*I have wrestled with this blog. Even as I publish it, I am feeling very vulnerable and uncomfortable. I actually wrote this a few days ago, and considered not publishing it. But I feel like I am supposed to, so here goes. I hope it touches someone.... Love to you all...*
I have come to realize something about myself. I don't give up on people. Maybe to a fault. Maybe there are people that I should give up on. Other people give up. But I just can't seem to do it. Often times, this has caused me a lot of pain. I have held out hope for people. Then they disappoint me. But then, somehow, I seem to gather up more hope and give them another chance. I will go through the cycle again and again. I will even say "That's it! I'll never allow them to do that again." And God whispers to my heart, "Child, I never gave up on you. I placed this person in your life for a reason. I am calling you to pray for them. I haven't given up on them. I am working. Your prayers, while the results may be unseen, are being heard and answered".
I have been wondering why I am like this? Once God burdens me for someone, I am like a pit bull. I have someone on my heart today that God placed there many months ago. I am not particularly close to this person, yet I pray for them every day. My prayer for them has been simple. "Father God, please make them into someone that walks with You. Someone that walks worthy before You. Someone that is completely content with You and You alone." Why do I pray for them like this? Because they are so much like me when I was in my 20's. Here's a bit of my story...
When I was young, I was very foolish. My identity was in whom ever I was dating or my friends. I was married and divorced by the time I was 21. That started me down a road of destruction. I didn't know who I was. I didn't give a lot of thought to what my actions were doing to the people that loved me. As a result, I hurt a lot of people. Most people gave up on me. The people in my church turned their backs on me. Many friends walked away, and I don't blame them. Some family members gave up. Then one day, it was as if God opened my eyes. I was sick of myself, the pain I was in, and the pain I'd caused. I got on my knees that day, in my apartment, all alone. I told God that I was willing to follow Him any where He led me. I cried out about how tired I was of myself. I told Him I'd do whatever He wanted me to if He would only give me peace. I got up off my knees a brand new woman. I felt different. I looked different. I thought differently. I finally had what I'd been searching for all along. I had true love. Love that would never fail. And I had such peace and joy. Everyone around me knew it. It was a life changing day!
I believe with all my heart, that there were people that God called to pray for me. To this day, I don't know who they were. But I believe that there were a handful of people who never gave up. That's why I keep on praying, and won't give up. Thank you to anyone, and everyone who never stopped praying for me. It probably seemed hopeless, but it wasn't! I am in love with Christ because you prayed!
It seems to me that people give up so easily.Times get hard, or someone doesn't behave the way we think they should, or circumstances change, and we just walk away. We just give up. We let them go. Love, and friendship is so valuable. When God honors us with the gift of love, (whether a friendship, a family member, or romantic love) don't give up when its hard. Don't just walk away. If its true love, its worth the fight, and the pain.
And one last, but most important thing. Thank you, Sherri, for never ever giving up on me. I know it was hard, but you always loved me. You never gave up. And because you didn't stop loving me, we are closer now than we have ever been. Forty years of love, friendship, laughter, grief, good times, and bad times, and we are still best friends. What would I ever do without you? What if you had given up? I am so thankful you didn't. I love you, for time and eternity :)
Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
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