You won't relent until You have it all....

The past three years have been mind boggling. This adventure called life has been full of ups and downs, really high highs, and really low lows. I have walked in places I never dreamed I'd walk in. I have felt so ill equipped to handle much of it.

Nothing in life prepares you to find out someone you have known very well is a child molester, and has been molesting someone that you love for 12 years. And then watch him get away with it. And nothing prepares you to hear a man's last words and helplessly watch him commit suicide, then watch his lifeless body float down the Tennessee River, only to be pulled under by the current and not found for weeks. Nothing prepares you for your best friend to become suicidal and call you daily to tell you, not only that she is going to kill herself, but how she is going to do it. (she did make it through that horrible time, and is doing well now.) That's only some of what I've walked through. Other things are far too personal to put on a blog, yet just as painful.

Thank God, there have been amazing, wonderful times too! Daniel choose to go to Lee University and got a full scholarship, Lindsay is being used in incredible ways to lead worship, I've made new friends, went on wonderful trips to the beach or the Smokies, saw prayers answered that were by far more than I could ask or think, and so much more! Life, as of late, has reminded me of that old Steven Curtis Chapman song "Saddle up your horses, we've got a trail to blaze....this is the great adventure"....

By far, though, there have been two things that  have been most difficult to deal with. That would be, Daniel leaving the nest and moving away, and Mom's dementia. You see, the day Daniel moved, I knew, without a doubt, that he was gone for good. Oh, we still talk. And he still comes by for a visit. But I knew he was ready to be a man. That's what I'd raised him for, right? I am so proud of him! Daniel and I have this special bond. We understand each other on a different level than most people understand me. We fight, probably too often, but our hearts are joined together in a very strong bond that will never be broken. However, I knew when he left that day, that we'd remain close, but he would no longer be my little boy. I knew he was leaving to forge his own life, and while I would be included somewhat, I would no longer be the main woman in his life. I miss my little boy, til this day. There is a hole in my heart the size of Texas where he used to fit. It's the progression of life, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

And then there's Mom. We, too, are so very close. She has always been my rock. In many ways, she is still herself. We still laugh together, and chit chat on the phone. I am grateful to God that I still have her, and she still resembles the woman she's always been. But there are days when I want to talk to her. Really talk to her. Days when I need her advice. Days when I need her wisdom. But her memory won't allow her to carry on a deep conversation, or a conversation that goes beyond the weather, or what's on TV that night. It used to be, when times were hard, Mom was always checking in on me, and praying for me. That part of her is gone now. I am having to come to terms with that. I am having to grieve the loss of who she used to be. And now I'm learning to embrace who she is now. And I do embrace it! I love her so much, and admire her strength to walk through this time in her life. She keeps on fighting, keeps on trying, and keeps on going as much as she can. And she keeps on trusting God. What an amazing woman.

Why am I telling you all this? I must admit, some of it is therapeutic for me. There is something healing in writing about where you've been. But the main reason is, to tell you that whatever you are going through, where ever you are, whatever life is throwing at you, God will make a way! He will carry you, He will be there when life is so dark that you are crawling inch by inch with no light at the end of the tunnel. He will bring you through. Trust Him with all your heart, even when things (like watching a man commit suicide) make no sense at all. He is even greater than what you think He is. And He can be trusted, even when things are so hard.

Look around you! No matter what darkness you are walking through, there is probably something wonderful happening, too. Be thankful for the good and the bad. For it is all being used to carve you into the person He wants you to be. Hang on, friends! Sunday is coming! He will bring you through!
And no matter what, always bring Him praise! For, no matter your circumstances, He is worthy of praise!


Nahum 1:7
“God is good, a hiding place in tough times.
He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help,
No matter how desperate the trouble.” (The Message)
Isaiah 41:10
“So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (NIV)

"You won't relent " Misty Edwards

You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one