For years I have struggled with my identity. If we all were honest, I think every woman does this. I have have often envied women who love to entertain guest, or have dinner parties, or work full time jobs and manage their homes and families with grace.
As I have gotten older, I have come to accept who I am and where God has placed me in this world. But there are still days I struggle with wishing I were different, or more like someone else. If I am completely honest, today is one of those days. I don't like parties, large social events, or entertaining large groups of people. I don't enjoy playing games, whether it's board games, cards, or playing games figuratively with people and manipulating them. None of that is me. I am not a spotless house keeper. I have never felt led to work full time. I don't think much of having money or material possessions. I am perfectly happy sitting quietly and watching the sunset. I don't like to shop, but I do it often, only for building relationships, and not to buy things. :) I have a shy streak in me so I can be the quietest person in the room. And some days I just don't really feel like talking. I'd rather pull away and be alone.
But God, in His lovingkindness, has confirmed to me over and over today, and this past week, that He created me to be me! And He needs me to simply do that: be the best me I can be. I love one on one time with friends, or small groups of friends. I love building relationships. In fact, that is a vital part of my life that keeps me going. I love knowing where a person comes from and what makes them tick. I love encouraging and serving others. I love my spiritual gifts and try to embrace every opportunity I have to use them. I try to live my life deliberately, trying to never turn down the chances I have to make a difference in someone's life.
I must admit, He has surprised me this past week with circumstances, and opportunities that I never thought I would have. Looking back now, I see how trying to embrace who He created me to be over the past years has played into each and every conversation that I have had lately. At times I have felt overwhelmed both with love for the people in my life, and overwhelmed with guilt for not being 'enough' to others. I most definitely need improvement, and so I am still learning and growing. Today, I am incredibly grateful and humbled for each and every chance He has given me whether I got it right, or not.
Can I get an "amen" from anyone else? If anyone reading this has gone through this struggle, I'd love to hear from you! After all, I love getting to know people and hearing their stories!
Love you all!
