were inseparable as children. They remained close until the end. My dear friend began to tell me about her sister's health. She said, "It won't be much longer. But still, I am grateful to God that she made it another year. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, 'Look how beautiful the sun is shining. And I get to go to work, and see my wonderful children. I am so grateful to God for another day to be alive and to serve Him.'
That was always her attitude. Kathelene finds something to be grateful for every single day. She can be living in the worst circumstances, like she was on that day. The sorrow and pain was evident on her face. She was losing her beloved sister. She knew any minute she would get the call that her sister had passed. But in the midst of her hurt and pain, she was grateful.
I have learned through Kathelene's example, to find gratitude in the little things in life every day. I have learned to watch for God's 'little' miracles every single day of my life. (That is, if any miracle is ever little). I am keeping a journal. The tone and direction of my journal has changed completely. It has changed from my problems, irritations, and complaining to God, to a journal of gratitude.
I have asked God to not let me miss any miracle He sends my way. Whether it is a big miracle, such as healing or providing much needed money, or a small miracle, such as holding a baby while he sleeps, I don't want to miss it! And, guess what? It is as if blinders have been taken off my eyes. I see miracles every single day. God even throws in some very unexpected miracles, just for me. I can't begin to list them all. But I will say this. I am blown away from all God gives me! He makes beautiful things, and then allows me to see them. This is such a humbling experience to me. The Creator of the Universe allows ME to see His miracles!
I go to bed every night and attempt to jot down all He has shown me, and allowed me to see that day. On most days, I write an entire page of miracles! As I lie in bed that night, I thank my Father for each and every thing He has shown me.
I would encourage all of you to do the same. Begin viewing life through God's eyes. Begin asking Him to allow you to see every single miracle He throws your way. Ask Him to take the blinders off your eyes. You might see a gorgeous bird flying by, hear the laughter of a child, receive a hug from a friend, or witness someone being healed. I believe God tailor fits our miracles just for us. He knows us intimately, and He gives us the things that make us happy.
As we begin to view life with our blinders off, we find that the big things in life (the hardest, most difficult things) still exist. But they are more manageable. And we find that, on a mundane day, where nothing is happening, it's rainy outside and life seems to have us down, there are still many things to be grateful for. Just try it. With a sincere heart, learn to be grateful. It takes practice. It takes changing the way we think. But it is so worth the effort! What seems to be unbearable, suddenly becomes bearable.
No, the pain is not gone. There are still tears, hurts, and problems all around. But sincere gratitude will change your prospective on many things.
I still cry often. Many times I go to bed in tears. Sometimes my tears are from hurts, but many times they are tears of joy! Over all, I am grateful. Even the hurt and pain, the worries about how I will make it financially, or physically, emotionally still exists. But my gratitude toward God brings balance to my life. It keeps me from dwelling on my hurts and worries.
I don't know this for sure. But I imagine on the day Kathelene lost her sister, she was grateful for all the years God gave them together. She is just that kind of woman. And I want to be like her. I want to be grateful every day of my life.
I love you all! To each and every girlfriend I have sat down with and talked to, or gone to lunch with, emailed, text messaged or hugged, I am grateful for you. I call you all by name before my Father often. You fill my life with love, encouragement, laughter, and joy. What more could a girl ask for? Maybe someday I'll write about you!
Much Love to all my readers. Merry Christmas. Enjoy your families, your homes, and your true loves, and most of all, enjoy your Father, for He alone is worthy!
Much Love, and Merry Christmas!
Kim
Today, I have one special lady on my mind. Her name is Kathelene. She will never read this blog. I don't think she even owns a computer. But Kathelene has taught me so much about life, and it's real meaning. She has taught me not to stress over life, and to be grateful for each and every thing God gives me, whether big or small.
The last day I worked last year (before I got my blood clot), I stood in the parking lot with Kathelene. She is such a gracious, kind woman. As we stood and talked, she first told me to take better care of myself (I had just had a minor surgery). She said, "Kim, you have GOT to rest and stay off your feet. You could become worse, instead of getting better." Her words of wisdom were correct. The next day, I did begin to get pain in my leg. That was on a Thursday. By Sunday, I was in the ER with a blood clot.
As my mind drifts back to that day, standing in the parking lot and talking with her, I remember her eyes filled with tears (as did mine). I had asked her about her sister. Her sister had a critical illness and they did not know how much longer she would live.
As Kathelene talked, her voice began to quiver. You see, she and her sister were very close. They were inseparable as children. They remained close until the end. My dear friend began to tell me about her sister's health. She said, "It won't be much longer. But still, I am grateful to God that she made it another year. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, 'Look how beautiful the sun is shining. And I get to go to work, and see my wonderful children. I am so grateful to God for another day to be alive and to serve Him.'
That was always her attitude. Kathelene finds something to be grateful for every single day. She can be living in the worst circumstances, like she was on that day. The sorrow and pain was evident on her face. She was losing her beloved sister. She knew any minute she would get the call that her sister had passed. But in the midst of her hurt and pain, she was grateful.
I have learned through Kathelene's example, to find gratitude in the little things in life every day. I have learned to watch for God's 'little' miracles every single day of my life. (That is, if any miracle is ever little). I am keeping a journal. The tone and direction of my journal has changed completely. It has changed from my problems, irritations, and complaining to God, to a journal of gratitude.
I have asked God to not let me miss any miracle He sends my way. Whether it is a big miracle, such as healing or providing much needed money, or a small miracle, such as holding a baby while he sleeps, I don't want to miss it! And, guess what? It is as if blinders have been taken off my eyes. I see miracles every single day. God even throws in some very unexpected miracles, just for me. I can't begin to list them all. But I will say this. I am blown away from all God gives me! He makes beautiful things, and then allows me to see them. This is such a humbling experience to me. The Creator of the Universe allows ME to see His miracles!
I go to bed every night and attempt to jot down all He has shown me, and allowed me to see that day. On most days, I write an entire page of miracles! As I lie in bed that night, I thank my Father for each and every thing He has shown me.
I would encourage all of you to do the same. Begin viewing life through God's eyes. Begin asking Him to allow you to see every single miracle He throws your way. Ask Him to take the blinders off your eyes. You might see a gorgeous bird flying by, hear the laughter of a child, receive a hug from a friend, or witness someone being healed. I believe God tailor fits our miracles just for us. He knows us intimately, and He gives us the things that make us happy.
As we begin to view life with our blinders off, we find that the big things in life (the hardest, most difficult things) still exist. But they are more manageable. And we find that, on a mundane day, where nothing is happening, it's rainy outside and life seems to have us down, there are still many things to be grateful for. Just try it. With a sincere heart, learn to be grateful. It takes practice. It takes changing the way we think. But it is so worth the effort! What seems to be unbearable, suddenly becomes bearable.
No, the pain is not gone. There are still tears, hurts, and problems all around. But sincere gratitude will change your prospective on many things.
I still cry often. Many times I go to bed in tears. Sometimes my tears are from hurts, but many times they are tears of joy! Over all, I am grateful. Even the hurt and pain, the worries about how I will make it financially, or physically, emotionally still exists. But my gratitude toward God brings balance to my life. It keeps me from dwelling on my hurts and worries.
I don't know this for sure. But I imagine on the day Kathelene lost her sister, she was grateful for all the years God gave them together. She is just that kind of woman. And I want to be like her. I want to be grateful every day of my life.
I love you all! To each and every girlfriend I have sat down with and talked to, or gone to lunch with, emailed, text messaged or hugged, I am grateful for you. I call you all by name before my Father often. You fill my life with love, encouragement, laughter, and joy. What more could a girl ask for? Maybe someday I'll write about you!
Much Love to all my readers. Merry Christmas. Enjoy your families, your homes, and your true loves, and most of all, enjoy your Father, for He alone is worthy!
Much Love, and Merry Christmas!
Kim
Sunday, November 3, 2013
At Your Name
It was a chilly September day, and I was winding through the Great Smoky Mountains, just me and my little Honda. It was a rainy after noon, and I decided to go the long way back to my cabin. I took the turn on a one way dirt road, knowing once I made the turn, there was no going back. My sweet daughter had given me a CD, Phil Wickham Live 2, and I was taking it on my adventure. It was my first trip alone. Yes, that's right! I was completely alone, and my introvert personality was loving every second of it. (Those of you who are extroverts, are cringing right now, but my introvert friends are a little envious. haha)
Blasting the CD through my stereo, I began to sing along. "Lord of all the earth, we shout Your name, shout Your name. Filling up the skies with endless praise, endless praise. Yahweh! Yahweh! we love to shout Your name, Oh Lord! There's no one like our God! We will praise You! Praise You!..." At first I felt a little awkward, then, realizing there was no one there but me and Him, I began to shout His name, "YAHWEH! YAHWEH!" One hand on the wheel, and one hand raised high, I almost opened my sun roof so I could raise it higher. Then I remembered the pouring rain, and that I was dodging pot holes on the narrow dirt road. I quickly realized that 2 hands on the wheel, and the sun roof closed, would be best for the time being.
I laugh even now as I remember that moment. I knew right then that the road ahead of me was going to be beautiful. His presence was so real to me. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. A whole new excitement for my future was rising inside my heart. I felt unexplainable peace, and joy.
How wonderful is it to think of our God as YAHWEH, the great I AM! John Piper describes the name like this:
"1. He never had a beginning. Every child asks, “Who made God?” And every wise parent says, “Nobody made God. God simply is. And always was. No beginning.”
2. God will never end. If he did not come into being he cannot go out of being, because he is being.
3. God is absolute reality. There is no reality before him. There is no reality outside of him unless he wills it and makes it. He is all that was eternally. No space, no universe, no emptiness. Only God.
4. God is utterly independent. He depends on nothing to bring him into being or support him or counsel him or make him what he is.
5. Everything that is not God depends totally on God. The entire universe is utterly secondary. It came into being by God and stays in being moment by moment on God's decision to keep it in being.
6. All the universe is by comparison to God as nothing. Contingent, dependent reality is to absolute, independent reality as a shadow to substance. As an echo to a thunderclap. All that we are amazed by in the world and in the galaxies, is, compared to God, as nothing.
7. God is constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He cannot be improved. He is not becoming anything. He is who he is.
8. God is the absolute standard of truth and goodness and beauty. There is no law-book to which he looks to know what is right. No almanac to establish facts. No guild to determine what is excellent or beautiful. He himself is the standard of what is right, what is true, what is beautiful.
9. God does whatever he pleases and it is always right and always beautiful and always in accord with truth. All reality that is outside of him he created and designed and governs as the absolute reality. So he is utterly free from any constraints that don't originate from the counsel of his own will.
10. God is the most important and most valuable reality and person in the universe. He is more worthy of interest and attention and admiration and enjoyment than all other realities, including the entire universe." 10 things "Yahweh" Means" by John Piper
It's so hard to get my mind around all that Yahweh is. I do know this, however, I am wildly in love with Him. Yesterday, Lindsay and I were going on our traditional trip to the apple orchard for cider. I told her, as we were driving, "Lindsay, I am so grateful for this time in my life that God has given me. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with God. If not for this season I've been through, I wouldn't have the time or energy to invest in falling in love with Him all over again." Right then I made up my mind. I would not be defined by my past illness, and surgeries, for I am completely healed now, and it's all in the past. I would not be defined by divorce, but divorce would just be a season in my life, a distant memory, and I have moved forward.
I will leave this earth someday defined by my love for Yahweh, My God. He would from now until the end of my time on earth, define who I am, and where I go with my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know this. According to my God, I am lavished with His love, forgiven, I have hope, I can do all things through Him, nothing can separate me from His love, I am righteous, wise, and beautiful. What more could a woman want? He will define me. Anything else He chooses to give me beyond that will be icing on the cake.
The next time you are in the car alone, try shouting His name, and see how He transforms your life, too. "Lord of all the earth
We shout Your name, shout Your name
Filling up the skies
With endless praise, endless praise
Yahweh, Yahweh
We love to shout Your name, oh Lord"
Here's the link if you want to hear the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA1GXubd4JE
Much love, precious friends!
Blasting the CD through my stereo, I began to sing along. "Lord of all the earth, we shout Your name, shout Your name. Filling up the skies with endless praise, endless praise. Yahweh! Yahweh! we love to shout Your name, Oh Lord! There's no one like our God! We will praise You! Praise You!..." At first I felt a little awkward, then, realizing there was no one there but me and Him, I began to shout His name, "YAHWEH! YAHWEH!" One hand on the wheel, and one hand raised high, I almost opened my sun roof so I could raise it higher. Then I remembered the pouring rain, and that I was dodging pot holes on the narrow dirt road. I quickly realized that 2 hands on the wheel, and the sun roof closed, would be best for the time being.
I laugh even now as I remember that moment. I knew right then that the road ahead of me was going to be beautiful. His presence was so real to me. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. A whole new excitement for my future was rising inside my heart. I felt unexplainable peace, and joy.
How wonderful is it to think of our God as YAHWEH, the great I AM! John Piper describes the name like this:
"1. He never had a beginning. Every child asks, “Who made God?” And every wise parent says, “Nobody made God. God simply is. And always was. No beginning.”
2. God will never end. If he did not come into being he cannot go out of being, because he is being.
3. God is absolute reality. There is no reality before him. There is no reality outside of him unless he wills it and makes it. He is all that was eternally. No space, no universe, no emptiness. Only God.
4. God is utterly independent. He depends on nothing to bring him into being or support him or counsel him or make him what he is.
5. Everything that is not God depends totally on God. The entire universe is utterly secondary. It came into being by God and stays in being moment by moment on God's decision to keep it in being.
6. All the universe is by comparison to God as nothing. Contingent, dependent reality is to absolute, independent reality as a shadow to substance. As an echo to a thunderclap. All that we are amazed by in the world and in the galaxies, is, compared to God, as nothing.
7. God is constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He cannot be improved. He is not becoming anything. He is who he is.
8. God is the absolute standard of truth and goodness and beauty. There is no law-book to which he looks to know what is right. No almanac to establish facts. No guild to determine what is excellent or beautiful. He himself is the standard of what is right, what is true, what is beautiful.
9. God does whatever he pleases and it is always right and always beautiful and always in accord with truth. All reality that is outside of him he created and designed and governs as the absolute reality. So he is utterly free from any constraints that don't originate from the counsel of his own will.
10. God is the most important and most valuable reality and person in the universe. He is more worthy of interest and attention and admiration and enjoyment than all other realities, including the entire universe." 10 things "Yahweh" Means" by John Piper
It's so hard to get my mind around all that Yahweh is. I do know this, however, I am wildly in love with Him. Yesterday, Lindsay and I were going on our traditional trip to the apple orchard for cider. I told her, as we were driving, "Lindsay, I am so grateful for this time in my life that God has given me. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with God. If not for this season I've been through, I wouldn't have the time or energy to invest in falling in love with Him all over again." Right then I made up my mind. I would not be defined by my past illness, and surgeries, for I am completely healed now, and it's all in the past. I would not be defined by divorce, but divorce would just be a season in my life, a distant memory, and I have moved forward.
I will leave this earth someday defined by my love for Yahweh, My God. He would from now until the end of my time on earth, define who I am, and where I go with my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know this. According to my God, I am lavished with His love, forgiven, I have hope, I can do all things through Him, nothing can separate me from His love, I am righteous, wise, and beautiful. What more could a woman want? He will define me. Anything else He chooses to give me beyond that will be icing on the cake.
The next time you are in the car alone, try shouting His name, and see how He transforms your life, too. "Lord of all the earth
We shout Your name, shout Your name
Filling up the skies
With endless praise, endless praise
Yahweh, Yahweh
We love to shout Your name, oh Lord"
Here's the link if you want to hear the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA1GXubd4JE
Much love, precious friends!
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Rocking Chair
It was a lovely autumn day in Tennessee. The sky was as blue as it could be. There was a slight chill in the air. I was excited. I was heading to my Friend's house for some coffee and to sit and talk on His front porch.
As I turned to make the drive down the long driveway, I slowed to a crawl, relishing in every moment of the beauty around me. The driveway wound around until, at last, the house was in view. It was a house with beauty beyond words. Sitting in the clearing, surrounded by woods, the wrap around porch on His home looked so warm and inviting. Rocking chairs and a porch swing welcomed anyone who would come, any who was willing to make the long drive.
As I climbed out of my car, my Friend welcomed me with open arms. His laughter filled the air, as He said to me "Kim! My friend, thank you for making the long drive. You have been constantly on my mind. Come. Sit down. Let's talk." I quickly grabbed my favorite rocking chair. I had spent many hours in that rocking chair talking with my Friend over the years.
He disappeared into the house, and quickly returned with my favorite iced tea. He was always so quick to serve me with the greatest hospitality.
"I didn't bake cookies this time. I know you're watching what you eat. Though, to me, you always look beautiful." I laughed and said to him, "After all these years, You know me too well."
We sat in silence for a few minutes enjoying the view, and sipping our tea. He quietly broke the silence with His soft words. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately. I've had you constantly on my heart for a long time." I began to spill out the events of the past few months.
As I spoke, He he responded by refocusing my attention. "And, what have you learned from all this?" he asked, in a typical Teacher like manner.
I sat quietly for a while in deep thought. Then I began to list to Him all I'd learned. I laughed and said, "You know me, I've had to relearn many of the old lessons I have been learning for years. Forgiveness, self control, and to shut my mouth are among some of the many lessons I have had to review." We both laughed because we both knew these are lessons I have worked on for years.
Then I dropped my head, and my eyes filled with tears. "There's one lesson that has been the hardest for me. It's been a battle that I fought when I was young, and never won. So now, at the ripe old age of 54, I am learning to win this battle." He looked at me and said, "Look in my face child, and tell me about this lesson." As I looked full into his face, I felt a new confidence, accompanied by such peace.
"Well, you see, for my entire life I have always feared what people thought of me. I have always wondered if I was good enough, if people were whispering behind my back, or if I was the one people joked about when my back was turned." My Friend looked full into my eyes. His eyes were so kind and full of compassion. "Yes, Kim, I know this has been a struggle for you. Don't feel bad. Many people have the same struggle. You are not alone in this one."
I began to speak again, my voice sounding a little stronger. "I have learned that I cannot stop what people say or think about me. I have learned that I can't put out every fire, every time someone turns away from me, and believes things that are not true. Oh, I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have made phone calls, and sent emails in a lame attempt to defend my reputation. But along the way, I have learned from You that reputation doesn't matter. I have learned that I have no control over what people say, or think, whether it is good or bad. I have learned to lay down my pride, and walk humbly, just as you do. You have taught me so much. You have shown me through your own life, that worrying about whether or not people believe lies, or are thinking badly of me is pride. Pride is sin. I have watched you walk in truth and love, with no worries about what others think. You have only cared about what our Heavenly Father thinks. From your example, I am learning to replace those worries and fears with thoughts of our Father, and what He thinks of me. It takes practice! But I am learning that what He thinks is what really matters. And you know me, I can be a slow learner." We both had a good laugh.
Then my friend spoke with the wisdom I always expect from him. "Kim, what matters is that YOU know who you are. You know, as do I, that you are living to please our Heavenly Father. You know in your heart that while you are far from perfect, your goal in life is to bring Him glory. And for that, He is pleased. He does not expect perfection, He expects devotion. As long as you get up every day and live to please Him, not others, then He is very proud of you. He will bless your efforts, though you will fail at times."
"It's so hard", I said, "because it hurts when people I care about turn away from me and think poorly of me." He replied, with eyes full of love, "Of course it hurts! I know this feeling all too well! I happened to me over and over. Even my dearest friend denied me. But always remember, fill your mind with thoughts of how much our Father loves you. And always remember how much I love you. Our Father and I know who you are at the core of your heart. So do you. Hold on to that. Time will heal the pain and worries. And those who truly know you and truly love you will never doubt you. So don't doubt yourself. Bask in how far you've come, and the process you are still going through. And, for heavens sake, push what others think out of your mind! You have no control over that! Their thoughts are between them and the Father!"
I left my Friend's beautiful home that day somehow feeling lighter. I felt as if a load had been lifted. Just saying my thoughts out loud to a loved one made my steps a little lighter. My confidence began to grow again. Laying down my pride and following His wise advise to walk humbly before the Father was the best medicine I could ever take. It was a hard pill to swallow in the beginning. But, with practice, it got easier. In the end, there was healing, and it was well worth the pain, for I emerged much stronger than ever before, but I'm still a work in process. The pain was worth it, for the journey I got to take was beautiful.
"The Rocking Chair" a story by Kim Price Weaver 10/28/13
As I turned to make the drive down the long driveway, I slowed to a crawl, relishing in every moment of the beauty around me. The driveway wound around until, at last, the house was in view. It was a house with beauty beyond words. Sitting in the clearing, surrounded by woods, the wrap around porch on His home looked so warm and inviting. Rocking chairs and a porch swing welcomed anyone who would come, any who was willing to make the long drive.
As I climbed out of my car, my Friend welcomed me with open arms. His laughter filled the air, as He said to me "Kim! My friend, thank you for making the long drive. You have been constantly on my mind. Come. Sit down. Let's talk." I quickly grabbed my favorite rocking chair. I had spent many hours in that rocking chair talking with my Friend over the years.
He disappeared into the house, and quickly returned with my favorite iced tea. He was always so quick to serve me with the greatest hospitality.
"I didn't bake cookies this time. I know you're watching what you eat. Though, to me, you always look beautiful." I laughed and said to him, "After all these years, You know me too well."
We sat in silence for a few minutes enjoying the view, and sipping our tea. He quietly broke the silence with His soft words. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately. I've had you constantly on my heart for a long time." I began to spill out the events of the past few months.
As I spoke, He he responded by refocusing my attention. "And, what have you learned from all this?" he asked, in a typical Teacher like manner.
I sat quietly for a while in deep thought. Then I began to list to Him all I'd learned. I laughed and said, "You know me, I've had to relearn many of the old lessons I have been learning for years. Forgiveness, self control, and to shut my mouth are among some of the many lessons I have had to review." We both laughed because we both knew these are lessons I have worked on for years.
Then I dropped my head, and my eyes filled with tears. "There's one lesson that has been the hardest for me. It's been a battle that I fought when I was young, and never won. So now, at the ripe old age of 54, I am learning to win this battle." He looked at me and said, "Look in my face child, and tell me about this lesson." As I looked full into his face, I felt a new confidence, accompanied by such peace.
"Well, you see, for my entire life I have always feared what people thought of me. I have always wondered if I was good enough, if people were whispering behind my back, or if I was the one people joked about when my back was turned." My Friend looked full into my eyes. His eyes were so kind and full of compassion. "Yes, Kim, I know this has been a struggle for you. Don't feel bad. Many people have the same struggle. You are not alone in this one."
I began to speak again, my voice sounding a little stronger. "I have learned that I cannot stop what people say or think about me. I have learned that I can't put out every fire, every time someone turns away from me, and believes things that are not true. Oh, I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have made phone calls, and sent emails in a lame attempt to defend my reputation. But along the way, I have learned from You that reputation doesn't matter. I have learned that I have no control over what people say, or think, whether it is good or bad. I have learned to lay down my pride, and walk humbly, just as you do. You have taught me so much. You have shown me through your own life, that worrying about whether or not people believe lies, or are thinking badly of me is pride. Pride is sin. I have watched you walk in truth and love, with no worries about what others think. You have only cared about what our Heavenly Father thinks. From your example, I am learning to replace those worries and fears with thoughts of our Father, and what He thinks of me. It takes practice! But I am learning that what He thinks is what really matters. And you know me, I can be a slow learner." We both had a good laugh.
Then my friend spoke with the wisdom I always expect from him. "Kim, what matters is that YOU know who you are. You know, as do I, that you are living to please our Heavenly Father. You know in your heart that while you are far from perfect, your goal in life is to bring Him glory. And for that, He is pleased. He does not expect perfection, He expects devotion. As long as you get up every day and live to please Him, not others, then He is very proud of you. He will bless your efforts, though you will fail at times."
"It's so hard", I said, "because it hurts when people I care about turn away from me and think poorly of me." He replied, with eyes full of love, "Of course it hurts! I know this feeling all too well! I happened to me over and over. Even my dearest friend denied me. But always remember, fill your mind with thoughts of how much our Father loves you. And always remember how much I love you. Our Father and I know who you are at the core of your heart. So do you. Hold on to that. Time will heal the pain and worries. And those who truly know you and truly love you will never doubt you. So don't doubt yourself. Bask in how far you've come, and the process you are still going through. And, for heavens sake, push what others think out of your mind! You have no control over that! Their thoughts are between them and the Father!"
I left my Friend's beautiful home that day somehow feeling lighter. I felt as if a load had been lifted. Just saying my thoughts out loud to a loved one made my steps a little lighter. My confidence began to grow again. Laying down my pride and following His wise advise to walk humbly before the Father was the best medicine I could ever take. It was a hard pill to swallow in the beginning. But, with practice, it got easier. In the end, there was healing, and it was well worth the pain, for I emerged much stronger than ever before, but I'm still a work in process. The pain was worth it, for the journey I got to take was beautiful.
"The Rocking Chair" a story by Kim Price Weaver 10/28/13
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)