Salida, Co.. I will never forget you...

As we left Crested Butte on Monday, it was a very bitter sweet drive. I must admit, I felt like I was leaving my heart behind. I have never felt that way before about any place on earth (except Ooltewah). We stopped by a meadow and a stream to let Lindsay take some pictures of her favorite wildflowers. I noticed one of the spotted horses that had caught my eye during our visit. I so loved watching him every time we passed by his farm. Wish I had taken his picture. I would love to see his face today. But somehow, I knew in my heart, I'd be back.

We rambled back through the mountains, to a little town called Salida. Never, in my wildest dreams, could I imagine what that day had in store for me. Our trip was about to take a drastic turn of events, and my heart was about to be split wide open.

We found our cabin, and moved all our things in. A feeling of oppression settled over me as we entered the town, and then our cabin. Our cabin was lovely! It was huge, with a game room, fully stocked kitchen, big screen tv's, wrap around porch, and even horse shoes. But something felt so uneasy there. Those of you with the gift of discernment know exactly what I am talking about. You are feeling the way I felt, even as you read this. And those who don't have that gift, are a little confused right now. But I am just being honest. Something in my spirit was not right.

We settled in, bought groceries and began to cook supper. As Lindsay and I were attempting to grill our steaks, a wild wind started blowing in. My guess would be that it was at least 50mph! We could hardly stand in it. And then, everything changed. I got that phone call that still makes me shiver when I think of it.

My dear friend, Kim McArthur, was crying on the other end. She said to me "I wanted you to know that Adam died today". (Adam was her oldest son). Then we just began to cry together. During our very personal conversation, all I could do is pray, "God help us! God help us! Jesus! Jesus! We need you!" Can you imagine my panic? My pain, as I tried to weakly help my very close friend from 2000 miles away. It was every mom's nightmare. Nothing in life had prepared me to walk through these waters. After a few minutes of total despair, she assured me that I needed to stay in Colorado, then, reluctantly, we said goodbye. I am pretty sure I cried for the next 24 hours off and on. My body was in Colorado, but my heart was in Chattanooga with Kim.

As the next few days passed, God showed up in a huge way! I had some amazing moments with Him, and my family. Beautiful hikes, antelope, a wolf, a ghost town, silence on the top of a 14,000 foot mountain, snow, and great conversation. And fabulous food! Lindsay and Daniel discover how to throw horseshoes. So there was laughter...so much laughter! The town, and cabin still had a sense of oppression for me, but when we were out in the backcountry, life was incredibly peaceful and good.

Again, I marvel at the Love of God. His timing is so perfect. At first, I questioned why I was so far away when my wonderful friend needed me most. But as time went on, I knew God had me there to refresh me so I would come back home with a new strength. Kim agreed that she would need me most later, after the funeral. God's timing is perfect.

I will never understand why He allows tragedy of that magnitude. I will never understand why my godly wonderful friend has had to suffer so much pain. All I know is this. God is God. He knows. And He loves us. I don't have to understand. All I have to do is follow and believe, even when its so painful that my heart could burst.
Here are a few of the memories from that part of the trip...enjoy! Love you all! More to come from our last stop on the trip in a few days! Thanks for coming along! :) I can honestly say that my heart longed to share every minute with you all. We should take a group trip someday :)

                                                   Cottonwood Pass, Buena Vista, Co

The view from our cabin deck

one of our hikes to Agnes Falls

Agnes Falls....never too old to climb a few rocks! :)

Lindsay and I sitting on top of a mountain, enjoying the view and having great conversation.

Never once did we ever walk alone...

As AJ sang this song this morning at Ethos, this lyric really resonated within me. "Never once did we ever walk alone. You are faithful God..." I must admit, I walked through a season this past winter where I couldn't see what God was doing, and I didn't sense His presence. It was a very dark time in my life. I was in despair. And if felt as though I was so weak. I was barely crawling through life,  brokenhearted.
It feels amazing to look back and see the path that He had me on during that time. All along He was whispering to me, "Keep going, my love. I am right here. Trust Me, even in the darkness, even though you can't see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Trust Me."
And now, it all makes sense. Now I see what He was doing. I am so humbled and grateful to Him for those days. The pain and darkness was so worth it! I wouldn't trade it for any amount of joy and happiness. As I look back, I know without a doubt "Never once did I ever walk alone..." He never left my side. He carried me through. And the place He has brought me to is so beautiful, filled with more trust that ever before.
If you are where I was just a few months ago, I want you to know, He is right there, even if you can't see Him, or feel Him. Even if your path is black with darkness, He is right there. You can trust Him. Hold on! There is light coming! Don't give up! He is God!

Crested Butte, Colorado

Today, my heart and mind have been wondering to Colorado. What a wonderful place! God's creation at its finest. I can remember as we drove from Pueblo, into the mountains, through Salida, then into the back country thinking to myself, "Could there ever be a more beautiful place in this world?" We drove over such high peaks, over snow covered mountain tops, through beautiful valleys, saw rushing rivers, and rambling creeks. We passed through tiny quaint towns with the most charming buildings. The people were so kind every where we stopped. And horses! So many horses. Every farm, every house had a horse or two. I truly love horses. Their soft noses, the way they smell, brushing them, saddling them, their soft whispering nay when they see you coming, their rippling muscles. Needless to say, as we took that drive, I felt like I was in heaven.
When we arrived at our first destination, Crested Butte, I can remember driving through that lovely town and feeling a strange sense of belonging. Home. It felt like home. So strange how a place I have never been before could feel so familiar. The culture is entirely different from our southern culture. Yet, I felt like I belonged. As we checked into our condo that night, tears welled up in my eyes. Tears of awe. I was totally in awe of God and His creation, and the fact that He would allow me, of all people, to partake in such beauty.
I am going to share more from our journey as time goes by, but for now, I want to stay in Crested Butte. The wildflowers were in full bloom, the trees were incredible, and the views were stunning. We had Mountain Blue birds nesting in our vents. So we had the pleasure of watching the mom and dad come in and out and feed their babies. The dad would stand watch over the nest. We could almost always spot him keeping a keen eye on his nest, and his babies. Then on our last day there, 2 of the birds were pushed from the nest. They landed on our balcony. We worried and fretted over their safety. But their parents were never far away. They came and fed them on our balcony, until the day we left. The owner of our condo emailed us later to let us know that she saw them fly away a few days later.
So many metaphors for that story, and other experiences we had in that lovely town.
If you ever have a chance, visit Crested Butte. It's an experience unlike any other.
Today, I needed the peace that those memories brought. Life brings so much sorrow, and grief and suffering. But today, briefly in my mind, I could return to Crested Butte. And feel the peace of that place. Thank You Father for the love you show me. I am so humbled that You allowed me such a great visit. Just think, Heaven will be far more beautiful, and lovely. And I will see You face to face. I can only imagine....
For now, indulge me as I share a few pictures....enjoy!

                                           So beautiful! The drive in to the town...

                                           Our baby Mountain Blue Birds. Yes! They are alive! :)

                                           Some of the beautiful wildflowers

                                           What a wonderful town....

the little things

Thursday was just one of those days. You know the kind... I felt out of sorts when I woke up. As the morning wore on, I found myself feeling a bit anxious and simply overwhelmed. The stresses of life had been weighing on me all week, and it seemed that it had all piled up that morning.

As I got in my car that morning to head to work, I could feel the sting of the tears that were about to surface. My mind raced to the woman that was behind me at a stop light a couple of weeks ago. As she sat there, she was crying her eyes out. I prayed for her at that moment, and have prayed for her a few times since. I remember on Thursday, briefly thinking that I hoped if I lost it while driving, like she did, God would lay it on the heart of someone to pray for me. And, of course, like any woman worth her salt,  I thought about my mascara! I was headed to work after all, and I didn't want to look like a total mess all day! :)

As I pulled out of the garage, something rather odd happened. There was a work crew of prisoners at the end of our driveway. Let me explain. We live in a typical East Brainerd subdivsion. Nothing fancy. But in my 13 years of living here, I have never seen a work crew in our neighborhood. As I pulled out of my driveway, I noticed how dirty the prisoners looked. Their orange jumpsuits were literally filthy. Pity filled my heart for them. And then, all of a sudden, one of them turned and waved and smiled at me, as if he wanted to lift my spirits.  This may seem silly to other people, but God used that man to lift my heart. I drove past him, and said a prayer for him. Then went on to ask God to do something through me on that day. I knew that anything good that came of me, would be through Him and Him alone, because I was a mess.

When I arrived at work, I was immediately met with the smiles and laughter of my co-workers. Shortly afterwards, I got a big hug from one of our children. All of this may seem so small to other people. But can I just say, God used each and every moment that day to lift my heart up. A visit from my friend, Kyle, seeing an old friend, Dot, a visit from Lindsay, a laugh with several of my friends, kind words spoken unexpectedly, and unexpected call from my son...it all added. By the time I left work that day, I was regaining my strength. I was physically exhausted, but God used those moments to lift me out of my discouraged mood.

Why am I telling you all this? I just wanted to share, once again, and forever more, what an awesome God we serve. He is awesome in the huge miracles he performs. But He is also awesome in the little things. And He is awesome, even if He does nothing at all. He is God, and worthy of all praise.

Here's what's been on my mind...

I have always heard that God speaks in themes. When He keeps bringing up the same subject over and over, you had better pay attention. The past month He has had a big theme going on in my life. I can not even begin to tell you how many random conversations that I have had on this one subject. Really, countless people who are totally separate relationships in my life have brought this subject up. I can not tell you how many sermons I have heard about it. And I joined a discussion group on facebook, and what was the subject? You got it! The same thing He's been speaking to me and countless other people about lately. The subject is "What is the 'church' supposed to look like? What can we, as Christians, do to reach out to people who don't know Christ? How can we become more effective in our culture today? How can we be relevant in the world we live in?"

I am hearing this over and over. It all started, for me, when Daniel moved home this summer. He came home some what disillusioned over traditional Christianity, and the traditonal church. We had many conversations about his view of what church has become, and what he believes church should be. And, you know what? I have to say, I agree with him. While I was raised extremely traditional, in a Southern Baptist Church, (and I do love my church, and my upbringing), I totally understand what he is saying. Yes, I am learning to listen a little more, and open my mind to a new way of thinking, even at my age! haha :)

Please, don't ever misunderstand me. The message of Christ, and the truth of the Word never changes.  I will never depart from His truths. And for many people, many of my family members included, traditional church services are exactly what they love, and exactly where they need to be.

But it seems that there is a new need in our culture. A need for something that isn't traditional. A need for a place where totally 'unchurched' people would feel completely comfortable, and totally loved and excepted no matter what their baggage, no matter where they have been. A need for showing Christ love in a far more effective way, to those that need it most.

Do I have the answer to this on going dilemma? Absolutely not! I wish I did! But, I feel that, with how many people are discussing this right now, God is moving and speaking. And I pray that I can figure out where I can fit into His plan. And that I can be open to change, (and yes! this will take some change!) as He leads His people to a major rethinking, and a major awakening, and possibly, a major movement of His people truly becoming His hands and feet...

Oh, summer....it's been interesting...

What a summer! Whew! I am worn out just thinking about it. We celebrated Lindsay's graduation from Lee University, our 25th wedding anniversary, went on the vacation of a life time, lost a very close friends son suddenly and unexpectedly, shed many tears, had a back injury (Paul), a heel injury (me), got a new puppy, gave back the same new puppy, said goodbye to some people, said hello to a few new friends, and got reacquainted with a few people ...Its been crazy! It's been a lot of fun mixed with some deep grief and loss. My potpourri of emotions have had me on overload at times.

Oh, and did I mention that I 'welcomed' home my son, after his first year of living away from home. This transition hasn't always been smooth. Ok, let me be honest. At times we wanted to kill each other! haha I really haven't known what to do with him. He's mostly a grown man, but at times, he still needs me to be mom. We have had a few arguments, I must admit. Again, let me be honest here...more than a few arguments... I had a friend tell me once that its really hard when they come back home. I thought to myself, "Not with my kids...we're not like that.." I welcomed Lindsay home from her first semester a few years ago and we breezed right through it,  as if she'd never been away. And then came Daniel. Boy, was my friend ever right! It's been a hard adjustment.

As usual, Daniel has taught me so much. He can get me to think outside the box better than anyone I know. I love him for that, and for so many other reasons. He is an awesome young man. This summer he has taught me that its OK to question your faith, and have questions for God about the Bible. He has, once again, reminded me of acceptance for people that are different from me. He has taught me that I am extremely controlling when he is driving. :) haha (Well, actually that's nothing new. He has just reminded me of it over and over! haha) He is teaching me to pick my battles, and not to make a big deal over things that aren't a big deal.

But, most importantly, he has reminded me that the love of Christ reaches so much further than the church walls. He has reminded me that Christ loves sinners and that while on earth, He walked with sinners. He has reminded me that, in order to be an effective Christian, I need to love those that look nothing like me, those that talk nothing like me, and that act nothing like me. He reminds me that we don't have to compromise our beliefs in order to reach out to others.

Will Daniel and I continue our conflict? Most likely. Probably. While I will never change or compromise my core beliefs and values, I am so thankful that Daniel reminds me that sometimes I have to reevaluate things, and that change is good. It often takes change in order to grow. And there's nothing wrong with that! 

Much love everyone! Thanks for joining me in my quest to be real!

"some times the hardest things and the right things are the same.."

We adopted the most wonderful puppy this week. She came to us with much prayer and thought and planning. We had actually been thinking about adopting a puppy for several months, but I wanted to wait until we got home from vacation so I could devote all the time to her that she needed until she was house trained. I found her online at a Pet Rescue place. The second I saw her picture, I was in love. And, sure enough, when I saw her in person she was everything I had prayed for. Smart, cute, funny, and loving. Ellie had it all.
But, sadly, when we brought her home, Gordon (our older rescue dog) didn't feel the same about her. You see, Gordon has a terrible track record with other dogs. He likes them okay when they are outside our home, but when they step inside the door, pure hatred takes over. Gordon tried to kill our Schnauzer twice. But, I honestly thought when he met this precious little puppy, he would take her in. I was wrong. As time wore on, I could see the hatred building in his eyes. I knew, without a doubt, that he would kill her if we ever turned our back on them. Ellie was getting afraid. I was afraid. So, we made the very difficult decision to return her to her rescue home.
I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that returning my precious puppy was the right thing to do. But, as Lindsay drove away with her, I cried my eyes out. Later, Lindsay said something very wise, I think. "She was the right puppy, but it was the wrong time". So true.
As always, I look back at the events of this past week, and try to figure out what God was up to. I always want to know what I can take away from something like this, and how I can grow from it.
I am not sure all He had in mind with this turn of events. But I did learn somethings from Ellie's personality.
Ellie loved us from the second she saw us. She loved us with unconditional, fearless love. When she heard our voices, she lit up like a Christmas tree. When we left the room, she looked highly disappointed. She made me feel so important. She got to know each one of us quickly. She knew our voices as soon as she heard us speak. She listened to everything we said to her with bright eyes. She was the picture of true love. She was the picture of the love that God has for us. She treated us the way God intends for us to treat each other; with value, excitement, and true love.
I fall short of this standard so often, more than I care to admit. Yet my Father still loves me with that kind of love, and so much more. That is hard for me to take in at times...actually, most of the time. He is excited when I talk to Him. He loves to listen to my heart. His love is far more unconditional than any love I could dream of or ever give. I am reminded of the hymn that says "Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me?"

So, for my little Ellie, I pray she finds a home more wonderful that we could ever give her. And, as for what I learned, I pray I can begin to take in and understand Gods love for me, and someway, somehow, share that kind of love with others...