Thursday was just one of those days. You know the kind... I felt out of sorts when I woke up. As the morning wore on, I found myself feeling a bit anxious and simply overwhelmed. The stresses of life had been weighing on me all week, and it seemed that it had all piled up that morning.
As I got in my car that morning to head to work, I could feel the sting of the tears that were about to surface. My mind raced to the woman that was behind me at a stop light a couple of weeks ago. As she sat there, she was crying her eyes out. I prayed for her at that moment, and have prayed for her a few times since. I remember on Thursday, briefly thinking that I hoped if I lost it while driving, like she did, God would lay it on the heart of someone to pray for me. And, of course, like any woman worth her salt, I thought about my mascara! I was headed to work after all, and I didn't want to look like a total mess all day! :)
As I pulled out of the garage, something rather odd happened. There was a work crew of prisoners at the end of our driveway. Let me explain. We live in a typical East Brainerd subdivsion. Nothing fancy. But in my 13 years of living here, I have never seen a work crew in our neighborhood. As I pulled out of my driveway, I noticed how dirty the prisoners looked. Their orange jumpsuits were literally filthy. Pity filled my heart for them. And then, all of a sudden, one of them turned and waved and smiled at me, as if he wanted to lift my spirits. This may seem silly to other people, but God used that man to lift my heart. I drove past him, and said a prayer for him. Then went on to ask God to do something through me on that day. I knew that anything good that came of me, would be through Him and Him alone, because I was a mess.
When I arrived at work, I was immediately met with the smiles and laughter of my co-workers. Shortly afterwards, I got a big hug from one of our children. All of this may seem so small to other people. But can I just say, God used each and every moment that day to lift my heart up. A visit from my friend, Kyle, seeing an old friend, Dot, a visit from Lindsay, a laugh with several of my friends, kind words spoken unexpectedly, and unexpected call from my son...it all added. By the time I left work that day, I was regaining my strength. I was physically exhausted, but God used those moments to lift me out of my discouraged mood.
Why am I telling you all this? I just wanted to share, once again, and forever more, what an awesome God we serve. He is awesome in the huge miracles he performs. But He is also awesome in the little things. And He is awesome, even if He does nothing at all. He is God, and worthy of all praise.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Here's what's been on my mind...
I have always heard that God speaks in themes. When He keeps bringing up the same subject over and over, you had better pay attention. The past month He has had a big theme going on in my life. I can not even begin to tell you how many random conversations that I have had on this one subject. Really, countless people who are totally separate relationships in my life have brought this subject up. I can not tell you how many sermons I have heard about it. And I joined a discussion group on facebook, and what was the subject? You got it! The same thing He's been speaking to me and countless other people about lately. The subject is "What is the 'church' supposed to look like? What can we, as Christians, do to reach out to people who don't know Christ? How can we become more effective in our culture today? How can we be relevant in the world we live in?"
I am hearing this over and over. It all started, for me, when Daniel moved home this summer. He came home some what disillusioned over traditional Christianity, and the traditonal church. We had many conversations about his view of what church has become, and what he believes church should be. And, you know what? I have to say, I agree with him. While I was raised extremely traditional, in a Southern Baptist Church, (and I do love my church, and my upbringing), I totally understand what he is saying. Yes, I am learning to listen a little more, and open my mind to a new way of thinking, even at my age! haha :)
Please, don't ever misunderstand me. The message of Christ, and the truth of the Word never changes. I will never depart from His truths. And for many people, many of my family members included, traditional church services are exactly what they love, and exactly where they need to be.
But it seems that there is a new need in our culture. A need for something that isn't traditional. A need for a place where totally 'unchurched' people would feel completely comfortable, and totally loved and excepted no matter what their baggage, no matter where they have been. A need for showing Christ love in a far more effective way, to those that need it most.
Do I have the answer to this on going dilemma? Absolutely not! I wish I did! But, I feel that, with how many people are discussing this right now, God is moving and speaking. And I pray that I can figure out where I can fit into His plan. And that I can be open to change, (and yes! this will take some change!) as He leads His people to a major rethinking, and a major awakening, and possibly, a major movement of His people truly becoming His hands and feet...
I am hearing this over and over. It all started, for me, when Daniel moved home this summer. He came home some what disillusioned over traditional Christianity, and the traditonal church. We had many conversations about his view of what church has become, and what he believes church should be. And, you know what? I have to say, I agree with him. While I was raised extremely traditional, in a Southern Baptist Church, (and I do love my church, and my upbringing), I totally understand what he is saying. Yes, I am learning to listen a little more, and open my mind to a new way of thinking, even at my age! haha :)
Please, don't ever misunderstand me. The message of Christ, and the truth of the Word never changes. I will never depart from His truths. And for many people, many of my family members included, traditional church services are exactly what they love, and exactly where they need to be.
But it seems that there is a new need in our culture. A need for something that isn't traditional. A need for a place where totally 'unchurched' people would feel completely comfortable, and totally loved and excepted no matter what their baggage, no matter where they have been. A need for showing Christ love in a far more effective way, to those that need it most.
Do I have the answer to this on going dilemma? Absolutely not! I wish I did! But, I feel that, with how many people are discussing this right now, God is moving and speaking. And I pray that I can figure out where I can fit into His plan. And that I can be open to change, (and yes! this will take some change!) as He leads His people to a major rethinking, and a major awakening, and possibly, a major movement of His people truly becoming His hands and feet...
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Oh, summer....it's been interesting...
What a summer! Whew! I am worn out just thinking about it. We celebrated Lindsay's graduation from Lee University, our 25th wedding anniversary, went on the vacation of a life time, lost a very close friends son suddenly and unexpectedly, shed many tears, had a back injury (Paul), a heel injury (me), got a new puppy, gave back the same new puppy, said goodbye to some people, said hello to a few new friends, and got reacquainted with a few people ...Its been crazy! It's been a lot of fun mixed with some deep grief and loss. My potpourri of emotions have had me on overload at times.
Oh, and did I mention that I 'welcomed' home my son, after his first year of living away from home. This transition hasn't always been smooth. Ok, let me be honest. At times we wanted to kill each other! haha I really haven't known what to do with him. He's mostly a grown man, but at times, he still needs me to be mom. We have had a few arguments, I must admit. Again, let me be honest here...more than a few arguments... I had a friend tell me once that its really hard when they come back home. I thought to myself, "Not with my kids...we're not like that.." I welcomed Lindsay home from her first semester a few years ago and we breezed right through it, as if she'd never been away. And then came Daniel. Boy, was my friend ever right! It's been a hard adjustment.
As usual, Daniel has taught me so much. He can get me to think outside the box better than anyone I know. I love him for that, and for so many other reasons. He is an awesome young man. This summer he has taught me that its OK to question your faith, and have questions for God about the Bible. He has, once again, reminded me of acceptance for people that are different from me. He has taught me that I am extremely controlling when he is driving. :) haha (Well, actually that's nothing new. He has just reminded me of it over and over! haha) He is teaching me to pick my battles, and not to make a big deal over things that aren't a big deal.
But, most importantly, he has reminded me that the love of Christ reaches so much further than the church walls. He has reminded me that Christ loves sinners and that while on earth, He walked with sinners. He has reminded me that, in order to be an effective Christian, I need to love those that look nothing like me, those that talk nothing like me, and that act nothing like me. He reminds me that we don't have to compromise our beliefs in order to reach out to others.
Will Daniel and I continue our conflict? Most likely. Probably. While I will never change or compromise my core beliefs and values, I am so thankful that Daniel reminds me that sometimes I have to reevaluate things, and that change is good. It often takes change in order to grow. And there's nothing wrong with that!
Much love everyone! Thanks for joining me in my quest to be real!
Oh, and did I mention that I 'welcomed' home my son, after his first year of living away from home. This transition hasn't always been smooth. Ok, let me be honest. At times we wanted to kill each other! haha I really haven't known what to do with him. He's mostly a grown man, but at times, he still needs me to be mom. We have had a few arguments, I must admit. Again, let me be honest here...more than a few arguments... I had a friend tell me once that its really hard when they come back home. I thought to myself, "Not with my kids...we're not like that.." I welcomed Lindsay home from her first semester a few years ago and we breezed right through it, as if she'd never been away. And then came Daniel. Boy, was my friend ever right! It's been a hard adjustment.
As usual, Daniel has taught me so much. He can get me to think outside the box better than anyone I know. I love him for that, and for so many other reasons. He is an awesome young man. This summer he has taught me that its OK to question your faith, and have questions for God about the Bible. He has, once again, reminded me of acceptance for people that are different from me. He has taught me that I am extremely controlling when he is driving. :) haha (Well, actually that's nothing new. He has just reminded me of it over and over! haha) He is teaching me to pick my battles, and not to make a big deal over things that aren't a big deal.
But, most importantly, he has reminded me that the love of Christ reaches so much further than the church walls. He has reminded me that Christ loves sinners and that while on earth, He walked with sinners. He has reminded me that, in order to be an effective Christian, I need to love those that look nothing like me, those that talk nothing like me, and that act nothing like me. He reminds me that we don't have to compromise our beliefs in order to reach out to others.
Will Daniel and I continue our conflict? Most likely. Probably. While I will never change or compromise my core beliefs and values, I am so thankful that Daniel reminds me that sometimes I have to reevaluate things, and that change is good. It often takes change in order to grow. And there's nothing wrong with that!
Much love everyone! Thanks for joining me in my quest to be real!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
"some times the hardest things and the right things are the same.."
We adopted the most wonderful puppy this week. She came to us with much prayer and thought and planning. We had actually been thinking about adopting a puppy for several months, but I wanted to wait until we got home from vacation so I could devote all the time to her that she needed until she was house trained. I found her online at a Pet Rescue place. The second I saw her picture, I was in love. And, sure enough, when I saw her in person she was everything I had prayed for. Smart, cute, funny, and loving. Ellie had it all.
But, sadly, when we brought her home, Gordon (our older rescue dog) didn't feel the same about her. You see, Gordon has a terrible track record with other dogs. He likes them okay when they are outside our home, but when they step inside the door, pure hatred takes over. Gordon tried to kill our Schnauzer twice. But, I honestly thought when he met this precious little puppy, he would take her in. I was wrong. As time wore on, I could see the hatred building in his eyes. I knew, without a doubt, that he would kill her if we ever turned our back on them. Ellie was getting afraid. I was afraid. So, we made the very difficult decision to return her to her rescue home.
I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that returning my precious puppy was the right thing to do. But, as Lindsay drove away with her, I cried my eyes out. Later, Lindsay said something very wise, I think. "She was the right puppy, but it was the wrong time". So true.
As always, I look back at the events of this past week, and try to figure out what God was up to. I always want to know what I can take away from something like this, and how I can grow from it.
I am not sure all He had in mind with this turn of events. But I did learn somethings from Ellie's personality.
Ellie loved us from the second she saw us. She loved us with unconditional, fearless love. When she heard our voices, she lit up like a Christmas tree. When we left the room, she looked highly disappointed. She made me feel so important. She got to know each one of us quickly. She knew our voices as soon as she heard us speak. She listened to everything we said to her with bright eyes. She was the picture of true love. She was the picture of the love that God has for us. She treated us the way God intends for us to treat each other; with value, excitement, and true love.
I fall short of this standard so often, more than I care to admit. Yet my Father still loves me with that kind of love, and so much more. That is hard for me to take in at times...actually, most of the time. He is excited when I talk to Him. He loves to listen to my heart. His love is far more unconditional than any love I could dream of or ever give. I am reminded of the hymn that says "Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me?"
So, for my little Ellie, I pray she finds a home more wonderful that we could ever give her. And, as for what I learned, I pray I can begin to take in and understand Gods love for me, and someway, somehow, share that kind of love with others...
But, sadly, when we brought her home, Gordon (our older rescue dog) didn't feel the same about her. You see, Gordon has a terrible track record with other dogs. He likes them okay when they are outside our home, but when they step inside the door, pure hatred takes over. Gordon tried to kill our Schnauzer twice. But, I honestly thought when he met this precious little puppy, he would take her in. I was wrong. As time wore on, I could see the hatred building in his eyes. I knew, without a doubt, that he would kill her if we ever turned our back on them. Ellie was getting afraid. I was afraid. So, we made the very difficult decision to return her to her rescue home.
I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that returning my precious puppy was the right thing to do. But, as Lindsay drove away with her, I cried my eyes out. Later, Lindsay said something very wise, I think. "She was the right puppy, but it was the wrong time". So true.
As always, I look back at the events of this past week, and try to figure out what God was up to. I always want to know what I can take away from something like this, and how I can grow from it.
I am not sure all He had in mind with this turn of events. But I did learn somethings from Ellie's personality.
Ellie loved us from the second she saw us. She loved us with unconditional, fearless love. When she heard our voices, she lit up like a Christmas tree. When we left the room, she looked highly disappointed. She made me feel so important. She got to know each one of us quickly. She knew our voices as soon as she heard us speak. She listened to everything we said to her with bright eyes. She was the picture of true love. She was the picture of the love that God has for us. She treated us the way God intends for us to treat each other; with value, excitement, and true love.
I fall short of this standard so often, more than I care to admit. Yet my Father still loves me with that kind of love, and so much more. That is hard for me to take in at times...actually, most of the time. He is excited when I talk to Him. He loves to listen to my heart. His love is far more unconditional than any love I could dream of or ever give. I am reminded of the hymn that says "Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me?"
Saturday, July 23, 2011
what really matters in life...
"Mom, I just think that sometimes we make a big deal over things that are not that important to God..." Those words still echo in my ears today. You see, last week, Lindsay and I were sitting on a rock at the peak of a 14,000 foot mountain with unobstructed views of the Rocky Mountains. We were having a wonderful talk...a talk about everything from dating, our wonderful friends, God, grief, and moral issues that we both face every day. It seems that we are constantly bombarded by moral dilemmas around our house. Social drinking, smoking, cursing, going to bars, and how much our culture dictates and effects all of this, is just a few of the issues and questions that keep all of us in an ongoing dialogue. And I might add, it keeps me on my toes. I have strong opinions about all the issues we talk about. But I am learning to listen. I am learning that these are very valid questions. And I am learning that being opinionated and argumentative is not effective in any way. I am learning to open up my mind a little bit.
You see, at 52, I have walked through a lot. I have faced some issues and problems that many of my friends have never faced. All of these experiences, and my walk with God, have carved out who I am, and what I believe. But it is so important that we all allow God to carve out our individual paths. We must never, ever depart from truth, or His Word. There are so many things that are absolutes. We should never compromise on these issues and sins. However, I am trying to learn to give everyone room and grace to allow God to carve their own path in life. If a person is seeking God with all their heart, then God will be faithful and lead them in the direction He has for them. And their path won't be the same as my path.
What really matters in life is that we love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength. It matters that we realize that life is all about Him and His glory. And it matters that we seek Him and follow Him and the path He has laid out for each of us.
So, today, God still has me on a tight leash. He knows that I need boundaries and regulations to stay on my path. My boundaries make me feel safe. But I am figuring out that the best way to teach people all God has taught me through life is to love them, to live it out in front of them, and to listen, and understand. Then allow the Holy Spirit to guide them the way He wants them to go.
This is the view we had that day we sat on the mountain and talked....my favorite place on earth! :)
11 You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (NIV)
You see, at 52, I have walked through a lot. I have faced some issues and problems that many of my friends have never faced. All of these experiences, and my walk with God, have carved out who I am, and what I believe. But it is so important that we all allow God to carve out our individual paths. We must never, ever depart from truth, or His Word. There are so many things that are absolutes. We should never compromise on these issues and sins. However, I am trying to learn to give everyone room and grace to allow God to carve their own path in life. If a person is seeking God with all their heart, then God will be faithful and lead them in the direction He has for them. And their path won't be the same as my path.
What really matters in life is that we love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength. It matters that we realize that life is all about Him and His glory. And it matters that we seek Him and follow Him and the path He has laid out for each of us.
So, today, God still has me on a tight leash. He knows that I need boundaries and regulations to stay on my path. My boundaries make me feel safe. But I am figuring out that the best way to teach people all God has taught me through life is to love them, to live it out in front of them, and to listen, and understand. Then allow the Holy Spirit to guide them the way He wants them to go.
Psalm 16:11
11 You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (NIV)
1 Corinthians 6:20
20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (NIV)
Monday, July 11, 2011
Even when my heart is breaking...
While sitting here in the middle of the majestic Rocky Mountains, I received the most gut wrenching phone call of my life. It was my precious friend of 19 years, Kim. Kim and I have walked through so much together. Much of it is unimaginable. We have been each others prayer partners, accountability partners, we've laughed together, worshiped together, grieved together, and cried together many times. But nothing in life has prepared me for the phone call I got from her today.
As I listened to the voicemail, panic sat in. Kim said to me, with a shaky voice, "Kim PLEASE! Call me as soon as you can. Adam died today." Adam is Kim's oldest son. He died of a blood clot. I am not sure of his exact age, but he was in his early 30's. Adam was married, and had one young son.
As I called her back, we just cried together. All she could say was "How can I bury my son? HOW CAN I BURY MY SON???" What do you say to that? My heart is breaking in two. I am hundreds of miles away from my precious friend, feeling incredibly helpless. How will she bury her son? What can I say? What can I do? How will we cross through this dark time together? Has God equipped me to comfort my friend through this?
Kim's last words to me on the phone today haunt me as I am writing... "I am not worried about making it through the next couple of days. I am worried about making it through the rest of my life."
Please pray for my beloved friend. Pray for her family. I don't even know what to ask you to pray for them. God will put it in your heart as you pray.
Hold your kids extra close. Enjoy every moment. And don't sweat the little stuff. In the grand scheme of life, all that matters is God. Life is all about Him. Even in this dark time, my lips will praise Him.
I love you all!
As I listened to the voicemail, panic sat in. Kim said to me, with a shaky voice, "Kim PLEASE! Call me as soon as you can. Adam died today." Adam is Kim's oldest son. He died of a blood clot. I am not sure of his exact age, but he was in his early 30's. Adam was married, and had one young son.
As I called her back, we just cried together. All she could say was "How can I bury my son? HOW CAN I BURY MY SON???" What do you say to that? My heart is breaking in two. I am hundreds of miles away from my precious friend, feeling incredibly helpless. How will she bury her son? What can I say? What can I do? How will we cross through this dark time together? Has God equipped me to comfort my friend through this?
Kim's last words to me on the phone today haunt me as I am writing... "I am not worried about making it through the next couple of days. I am worried about making it through the rest of my life."
Please pray for my beloved friend. Pray for her family. I don't even know what to ask you to pray for them. God will put it in your heart as you pray.
Hold your kids extra close. Enjoy every moment. And don't sweat the little stuff. In the grand scheme of life, all that matters is God. Life is all about Him. Even in this dark time, my lips will praise Him.
I love you all!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Thunder Valley
Here's something that most people don't know about me. I like NASCAR. In fact, my husband, my son and I have frequented a few races over the years. Our favorite track is Bristol. We have had some interesting experiences at "Thunder Valley" over time. There was one race a few years ago where the temperature was in the 30's. There was snow on the ground all around the track. From our seats, you can view the mountains and they were all topped with snow. Now, let me paint the picture for you. When attending a race at Bristol, traffic is a nightmare. So, in order to get out after the race and beat the traffic, we park our car about 2 miles away from the track. The terrain is hilly. So by the time we hike into the venue, then up all the steps to our seats, we have had quite a work out! Our seats are wonderful though. The higher your seats at Bristol, the better your view of the entire track. So its all well worth it.
On this particular March Sunday afternoon, it was windy, and freezing cold outside. We hiked in to the track carrying several blankets, a cooler, and wearing layers of clothes, plus a coat. Needless to say, the hike in was tiring. But, once we heard those words: "Gentlemen START YOUR ENGINES!", all was forgotten. There is nothing like the roar of those engines. What a thrill! Honestly, just between you and me, that's one of my favorite sounds in the world! :)
It remained cloudy all day that day, and we felt wind from the cars as they raced past us. But nothing seemed to matter except the excitement all around us. There were a couple of fights between some of the drivers. And when Kurt Busch won, he got out of his car, laid down on the start/finish line and made a snow angel. We had such a good time people watching, and enjoying the race that day!
That's only one of many stories I could tell you about different races we have been to. We've also made it to many football games, (both high school and UT games), basketball games, concerts, several different beaches, many cabins in the mountains, many long drives, and so on over the years. I wouldn't take anything for all those memories with my family. Some memories are wonderful. Some, not so wonderful. But it makes us who we are today.
That's how I view my walk with God. I follow Him where ever He leads. Sometimes its wonderful, and sometimes it doesn't seem so wonderful at the time. But I wouldn't trade a moment of the journey. It makes me who I am today. I attempt to keep a journal, though I'm not always as faithful as I want to be. I want to always remember those monumental times, whether good or bad, where God showed up in a big way, and I came to know Him on a deeper level. As I am writing, I am forming an idea. I think I will start a collection of mementos from the times God does exceedingly above what I could think. (Ephesians 3:20) I want to always remember His grace, mercy, and those times of growth.
I am reminded of the verse in Joshua:
“Joshua set up the twelve stones that had been in the middle of the Jordan at the spot where the priests who carried the ark of the covenant had stood. And they are there to this day.” Joshua 4:9 (NIV)
Once again, thanks for reading! Feel free to email me (kimweaver77@aol.com) or message me on FB if you need prayer, or have input for me! I expect I'll have a lot of things to tell you when we get home from vacation. Love to you all!
On this particular March Sunday afternoon, it was windy, and freezing cold outside. We hiked in to the track carrying several blankets, a cooler, and wearing layers of clothes, plus a coat. Needless to say, the hike in was tiring. But, once we heard those words: "Gentlemen START YOUR ENGINES!", all was forgotten. There is nothing like the roar of those engines. What a thrill! Honestly, just between you and me, that's one of my favorite sounds in the world! :)
It remained cloudy all day that day, and we felt wind from the cars as they raced past us. But nothing seemed to matter except the excitement all around us. There were a couple of fights between some of the drivers. And when Kurt Busch won, he got out of his car, laid down on the start/finish line and made a snow angel. We had such a good time people watching, and enjoying the race that day!
That's only one of many stories I could tell you about different races we have been to. We've also made it to many football games, (both high school and UT games), basketball games, concerts, several different beaches, many cabins in the mountains, many long drives, and so on over the years. I wouldn't take anything for all those memories with my family. Some memories are wonderful. Some, not so wonderful. But it makes us who we are today.
That's how I view my walk with God. I follow Him where ever He leads. Sometimes its wonderful, and sometimes it doesn't seem so wonderful at the time. But I wouldn't trade a moment of the journey. It makes me who I am today. I attempt to keep a journal, though I'm not always as faithful as I want to be. I want to always remember those monumental times, whether good or bad, where God showed up in a big way, and I came to know Him on a deeper level. As I am writing, I am forming an idea. I think I will start a collection of mementos from the times God does exceedingly above what I could think. (Ephesians 3:20) I want to always remember His grace, mercy, and those times of growth.
I am reminded of the verse in Joshua:
“Joshua set up the twelve stones that had been in the middle of the Jordan at the spot where the priests who carried the ark of the covenant had stood. And they are there to this day.” Joshua 4:9 (NIV)
Once again, thanks for reading! Feel free to email me (kimweaver77@aol.com) or message me on FB if you need prayer, or have input for me! I expect I'll have a lot of things to tell you when we get home from vacation. Love to you all!
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